u/GoldVisible8430

TLDR: my wife wants to spend $7k on her hobby despite not being able to contribute to household expenses while on mat leave. Is it fair that she sell her other hobby items to cover the cost?

I’ll skimp on the details so this doesn’t get too long. We are common law and while our expenses are separate, we are trying to have a more “our money” mindset especially since having a baby 8 months ago. Pre-baby, we split expenses roughly 50/50 but I paid for all “luxuries” like travel and eating out since I made more ($110k vs $75k). I was also saving a lot more which we plan to use to buy a house in 5 to 10 years. At the end of the day, her and I had similar “fun money” spending.

Since having the baby, I spend basically nothing and am putting everything into savings. Just no draw to spend my “fun money”. You can imagine my interests of travel, restaurants and sports games aren’t big draw atm. She’s on roughly half her income and so I have taken over 90-95% of household expenses. With this arrangement, she spends roughly the same “fun money” as pre-baby despite the lower income and hasn’t been putting anything into savings (which is fine, she deserves joy with everything she’s sacrificed).

Now she really wants to buy this rare $7,000 item for her hobby collection. It’s a “unique opportunity” she says, not something you can just buy anytime.
I think that’s insane. Her plan is to limit her spending to save up to buy this item. I think to justify buying it, she should sell some of her collection to cover her portion of household expenses plus the item. My logic being that you can’t justify spending that much money if you can’t contribute anything to the rent/groceries/diapers etc. For reference, I don’t think I’ll be spending over $1000 on myself this entire year. No buying clothes, no drinks with friends, Mom is cuttings my hair.

I don’t want to be a dick. She had a rough pregnancy / post partum and her hobby really cheers her up. But it’s also not the time to make a big personal purchase like that. Somewhat selfishly, I want most of our extra money to go towards things as a family, like weekend trips or a babysitter for nights out together. She wants those things too, but wants this hobby stuff more and doesn’t really worry too much about the big financial picture.

What do you think? What’s a fair request of her if she really must have this ultra expensive item? AITA is I insist she just miss out on it seeing as our household income is down 30%?

Update:
Thank you for all the responses! It was quite the range and lots of gender commentary which is funny since I swapped them for anonymity 😂 . I’ve realized that the heart of the issue is that we have no unified financial plan and are basically winging it. I don’t care how she spends her fun money, she can light it on fire if she so chooses. But it was a big wake up call hearing that she thinks we have the fun money budget to save up $7k that quickly.

Asking her to sell her collectibles to pay household expenses was dumb. We will make a joint budget that accounts for all expenses/saving goal to decide our new post-baby fun money. But I don’t think it will be nearly enough to buy this $7k item any time soon.

Re: what is the 7k hobby item? - I’m paranoid and afraid of the internet. It’s a niche hobby where anyone who knows us would be 100% certain who we are. It’s in the realm of Burkin purses, Pokémon cards or luxury watches. Pretty to look at, not useful, not income generating, but historically has retained its value or possibly turned a profit.

I’m finally getting the spectra S1 but the kit only includes a 24mm and 28mm (!!!) flsnge. I’ve heard it said that very few people are a 24mm. 28mm must be such a small fraction.

Seems like such a money grab to include only flange sizes that fits <5% of people. I thought maybe it’s because you can get inserts but I think you just need to buy all new flanges?

What flange size are you?

View Poll

Clips from earlier seasons were popping up on my feed and it reminded me how different the earlier couples were compared to later seasons. Something about this new season felt a little too curated to me.

For starters, the couples just don’t seem as relatable. I’m just a regular joe, so I guess I don’t hear these intimate details of people’s lives, but the kind of abuse Chris experienced, the autism dynamic between Shay and Maeve, breaking up a loving marriage to “ascend”. It’s all very interesting, but I was wondering if with the popularity of the show, they have so many applicants and can cherry pick those that are the most sensationalized.

A lot for the psychoanalysis seemed a little too on the nose. Conflict is discussed, Orna asks about their childhood, and voila, a very obvious connection arises. It seemed almost surprising that the person themselves wouldn’t have made the connection with how perfectly it aligned the current conflict and past trauma. I wonder if they are screening couples that are able to tell a neat psychoanalytic story in this way. How much are the couples sharing with the production team before the therapy starts?

There were also a few moments where I wondered if Orna had been briefed. One example, when Jason and Marge are talking about her mother. The tension with her mother made a lot of sense already, but then Orna asks “what gives her power” and easily uncovers the mother pays for the kids school. But again, maybe just the editing?

What are your thoughts?