So I'm going to a funeral I guess it was an old friend of my in-laws passed away I don't really know them but I'm going to support my partner who knew them a little bit and my in-laws as well. The guy was in the hair and beauty industry and a pretty big name locally so I figured I better be his fabulous as what makes sense.
Just wanted to give everyone a little life update, because I know a lot of you have been incredibly kind and supportive over the years.
The last several months have honestly been really rough. I’ve applied to just shy of 1,200 jobs, interviewed with 43 different companies, and made it to the final round seven different times, meaning I was one of the final two candidates, but I still haven’t been able to get to the offer stage. Unemployment runs out next month, and after that we only have a few months of savings left, so the stress has really started to hit hard.
My mental health is probably at the lowest point it’s ever been, and thankfully I do have a therapist I’ve been working with for the last five years who has been helping me through all of this. But I won’t lie, even something as simple as putting on a full face of makeup and finding a cute outfit can feel exhausting right now.
That said, I still wanted to share this outfit with everyone. If it manages to make even one person smile or brighten their day a little bit, then that’s worth it to me. ❤️
I honestly do not know what else to improve at this point and I guess I just need to vent a little.
I have been in customer success for about 7 years and was doing very well in my career until I took a more senior role at another company and got laid off only 3 months later.
Since November, I have:
Applied to 1,100+ jobs
Interviewed with 40 different companies
Gone through roughly 70 rounds of interviews
Made it to 6 final rounds
I have gotten feedback along the way and incorporated as much of it as possible. I prep heavily, tailor my approach, study the companies, build presentations, practice answers, and clearly I am doing a lot right because I keep advancing through these processes. These are jobs with hundreds or thousands of applicants and I am consistently making it down to the final 1-2 candidates.
At some point it becomes hard not to question if something else is going on. Customer success is insanely competitive right now, so I know that is part of it. There are people with 10+ years of experience applying for mid-level roles. But six final rounds with no offer is really hard to swallow.
The only thing I can genuinely think of at this point is discrimination. I am transgender. I do not explicitly disclose that during interviews, but if my voice slips a bit or someone is particularly observant during a 30-45 minute conversation, it is possible they pick up on it.
And honestly, I hate even thinking that way because I never want to assume bad intent. But when you are consistently told how impressive you are, how strong your interview was, how close the decision was, and still never cross the finish line, your brain starts trying to fill in the blanks.
I do not know. Maybe I just needed to get this off my chest.
So it’s taking my in-laws a while, but they’re slowly coming around to my transition. They’re good with my name, though they still struggle with pronouns. I try not to be too hard on them because repetition is really the only way they’ll get comfortable with it.
I’ve been with their child (36NB) for 12 years, married for 9, and they knew very early on about my struggles with gender identity, so my transition about five years ago wasn’t exactly a surprise.
This is how the conversation went and some context, my spouse's sister is going to be gone for 4 years, she hasn't passed away. Also my mother-in-law has probably 10 to 15 photos of us.
Me: I was going to have these 4 photos done for yinz to add or update the wall somewhat. Figured you didn't have anything recent of us and these are the last 2 photos we have with (spouses sister). I really like the photo from our prom I think Ali looks really good in that photo!
MIL: I like my photos just the way they are. But thank you
Me: Okay no worries. Figured I'd send the ones I have with us and (spouses sister) just in case you wanted those.
Her: You can’t change things in other peoples houses my dear
Me: It wasn't my intention, I just updated our photos today with newer ones. I know I said a few times I would get you updated photos if you wanted them, but I kept forgetting to do it. So since I was thinking about it I finally remembered to do it. If you need/want any photos just let me know and I can get them over to you.
Obviously, in a perfect world, I’d love for her to replace most of the pre-transition photos with newer ones. But I also recognize I can’t dictate what people do in their own home. I’ve chosen to keep them in my life, and that means accepting some things while they continue adjusting.
She also doesn’t have access to my photo albums, so I figured offering updated photos wasn’t unreasonable. I never asked her to take down the old ones, just offered newer options if she wanted them.
Did I overstep here?
I’m getting really frustrated with the “just do DoorDash or Uber” advice.
For context, my partner makes about $70k and I was making $110k before getting laid off. We weren’t living some crazy lifestyle either. I have a cheap car lease at $275, we own one car, both work from home, and our mortgage was only about 17% of take-home ($1,800). We shop at Aldi, I cook most nights, and we were saving about 15% for retirement.
That said, we do have some unavoidable higher costs. Our dog is about $900 a month (long story), and utilities are around $700 a month.
Now I’m on unemployment making about $24k a year equivalent, and we’re slowly dipping into savings each month.
What really gets to me is people acting like I’m not trying and saying “just drive Uber or DoorDash.”
• It’s not even that profitable in most cases
• My car is a low-mileage lease and doesn’t allow that kind of use
• My partner’s car needs a transmission soon, and doing delivery would basically kill it immediately
Meanwhile, I’ve submitted 1,060 applications in 5 months, had 37 companies interview me, 65 total interview rounds, and made it to 6 final rounds where I was a top candidate but didn’t get picked.
I’m applying to 40 to 60 jobs per week, and I’m not just spamming applications. I’m tailoring them and targeting roles I actually match well.
So yeah… being told to “just do gig work” like I’m sitting around doing nothing is beyond frustrating
I’ve been living as a trans woman for a few years now. I’m in a pretty conservative area, but I’ve been able to stay mostly stealth, which I’m really grateful for.
I also have an incredibly supportive spouse who has been amazing through all of this. My brother and I have had some really honest conversations too, and while it’s not perfect, we found something that works. He mostly avoids pronouns and uses my name or “sibling,” which I can live with.
My dad is where I’m struggling.
We’re actually really close. I cook dinner for him every Monday, we spend a lot of time together, and he does use my name (it’s close to my birth name, so that part wasn’t a huge adjustment). But he still uses the wrong pronouns.
I’ve brought it up once before, but I haven’t really enforced it. And honestly, it’s harder for me to correct my own dad than anyone else.
What’s confusing is that I know he cares. Recently, one of his coworkers misgendered me after initially getting it right. Turns out she changed how she referred to me after learning I was his “son.” I told my dad about it, and the next time I saw her, she immediately corrected herself and got it right. I told him about this and he said that's good, he talked to her about that. Which brought me to tears knowing he really did that for me!
That meant a lot to me. It showed me he’s willing to stand up for me.
But at the same time, he still can’t seem to use the right pronouns himself.
I don’t think it’s coming from a place of malice, which almost makes it harder to address. I don’t want to damage our relationship or make things tense between us, especially since we’re so close.
But one of the big reasons other than making me feel bad is safety. We want to travel together soon going to racing events and using the wrong pronouns will put me at great risk. I know he's defend me but I don't want to ever be out into that situation.
So I guess my question is:
How do I bring this up in a way that actually sticks, without making it feel like I’m attacking him or risking the relationship?
Would really appreciate advice from anyone who’s been in a similar spot.