u/Greedy-Carpenter2306

I have an online friend who lives in the city where I've been doing my internship. A while back, I asked if she wanted to hang out, but it never happened, and I tried to be understanding. Life gets busy, and I know not everything works out the way we hope.

But over time, she also started talking to me less and less. Our conversations became shorter, less frequent, and it slowly felt like I was the only one trying to keep the friendship alive. That hurt more than I expected. It's sad watching someone who used to feel important in your life gradually drift away without ever really saying why.
Now I'm leaving soon, and part of me wonders if I should ask one last time to hang out. I don't want to regret never giving it one final chance, but I also don't want to keep reaching for someone who doesn't seem to be reaching back.

If I ask again and nothing comes of it, I think that might be the answer I've been avoiding. At that point, blocking her wouldn't be about revenge or trying to make her feel guilty. It wouldn't be a punishment. It would be my way of accepting that this friendship has come to an end. More than anything, it would be like placing a gravestone over something that has already died a way of acknowledging what we've lost, giving myself permission to stop hoping things will go back to how they were, and finally moving forward instead of holding on to something that no longer exists.

TL;DR: She slowly drifted away, and that hurt more than I expected. I'm wondering if I should ask to hang out one last time before I leave so I know I gave the friendship every chance. If she still doesn't make an effort, I don't see blocking her as punishment I see it as accepting that the friendship is over, putting a gravestone on something that's already gone, and allowing myself to finally move on.

I have an online friend who lives in the city where I've been doing my internship. A while back, I asked if she wanted to hang out, but it never happened, and I tried to be understanding. Life gets busy, and I know not everything works out the way we hope.

But over time, she also started talking to me less and less. Our conversations became shorter, less frequent, and it slowly felt like I was the only one trying to keep the friendship alive. That hurt more than I expected. It's sad watching someone who used to feel important in your life gradually drift away without ever really saying why.
Now I'm leaving soon, and part of me wonders if I should ask one last time to hang out. I don't want to regret never giving it one final chance, but I also don't want to keep reaching for someone who doesn't seem to be reaching back.

If I ask again and nothing comes of it, I think that might be the answer I've been avoiding. At that point, blocking her wouldn't be about revenge or trying to make her feel guilty. It wouldn't be a punishment. It would be my way of accepting that this friendship has come to an end. More than anything, it would be like placing a gravestone over something that has already died a way of acknowledging what we've lost, giving myself permission to stop hoping things will go back to how they were, and finally moving forward instead of holding on to something that no longer exists.

TL;DR: She slowly drifted away, and that hurt more than I expected. I'm wondering if I should ask to hang out one last time before I leave so I know I gave the friendship every chance. If she still doesn't make an effort, I don't see blocking her as punishment I see it as accepting that the friendship is over, putting a gravestone on something that's already gone, and allowing myself to finally move on.

I mean I was used for emotional intimacy because someone else's partner couldn't or wouldn't meet those needs. They turned to me when they were lonely, when they needed comfort, attention, or connection, and I gave them pieces of myself believing they genuinely cared. But when their partner was present again, I became an afterthought.

That's what hurts the most. I wasn't chosen I was convenient. They keep me emotionally tied to them, making me feel special just enough that I don't walk away, only to become distant and cold once they've gotten what they needed. Then, when they're lonely again, they come back as if nothing happened. It's a cycle that leaves me feeling less like a person and more like something they keep on a shelf until it's useful again.

I feel gross. I feel disposable. Like a broken toy that's only picked up when someone wants to play with it, then tossed aside the moment it's no longer entertaining or necessary. A toy doesn't get to decide when it's loved. It just waits, hoping this time someone will keep holding onto it instead of putting it back in the box. That's how I feel like I've been worn down by someone else's loneliness until I don't recognize myself anymore.

The worst part is that, despite everything, some part of me still wants to be her friend. I hate admitting that. I don't know if it's because I miss the version of her that made me feel seen, because I keep hoping she'll suddenly treat me differently, or because I'm holding onto a person who only seemed to exist in the moments she needed me. I know this friendship hurts me, and yet I still find myself wishing things could go back to the good moments. That makes me feel weak. It makes me feel pathetic. It makes me angry at myself for caring about someone who doesn't seem to care for me in the same way.

I'm angry at her for using my heart as a place to rest whenever hers felt empty. I'm angry that she made me feel important just long enough to keep me from walking away. But I'm also angry at myself because I ignored the feeling that something wasn't right. I kept hoping that if I was patient enough, kind enough, understanding enough, maybe I'd finally matter outside of the moments when I was convenient.

I'm embarrassed by all of it. Embarrassed that I let myself become so emotionally invested. Embarrassed that I kept accepting crumbs because I convinced myself they were enough. Embarrassed that I still miss someone who hurt me. I keep replaying every conversation in my head wondering if everyone else could see what I couldn't that I was just filling a space someone else left empty.

What makes it even harder is that cheating, in any form, has always been something I despise. My dad cheated on my mom, and I watched what that betrayal did to her. It shattered her confidence, her trust, and parts of herself that never fully came back. I grew up knowing how destructive infidelity can be, which is why realizing I became part of an emotional affair even if I wasn't the one in the relationship and even if I didn't fully understand what was happening at first makes me sick. It clashes with everything I believe in. I never wanted to be connected to something that could hurt another person like that, and carrying that realization fills me with shame. I know, logically, that I didn't create this situation by myself. I wasn't the one who had a partner and chose to seek emotional intimacy somewhere else. Those were her decisions. But logic doesn't erase how I feel. I still feel like I played a part, and that's a weight I don't know how to put down.

Some days I just want to throw myself away the same way she made me feel thrown away. Like if I'm this broken, this used, this stained by the whole experience, maybe I belong in the trash with the rest of the things people don't want anymore. I know that's not the truth. I know my worth isn't determined by the way someone treated me. But knowing something in my head doesn't make my heart believe it yet.

I'm exhausted from carrying the weight of someone else's emotional needs while mine are ignored. I'm tired of feeling like my value only exists when someone else has an empty space they want me to fill. I don't want to keep living like a broken toy waiting for someone to remember I exist. I want to believe that one day I'll stop measuring my worth by whether someone chooses me only when it's convenient, and start believing I deserve to be chosen consistently, honestly, and without conditions.