u/Great-Grapefruit-944

I grew up in India. Middle class family, good education and a privileged childhood. And India will always be home , the food, the languages, the festivals, the warmth of people who feed you before they know your name. I genuinely, deeply love it.

But here’s what nobody talked about. I spent my entire early life learning survival before freedom. Don’t stay out late. Don’t wear that. Don’t walk alone. Don’t react to the staring. Don’t draw attention to yourself.

I thought this was just life. Normal. What every woman everywhere deals with. Then I moved to a western country. And traveled through many others.

And I want to say this as someone who has been to a lot of countries across different continents , I have never seen the specific combination of things that is completely normalized back home. The filth that everyone just walks past like it doesn’t exist. The staring that follows you like a second shadow. The way women are looked at in public like they owe someone an explanation for simply being outside.

I thought this was a human problem. Turns out it’s not. It’s a very specific problem that we have collectively decided to just live with.

And then the bigger realization hit me.

I had lost parts of my personality growing up there and didn’t even know it.

I had slowly shrunk myself over years. Stopped having loud opinions because opinions invite attention. Stopped dressing how I wanted. Stopped laughing too freely. I had quietly edited myself into someone manageable. Someone who wouldn’t cause problems just by existing.

I didn’t realize any of this until I was somewhere that didn’t require it.

Slowly I got louder again. Started taking up space again. Found the personality I think I was always supposed to have. And it hit me India didn’t take this in one big moment. It happened in a thousand small ones. Every stare. Every comment. Every time I was told to adjust instead of being protected.

The west is not perfect and I won’t pretend it is. Racism is real and it shows up in ways you don’t always see coming. There are things you give up when you leave your people, your roots, the feeling of belonging somewhere completely. Those are my choices and my trade-offs to make. But that is very different from a society that structurally fails its women and calls it culture.

For the first time I felt like a human being before I felt like a woman managing her own safety full time.

I miss India every single day. The chaos, the color, the food at 2am, the festivals. I miss it in a way that never goes away. But I also know exactly what it cost me to grow up there.

Both things are true. You can love your country and also grieve what it quietly took from you. I found myself again at 30 in a country that wasn’t mine and that should honestly break all of us a little. And this is just one of the many things we have accepted without question. It shouldn’t be normal. It never should have been. Would especially love to hear from the women in this community.

I grew up in India. Middle class family, good education and a privileged childhood. And India will always be home , the food, the languages, the festivals, the warmth of people who feed you before they know your name. I genuinely, deeply love it.

But here’s what nobody talked about. I spent my entire early life learning survival before freedom. Don’t stay out late. Don’t wear that. Don’t walk alone. Don’t react to the staring. Don’t draw attention to yourself.

I thought this was just life. Normal. What every woman everywhere deals with. Then I moved to a western country. And traveled through many others.

And I want to say this as someone who has been to a lot of countries across different continents , I have never seen the specific combination of things that is completely normalized back home. The filth that everyone just walks past like it doesn’t exist. The staring that follows you like a second shadow. The way women are looked at in public like they owe someone an explanation for simply being outside.

I thought this was a human problem. Turns out it’s not. It’s a very specific problem that we have collectively decided to just live with.

And then the bigger realization hit me.

I had lost parts of my personality growing up there and didn’t even know it.

I had slowly shrunk myself over years. Stopped having loud opinions because opinions invite attention. Stopped dressing how I wanted. Stopped laughing too freely. I had quietly edited myself into someone manageable. Someone who wouldn’t cause problems just by existing.

I didn’t realize any of this until I was somewhere that didn’t require it.

Slowly I got louder again. Started taking up space again. Found the personality I think I was always supposed to have. And it hit me India didn’t take this in one big moment. It happened in a thousand small ones. Every stare. Every comment. Every time I was told to adjust instead of being protected.

The west is not perfect and I won’t pretend it is. Racism is real and it shows up in ways you don’t always see coming. There are things you give up when you leave your people, your roots, the feeling of belonging somewhere completely. Those are my choices and my trade-offs to make. But that is very different from a society that structurally fails its women and calls it culture.

For the first time I felt like a human being before I felt like a woman managing her own safety full time.

I miss India every single day. The chaos, the color, the food at 2am, the festivals. I miss it in a way that never goes away. But I also know exactly what it cost me to grow up there.

Both things are true. You can love your country and also grieve what it quietly took from you. I found myself again at 30 in a country that wasn’t mine and that should honestly break all of us a little. And this is just one of the many things we have accepted without question. It shouldn’t be normal. It never should have been. Would especially love to hear from the women in this community.

There’s a very specific type of person I’ve noticed. They live in Almere, Amstelveen, Purmerend, wherever perfectly fine places, genuinely no shade but the moment you mention you live in Amsterdam, something switches.
Tell them you’re in the Jordaan? Oh boy. Suddenly it’s “must be SO touristy,” “how do you even sleep,” “all that chaos, I could never.” Unprompted. Every time.
Here’s the thing, I have never once commented on where they live. Not once. Because why would I? You chose your city, I chose mine. That’s literally how life works.
I don’t need you to validate Amsterdam and I’m not asking you to move here. But this weird compulsion to convince me that my home is somehow a mistake where does that even come from?
Live and let live is really not that complicated.
Amsterdam isn’t for everyone and that’s completely fine. But some of us genuinely love it here, the canals, the energy, yes even the chaos and we’re not looking to be talked out of it in the comments of every post.
Rant over. Anyone else get this or is it just me? 😄