u/GoofyGoobersClub

Eating is painful??

Hi there.

I am 26, 5 ft 3in, and have been underweight since as long as I can remember. I was born premature and at only a few ounces. Almost died and had to be in an incubator for a few months. I dont know if that means my premi status makes me lighter and smaller. But. Every single doctor I ever saw growing up said my body fat percentage is like non existent and I was underweight.

I am trying to eat more. I currently can only get down *maybe* 1000 calories a day. Sometimes less. Which I know isn't a lot and a dietitian told me I need to reach the goal of 2,500 to 2,800 calories if I want to gain weight.

I have been diagnosed with ARFID and gastroparesis. I also have endometriosis. Which means that I am in EXTREME pain EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I. EAT.

I saw my psych a few weeks ago and I am back down from 110 to 98 pounds. My dietitian has a goal weight of 125 pounds that I fear I will never reach. I am loosing hope. I will be seeing a doctor for a colonoscopy in case something is up with my GI tract.

My questions are... what do you do about the pain? Is it normal to be in pain when underweight and trying to eat more? I feel like I've always been in pain when I eat. Sometimes I'll take gasx or pepcid to relieve gi upset. But it doesn't really help. Maybe I just need to drink like WAY more water?

I would super appreciate any tips to relieve pain from eating. How to stretch out my stomach. How to listen to hunger cues. How to keep eating when my ARFIDS literally makes me gag on the food as I try to eat more.

I think the arfids causes sensory, texture, and mouth feel issues, sometimes taste issues. I have no idea how to work with my arfids to find food that won't trigger these reflexes.

I feel very hopeless. I want to start working out but I have been told by doctors that I am too underweight to be exercising. I know excercise in the past has really improved my appetite though.

I do have a plan to start drinking an ice cream shake with protein powder before bed. Learned that from reddit, about how the body stores fat at night. I also might try to split up my meals into 6 across the day instead of 3 larger meals. I am stashing snacks all over my place so that I SEE the food and hope I just start snacking. But maybe I need to be on a more strict eating schedule. I got up to 117 lbs in my prime with an intensive eating disorder program. But then I lost my insurance. Have new insurance now but they wont cover/I can't afford the intensive program again. (But also the program didn't really help me with arfids. They basically just told me to eat through the pain/disgust).

I just want to enjoy food, and feel good in my body. But eating has always caused me pain. Advice would be so appreciated. I am so lost. I just want to feel healthy again and not in pain anymore. Thank you.

Hi there.

I am 26, 5 ft 3in, and have been underweight since as long as I can remember. I was born premature and at only a few ounces. Almost died and had to be in an incubator for a few months. I dont know if that means my premi status makes me lighter and smaller. But. Every single doctor I ever saw growing up said my body fat percentage is like non existent and I was underweight.

I am trying to eat more. I currently can only get down maybe 1000 calories a day. Sometimes less. Which I know isn't a lot and a dietitian told me I need to reach the goal of 2,500 to 2,800 calories if I want to gain weight.

I have been diagnosed with ARFID and gastroparesis. I also have endometriosis. Which means that I am in EXTREME pain EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I. EAT.

I saw my psych a few weeks ago and I am back down from 110 to 98 pounds. My dietitian has a goal weight of 125 pounds that I fear I will never reach. I am loosing hope. I will be seeing a doctor for a colonoscopy in case something is up with my GI tract.

My question is... what do you do about the pain? Is it normal to be in pain when underweight and trying to eat more? I feel like I've always been in pain when I eat. Sometimes I'll take gasx or pepcid to relieve gi upset. But it doesn't really help. Maybe I just need to drink like WAY more water?

I would super appreciate any tips to relieve pain from eating. How to stretch out my stomach. How to listen to hunger cues. How to keep eating when my arfids litterally makes me gag on the food as I try to eat more.

I feel very hopeless. I want to start working out but I have been told by doctors that I am too underweight to be exercising. I know excercise in the past has really improved my appetite though.

I do have a plan to start drinking an ice cream shake with protein powder before bed. Learned that from reddit, about how the body stores fat at night. I also might try to split up my meals into 6 across the day instead of 3 larger meals. I am stashing snacks all over my place so that I SEE the food and hope I just start snacking. But maybe I need to be on a more strict eating schedule. I got up to 117 lbs in my prime with an intensive eating disorder program. But then I lost my insurance. Have new insurance now but they wont cover/I can't afford the intensive program again.

I just want to enjoy food, and feel good in my body. But eating has always caused me pain. Advice would be so appreciated. I am so lost. I just want to feel healthy again and not in pain anymore. Thank you.

Purpose of post: to tell my story, to vent, to ask for advice. Trigger warning...if it isn't obvious.

So. I haven't really posted this story anywhere. Been lurking here for a while because I've been going to therapy and trying to keep processing things without triggering myself. But... today, my mom called and told me my abuser now knows about what happened to me in our childhood.

Backstory: my abuser was my older sister, 6 years apart. She raped me when I was 9y/o. The abuse continued until I was 14 y/o. I cut contact with her when I was 17 and haven't spoken to her for about 10 years now.

I told my parents the whole story, all the gory details, in a therapy session a while back. They've been very supportive. But of course, they won't/can't cut contact with my abuser. They also employ my abuser.

My abuser is diagnosed BPD. She was using drugs from when I was about 8-12, but the abuse continued after she became a recovering addict. She had a myriad of other behaviors that were very BPD coded. Suicidality, suicide attempts, binge/black out drinking, guilt tripping, manipulation, stealing, lying, drunk driving, reckless medication use, domestic arguments turned fist fights with my parents, or her ex.

I think some of the most shitty things she has done (other than the SA) was drink and drive, abuse animals, and then attempt suicide right *after* my grandfather died from cancer. (These things happened after rehab).

She has crossed so so many lines. And yet...my parents keep her around. My dad more so than my mom. My dad enables her behavior. My mom has basically cut her off, but will get involved if my dad is.

Honestly, from my perspective, she has made my family's life a living hell. I can't figure out how my parents haven't acknowledged this.

Back to the phone call. My mom tells me my dad told abuser about what I had told him regarding the abuse. He tells her this as she was comparing my relationship with her to her relationship with my mom (she hates my mom's guts). As if they were the same strained relationship. My dad clarified and said that my (non-existent) relationship with her has to do with the abuse she put me through.

I don't have the whole story here. But I guess my dad told her some specific details about the abuse, like time frames and locations, and while she admitted that she molested me, she denied raping me. Of course, I expected this to happen. That she'd deny it happened.

I guess my grandmother heard (has been aware of the situation for a year or so) and she called my mom. She is respectful of the situation, however, a little pushy about me and my sister "needing to talk it out". As if the borderline abusive asshole has a bone in her body to have a calm and respectful conversation about an emotionally sensitive topic, especially one where she is to blame.

So...my parents are playing both sides, placating me, validating me, then turning around and placating the abuser. And now? Now that she is aware of what *I remember* her doing to me, she is...in denial and like actually spiraling? The details are unclear.

My need for advice comes from what my grandma said. Do I contact my abuser to tell her why I do not want to ever speak to her again? Do we try to "talk it out", even though I'm like 70% positive it'll end in a screaming match, and 90% positive it'll end with her drunk driving/attempting suicide?

I don't think there is any scenario where I could have a conversation with her and some shit doesn't hit the fan. She could claim she's the victim. Or that she blames my parents for why she is how she is.

Regardless, I don't give a shit what she thinks. I don't care if she denies it or takes accountability for what she did to me.

And I don't want to talk to her ever again. But...this seems to have put my parents in a weird position.

So...is it my responsibility to confront my abuser and tell her off? Is it my responsibility to reason with her and "meet her half way"? Or can I say fuck it and let my parents take the responsibility as she is their child?

Part of me wants my parents to clean up the mess they've made. But the abuser has some sort of hold over them. Call it genetics or Stockholm syndrome. I call it abusive trauma manipulation.

I haven't had a relationship with another family member due to the abuser working for them. So I've already sacrificed like three or four relationships with extended family over this.

I am also starting to convince myself it didn't happen. Am I exaggerating memories of molestation? Either way, that's still fucked up, right?

I just don't know what to do. And all I really want is for me and my family to be out from under her abusive, disgusting thumb. Sometimes I wish she was successful in her suicide attempts.

Sorry I feel like I am rambling now. I don't really know where to go from here. Advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.