u/Gravityfallsxhazbin

I’m so tired of avoiding and procrastinating my schoolwork. I know the answer is always just try harder, at least in my experience. I’ve heard so many tips and tricks but none of them really work for me. The only things that really work are extreme effort and harsh deadlines. If that anymore.

I know my phone is most definitely apart of the problem, and I’m trying to fix that too.

I thrive under external pressure and social feedback. In my current setup I don’t really get either.

I was wondering if anyone would be willing to have daily check ins with me? I know it is a lot to ask of some random stranger on the internet, but I don’t really have anyone else. I also know it sounds ridiculous since I am an adult, I really should be able to hold myself accountable by now, but I’m terrible at it. To be honest I don’t even know if it will even really work, but at this point I am willing to try anything.

I’d be willing to have check-ins with the other person as well, just kind of helping each other out I suppose.

If not I completely understand, it is a rather odd request. Any tips would also be greatly appreciated.

I don’t know what to do really anymore. I used to be so incredibly passionate and determined. I wanted to travel, taste so many different foods, I wanted to experience all the world had to offer. Most of all though, I wanted to learn. I wanted to attempt to go into chemistry, not because it would be easy, but because it would be hard. I didn’t care if it took me ten times longer than anyone else to learn anything, I still wanted to do it. Not for money or fame, but because I loved it.

Now though? I don’t really feel determined to do anything. I don’t even want to engage in hobbies. It’s strange really, I have failed time and time again, such is life. I have been expelled from multiple different schools(all due to either tardiness or me just not forcing myself to go anymore), all with various structures. I have lost so many different jobs. I never let it deter me though. I kept getting back up, over and over again. I don’t really feel a desire to try anymore. I feel like I’m just done.

>!Huge trigger warning I suppose….. I often crave death. Yet i cannot get myself to act. I often find myself thinking if it is death i truly wanted, then why won’t I take the leap(literally hahaha).!<

Anyway, i guess I just don’t know if i actually need professional support or not. Even if i did, where would i even go? What would i say?

Maybe it’s as simple as just trying harder again.

Thanks to anyone who listened and gave advice. I will probably delete this later.

Forgive me if this is long and poorly written , I’m just so lost.

I have never tried in school. My parents never really cared enough to check my grades, or my homework, or even my attendance. So I did what I assume many kids would, ignore school and just have fun. I played video games and watched tv my whole life. So I got minimum amounts of education.

One year, in sophomore year I think, i decided this was the year. A decision I often made throughout my school career, only to not keep up a month later. So I put all of my efforts into school. I got a part time job even to pay for summer classes(to recover from freshman year). I like every time before this grew tired of constant effort, and started to go back to tv. However this time, I made myself get up and keep going. Every month of the school year there’d be a week where I just couldn’t make myself get up and try anymore, but I’d keep going anyways. Summer came and I did buy the summer classes. They were online though, so I ended up ignoring them, ultimately hurting my gpa. I went back the next year, I kept trying. Until halfway through the year I just couldn’t. I just stopped going and couldn’t get myself to go anymore, even after a week. It was the same thing for my job. I inevitably had been withdrawn from school, and had lost my job. This isn’t the first time it happened with school either.

At the time it felt like I had lost everything. Even though I tried, even though I so desperately worked to keep up with my peers. I got extremely depressed. I felt empty and alone for months. It probably didn’t help that my parents continued to call me lazy, and a failure. I had attempted suicide, if you can really call it that(as I didn’t end up in the hospital).

That was my wake up call. I took a month of rest. I found another school, and another job. It went well for a few months, until again it didn’t. I started being late frequently, I started not keeping up with homework, ect.

This has been going on for a year. I have tried all of the strategies, like break things down, start small, prioritize health ect. Nothing really helps. It is only when I push my absolute hardest do I become functional, or at least average.

I want to live. I want to enjoy life as best I can. In order to do that I need to do these things. But I can’t do these things unless I push extremely hard.

So truthfully I’m scared that if I push again I’ll end up in the same mental space, but succeed in ending things.

Anyway I need advice on what exactly to do now…? I could try to push again, I feel that determination, but it most likely won’t last. I could not try like years before, but I’d miss out on the chance to truly live the life I want. I can keep trying with small goals, even though half the time they feel just as hard to start as bigger vaguer ones.
So really any advice on how to fix this cycle or how to be better would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance for anyone who may read my rant haha

Every week it is the same. I keep saying yeah it will be different, that I will fix one thing, that I’ll do homework, what I’ll be on time for work. I never actually fix anything though. I try timers, but they’re easy to ignore so I never actually have any benefit from them. I try to break things down but it’s just more time spent procrastinating and not actually being productive.

I’m in high school. I shouldn’t be. I should’ve graduated a year ago. I had so many chances to fix it, but I keep messing up of my own accord.

I burned out badly two years ago in an attempt to fix it, in hopes of actually graduating on time, hoping I could fix my terrible gpa. It didn’t actually fix anything though. Now I can’t force myself to do anything anymore.

At any rate I was wondering if there any way to fix this? Or am I just a lost cause?