u/Grim-Speck

(TW for mention of MAID/VSED in last sentence- I'm not sure it's really necessary but I don't know what comments will look like, so more preemptively for that.)

Also...I *think* its fury, but not sure. With all the stress of other unrelated issues in my life ATM, I cant muster up any feelings, especially strong ones.

Anyway, prescribing Dr for over 35 years is retiring. I had my annual a few weeks ago. Dr said theyd be in office thru 20-something and would prescribe my & SO's remaining meds before that as a bridge script so we could get to the two PM drs I have lined up, and ever my SO does.

THEY LOCKED PCP OUT EARLY AND SHE FOUND OUT ON THE WEEKEND TRYING TO PUT MY & SO'S MEDS THRU!

I'm 50; I've been stable on these meds since 2018, with just the addition of Tizazidine and a tweak in my Fent doses. Before that, stable about as long. I've been on pain meds since I was a \*\*child\*\* (although less strong stuff early on)

I was told the new dr (and others in practice) would NOT Continue my PM. I had already made a "consult" appt to meet the new PCP to find out what this new PCP \*would\* prescribe so i knew what I needed covered by new dr(s). That appt was today and now had the added issue of asking for a bridge. I came prepared with IL state law protecting drs, explained my Dr's unexpected lock out (who was there to confirm) and I asked \*only\* for a bridge to get me to the PM appt's I had made - the earliest times they could fit me in fell within what was supposed to be my bridge.

I HAVE TWO, 48HR DOSES LEFT AS DOES MY SO.

WORSE?

- She was rude about & dismissed my HRT meds as necessary (I have the impression but can't confirm, the dismissal had to do with not doing \*all\* possible surgeries- which are contraindicated for my EDS, and havent been required fir ages under any modern med model anyway.)

- **She DELETED one of my Fentanyl scripts\*\* (I have to combine 2 different doses to get the correct dose). If I end up in the hospital, tapered, or if I can find someone to write a bridge, they'll be doing so on the belief I'm on approx 2/3rd the correct dose I've been on for years.

- She accused me of abusing my service dog

- She gave me the equivilent of **2 days worth** of klonopin to "bridge" me **for a *month***- not enough to even *self taper* from! (Most of my & SO's meds are refilled around the same time as patches)

- I requested a letter/note explaining her reason for the Refusals and she said she said she'd put it in the appoint summary, and appeared to be typing but when I checked at home, there is no letter/note explaining her decision.

She knows I have 2×Naloxone at home, never needed it, but so what.

I asked if as a dr she knew what suddenly stopping all my meds, at their doses, would do? She said it was very dangerous, so I needed to "find someone else" ... IN LESS THAN FOUR DAYS!? WHEN WE'VE BEEN SEARCHING FOR MONTHS!?

After this consult, I'm removing this dr as my PCP (can I do this by mychart?) Given that, when she said "sorry and good luck" I told her flat out, that expressing "sympathy" while simultaneously engaging in PATIENT ABABDONMENT made her a LIAR & UNWORTHY OF A LICENSE SHE USES TO ACTIVELY HARM PEOPLE, TO POSSIBLE POINT OF DEATH.

I didn't yell it. I'm barely verbal and was slipping into situational mutism by then, so it was more a whisper.

SO & Mother had consults lined up also, and they are cancelling.

THESE MEDS KEEP ME STANDING AND WALKING- ***LITERALLY*** Without them, How the fuck am I supposed to get to my 2 PM consults, or any&ĥ?

Now I need to contact my attorneys and ask if they can get me a continuance. Last time we did this, because my back injury flared so bad I needed injections, I submitted Dr letter, and *still* got a FTA bench warrant that put me into a 3 day withdrawal, spare the patch I was wearing they let me keep on. I ***still*** am not fully recovered from that, and it was almost a year ago! Plus the state is arguing I should NOT get accommodations because I "look" able bodied and my they claim my mutism is an "act" despite PCP, private Psychologist's letter, and recommendation from the court psychologist. That time was with one of 4 public defenders who didn't pass dr info on to judge. This time I've private attorneys: I saved up almost 3 years combined with other savings & donations to afford them- I know the court stuff is their responsibility but if I'm too incapacitated to communicate with with them, they can't build a proper defence. If I can't get to PM drs - I sure as he'll can't get into the courthouse, sit still, or comprehend/answer questions in this condition. Even when mute, I will scream if it's bad enough- BTDT

My SO is in an even WORSE position, because they already have a seizure disorder the meds just reduce/moderate- they still have weekly seizures. This is going to cause them full blown Epileptic Staticus Epilepticus. Even if the hospital stablises them they come back with NO MEDS and go into seizures AGAIN!

What else should I try, besides what's in the img files? (Which just covers the DR side). I have to write my attorneys next, so that's not in here.

I knew things were ***BAD***, but my lifelong, now retiring PCP kept me relatively sheltered/safe. I kept up with issues in the news & support groups. If this is a taste of what's to come, you all are far stronger than me.

I have a Pegasos fund, but I'm currently prohibited from leaving the state, let alone country. I'm about ready to just VSED on top of the multi-medication withdrawal and let the result speak for itself.

My first time growing avocado from seed... got 3 more seeds in soil, on a heat mat- staggered as we eat the avacados then plant them, so mord on the way. One seems to be cracking so hopefully will see shoots in following weeks. We're currently dealing with a family-legal drama and stuck in a long stay motel... I have 2 West facing 5x5 windows with wide & strong sills; thats where this one is atm; I have multiple grow lights situated around it and my other plants & trees (iow, side light at different angles, not strait down from above). It gets 16hrs light/day between window and lights. Also has a fan there on 24hr gentle air circulation.

As I'm too far north to put it in the ground (plus I move a lot), I'm wondering what to plan for my avacados- I see 2 options (if there's a 3rd I don't know, lmk!)

*1. Can I set up an indoor situation to produce fruit (eg buying or building a climate suited greenhouse that can fit in a skoolie (6ft max height)). I'm growing out as many seeds as I can, now that I got the process down, so I can cross pollinate. I've hand pollinated various veggies/fruits/grains before. I don't care if they "breed true to type", I've planted apple & other seeds just to see what I'd get; I am also currently growing, just for example, tomato's from campari seeds- a project I did a decade+ ago... took a couple generations to get back to campari like fruit; ive crossed squash, corn, etc just for fun with "meh" to "wow" results. Also have squash, alliums, strawberries, asparagus, greens, dwarf apples etc etc in the room atm... we've been eating the alliums and strawberries already. I find the "what will I get" and "can I breed this to something better" fun. Yes, I know avacado take a long time to get to fruiting, if they ever do.

*2. Is fruiting impossible up north, even in a greenhouse? If so, can I train it as a bonsai instead (maybe a "big bonsai" if there is a word for that?). If I go this route, is room temp fine or should I still buy/build an indoor greenhouse or keep them on a heat mat even after they're officially trees?

I'm going to the gardening store this weekend. What size pot should I get it for either project 1 or 2?

Last month we ordered some dwarf fruit trees and threw in a Corkscrew which was on clearance (aka: dragon's claw willow, contorted willow).

Long story short: family legal issues got us stuck in a motel out of state and likely won't be leaving until 2027, maybe even later. I'd like to know how I can best keep the Corkscrew alive until we can go back home. When family crisis is over, we'll be travelling home in a skoolie, so I don't want the tree to get over 6ft tall max, so it will fit in the skoolie.

It was delivered via mail, dormant with all side branches cut back, and main truck approx 3.5 to 4 ft tall.

I currently have it in a 5 gal bucket with drilled drainage holes; it's in a motel room, in front of a West facing 5ft wide 5ft tall window. There is a fan near (PVAC but set to "constant fan" for air circulation even if not running heat or AC). It has 4 grow lights, one in photos, others moved out of way due to their interference with phone camera (2 LED and 2 florescent (the LED ones are currently set to white, but can be changed to blue, red, purple or any other colours (yellow, green etc)). The lights are staggered on the side of the tree, NOT above pointed strait down). I've been keeping soil moist, but not soaked.

The tree is "waking up" with healthy shoots & leaves starting at the base and gradually working upwards.

I'm not concerned with shaping it ornamentally as it already is 3½-4 ft tall, so i can't do much with the main trunk... only shaping branches if needed to improve it's health (airflow, light to leaves etc). I did regular bonsai decades ago until someone stold it when i went to college, but this is significantly larger and not on dwarf root stock. After that, I only kept fruit trees in ground (small orchard, hobby farm) so I have generic tree experience, but not much experience with indoor, potted trees and keeping them smaller than genetically programmed to be.

I have pruning tools, wire & limb spreaders if needed. I understand the roots will need pruning as well as the branches, but I'm not familiar with this species so I'm not assuming generic advice applies.

Questions:

1. How large of a pot should I get for it?

2. Since it's only waking up in late July, should I extend it's growing period before moving it to a family member's garage for over-wintering? If so, what month would be good to do this given how late it is "waking up" (july/august="spring" to this tree"), and how long should it stay in the unheated garage? (Current location is n.e. illinois; future: alaska or sw yukon)

3. Does it need a transitional period to prep it for overwintering? If so, how to do this best (just taper light hours, alter light colour with the LEDs, or something more?)

4. Is it better to prune before putting it in the garage, or afterwards?

5. What's most important pruning for top & roots in spring?

6. Can this tree be kept as an "oversized bonsai" (apologies if there is a proper term for this, I haven't been able to find info), and if so, if properly cared for, what would life expectancy be compared to putting it in the ground?

7. If there are any tutorials for a tree this size &/or for this species, that I could be directed to, it'd be much appreciated.

8. On the LED light, does the shade or red/blue/purple matter? Eg, I can do cyan, light blue, a darker ocean blue; red can be fire-red, pinkish-red, or magenta. I can mix the colours to get different shades of "purple")

9. I read I could plant trimmings... how would I do this, and if done, could I keep it as a much smaller bonsai or will it still be determined to grow 30ft tall or more without aggressive spring & fall pruning.

Any other info/advice/links or search-terms welcomed! Thank you!

These are from a couple years ago, but a discussion not to long ago, about hats fitting too tight and reasons, made me think to pull these out. All 3 were made on the 36 peg hoop shown. All are 4/medium acrylic yarn and u-wrap (some purling on 2, but further up, not on the brim where it mattered most).

The slouchy purple is 1 strand of yarn thick. The pointy black/turquoise is 2 strands of yarn thick. The black/brown/tan is 3 strands. The first two fit my SO (who asked for those colours/patterns), but the black/brown/tan one which I made for me, nope, too tight. I thought being acrylic it would stretch like the turquoise one did and fit (you can see the turquoise one still stretches in the individual photos where i stretch them on the hoop).

But no matter how long I tried to force the black/brown/tan 3-strand hat to stretch on different objects for longer and longer lengths of time, It wouldn't come close, any stretching was negligible. You can see it refusing to stretch in the individual photo, unlike the turquoise hat, even though, laid on top of eachother, those two don't look significantly different (while both look very much so compared to the purple hat).

It didn't occur to me how much **one** extra strand of yarn, on the same loom, in the same stitch, could cause it to become so much tighter. You can see the reason when the three are stacked on top of eachother- look how *thick* the 3-strand one is compared to my first 1 strand hat.

This goes for yarn thickness, too... if I had used 3 strands in size 2 for the black/brown/tan hat, it probably would have worked. If I used 2 strands of a size 5 or 6 for the turquoise- it probably would have failed like the black/brown/tan hat did.

Sad thing is, I liked the way the pattern turned out on the too-tight one, but I'm sick of hats for now. Maybe I'll redo it in the future, with a knit-in brim so the 'wrong side' doesn't show and less black at the top

Lesson learned the hard way.

Thought my early experiment might be helpful/illustrative to others starting out.

Other reasons for tightness (or looseness) or adjusting a project to make it looser or tighter than normal includes changing hoop size; and changing knit type from loosest to tightest: e-wrap / u-wrap / flat-stitch. I've seen these illustrated on loomknitting sites with side by side swatch comparisons, but I haven't seen yarn strands or yarn thickness shown before.

My great grandfather had a farm (Białostockie, Grodno, Hoża — osada Podczernicha) but rented it out as he worked in the city (my grandmother said he was a wójt?) I found the Lot number they owned in an online database of the settlement lots and who they were award to and their position in the military. I know she was baptised at a catholic church in Hoża but that's now in Belarus, and I've no idea if/how to get records, or if it's even necissary.

I have photos of my grandmother on the farm, and while at orphanages sent by correspondance; also photo of my great grandfather, interbellum, in military dress with his medals (they too small to for to tell what they were)

I also found the records online of the dates he was arrested by USSR, and date/destination that my greatgrandmother, grandmother & siblings were sent to the gulag.

My Grandfather (who would later marry my grandmother) was Tutejszy and had just become old enough to begin training and somehow knew my great grandfather before the war as they were arrested together. Eventually men and women all made it to Ander's camp, both men fighting in the Italian campaign while my grandmother & siblings were in orphanages (my greatgrandmother having died in Russia)

Post war, my grandparents married & lived in UK (they were among the Poles the UK housed post-war, providing ESL & trade education (the Polish Resettlement Corps)). My mother was born in UK (she's in her late 70's now). They moved to USA when she was an under 1 yr. I found the ship records for the cross Atlantic voyage online. I have my grandmother's death certificate listing Poland as place of birth. I have 2 of my grandfather's wwii medals (the others are with my uncle); I plan to get more details on his his background via Sikorski Institute in London using the number on the back of the monte casino cross (Im hoping to find out what he was awarded some of the other medals for)

My grandparents and mother didn't naturalised as American citizens until she was a teenager (late 60's I am guessing, maybe '70). Poland was of course still under USSR control.

I was born in 1976. Does any of them naturalising cut descent off for me, or is it worth pursuing?

Eta: No one ever had a government job or was in armed forces except for Ander's Army/Polish 2nd corps

Sorry I don't have dates for things. Our house was wrecked in a duracho and we sold it; everything is currently in storage unit. Are things like photos even useful- or only official documents? ETA: (I mean are photos useful in addition to documents or to help fill gaps if any records are not retrieval due to loss during the war? Or should I just ignore them?)

Eta: added what date estimates I could. But the exact info requires digging through the storage unit.