Found out of the existence of Kumis which is Fermented Horse Milk from Mongolia and is implied to be mildly alcoholic and slightly carbonated and I can't help but genuinely wonder if that existed in the series.

That and if that did existed whose Kumis would you drink from?

So the thing about me is that I started tracking down adn keeping dates on the number of times I have a mental breakdown alongside the number of times I slash my arm.

A rather wierd hobby I admit.

And the time frame between the previous ones was at least 28 days, but in between I had contemplated doing that more than once in those days but always procrastinate. It would be in the middle of the night, everyone is asleep and I would already contemplate my usual four slashes but by then I would go 'Well it's late I don't have time' and decided to do it next time.

Now that I have done that, I can't help but laugh and realize that I am so unmotivated in life that I actually procrastinate self harm.

So it has been 28 days mula noong huli ako nag self harm (slashing) and I should know kasi nirerecord ko un dates mula noong last time, pero in that time frame gusto ko mag slash.

Pero at some point ang nangyayari is tatamarin ako na mag self harm, like it's midnight and tulog na halos lahat and meanwhile here I am nakaupo lang and nagiisip nag gawin un and halos barcode na rin un arm ko.

And then I did, and I can't help na tumawa nalang kasi apparently I'm so unmotivated na pati self harm tinatamad ako

Trying to do research on something and it involves trying to study the common enemy of dragons across mythologies (like all of them)

And apart from the classic Chaoskampf (aka Dragon v Storm God) and the Dragonslayer myths I am curious if there are other legends that tell us of Dragons fighting other monsters.

Had a conversation with my Older sister about apparently there was a 4th Incident on the School Shooting counter our godforsaken country has. I wanted to ask more but then she said something that highlighted how out of touch she >!(and the godforsaken older generations don't understand)!< is on the subject.

That the newer generation is apparently "violent" due to social media.

Now konting disclaimer, I'm not a psychiatrist nor have I read up on the topic and I'm still doing some research just so can at least prove how stupid and out of touch she is. I'm pretty sure I'm not even qualified to talk since all I have are 10 years of untreated in and out depression and anxiety so this feels more like my atrocious hottake in the matter.

The "new generation getting violent due to social media" is the worst interpretation on the topic altogether.

Like I said I don't know much so far and still doing research but even I think that's the most out of touch and ignorant understanding on the topic, especially since there are multiple factors on that but overall the general consensus is that they were pushed to the brink of something extreme.

Sure social media is a factor but her understanding is the age old "media made kids violent" arguement.

There are other factors like a rough home life, bullying, maybe even failed relationships. But social media isn't the only factor as she assumed and it pisses me off, they have been pushed to that cause they were neglected and everyone around them would have pushed them further ksi sobrang dogshit ang psychological help system natin ng bansa.

My only understanding on how those in general works is ksi ilang beses na ako nanood ng mga true crime videos sa youtube and it's the same pattern pati overseas. The stigma pushed them to the brink of violence, saka di lang naman bata eh, pwede din gumanyan ang matanda and social media would still be a minor factor.

Yeah sorry I just think her take was shit and she should just shut up ksi wla naman siya alam on that and I needed to vent this out

[Trigger Warning for Self Harm and >!Suicide!<]

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Just had a conversation with my older brother, na halos once a month lang and di man lang nageeffort na mag share ng pera despite earning more than everyone combined and ofc sa pagkakapal ng muka niya sinabi:

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"Anong handa mo sa birthday mo?"

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"Wla" i said without hesitation

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"Bakit naman?"

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"Dami kong bayarin." Which true, ako bumabayad sa tubig, kuryente (last one was 5.6k), internet, netflix (na sila gumagamit) at un sim ko.

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Di na siya nag tanong. Sila ang dahilan na ayaw ko icelebrate birthday ko >!and ang dahilan cinoconsider ko mag schedule ng suicide and halos bar code na ang arm ko!< especially since wla silang kwenta. Parasite na nga sila tpos expect nila birthday ko kaya dapat ilibre ko sila sa expensive na lugar apparently.

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This year gagawa ako ng excuse na may pasok ako and ako lang magcecelebrate

So I made a Magic Academy called St. Christopher Academy (the setting is in a Space Fantasy Earth set in the future) and in the process it gained a four caste

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Students ended up being split into like four in a sort of X-axis and Y-axis which is Affinity on Magic and Family Legacy.

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North Helm

-High Affinity

-High Legacy

-Aristocrat Mage

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East Oar

-High Affinity

-Low Legacy

-Impoverished Mages

-Alternatively Mages from Normal Families who just discovered they have powerful magic affinities

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West Spyglass

-High Legacy

-Low Affinity

-Wealthy Students with little to no magic

-Alternatively, Industrialist/Tech focused students

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South Anchor

-Low Legacy

-Low Affinity

-Students who aren't rich nor do they have magic affinity

-Alternatively, students who are considered wildcards by the system itself

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How can I work on this without being a blatant Hogwarts houses clone where it becomes their collective identity?

Content Warning: Suicidal Ideations

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Honestly I'm tired, I'm turning 27 and halow wla ako naachieve sa buhay aside ng pagiging errand boy and the one who pays for everything.

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I'm sure iaask nyo is "Why don't you just leave?" The gaslighting and brainwashing me has made me mentally unable to try and do that. Mas likely pa na mag >!Self harm nalang ako keysa gawin un, and I will later after this.!< Hindi ko alam bakit di ko kaya, sabi daw madali lang un pero ewan ko.

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At this point mas pagod keysa galit. Like what's the point getting angry, what's the point of fighting back or trying to do things differently, halos lampas na naman un window para gawin un anyways.

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I failed to live a life and now locked nalang ako sa 'Servant by blood' route para sa life ko na dalawa lang outcomes naiisip ko.

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Either masisiraan na talaga ako ng bait or >!just escape via self termination.!<

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Mas obvious na itong mind set kasi mas malapit na birthday ko, my depressed ass thought it would be a good idea na gawin ko un sa birth day ko for thematic effect, even then wla din naman kasi ako plans.

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Man listening to Linkin Park's Nobody Can Save Me hits different at the moment.

Katapos lang na mag usap ako at ng friend ko since SHS, and he's right.

27 (M) na ako (well turning 27), NGSB and nasa isang dead end job as breadwinner ng family ko na hindi naman nagshoshow ng kahit isang ounce of appreciation.

And despite un words niya na nagsabi na dapag mag change ako and do something different (and he's right to think so), masyado na akong pagod para gumawa ng something different para ichange ang life ko to the point na sobrang pagod na ako.

Mas gusto ko nalang sumuko keysa mag make ng changes, too fucking tired to do anything about it

Medyo light (maybe even pathetic) ito compared sa last post ko pero feel ko i share ito.

Feel free to laugh I alam mo na petty ito.

Spoilers for Milky Subway

10/10 you should watch it btw.

Context and possible spoilers:

>!So there's two characters there that are basically Mercenaries for Hire and got arrested so they, alongside the rest of the cast got sent to do labor so they don't get in prison.!<

>!Most of the episode chill lang sila and unbothered sa main plot. But then they ended up helping one time and in exchange they got a thanks from the protagonists. And have been part of the group throughout the movie!<

>!turns out the reason na naging Mercenaries sila dahil kasi thankless un Job nila, cause a good part of their side has people wonder why they quit their normal jobs to be basically criminals. And majority early tutulong sila if bayaran sila for a high price. So getting a thanks for even the most minor task throughout the series nabibigla sila and narealize nila na masarap ma feel ng appreciation!<

And ngl relate ako, for many times gusto ko na mag resign sa Job ko sa call center since majority of the time thankless ang job ko and tinake ko lang un ksi wla pa sumasagot sa applications ko (as a result part 2 years na ako doon) worse is wla man lang thank you sa family ko since ako bumabayad sa internet, tubig, netflix, and kuryente.

To be honest willing ko intolerate ang job ko if may konting appreciation pero wla, every 15 days hihingi sila ng allowance while bayaran ko parin lahat. At some point halos wla na un enjoyment sa trabaho at pati sa pag uwi kasi alam ko na sila lang ang nandoon.

Tldr: Relate ako sa characters in a sci fi comedy cause it felt too real.

>!Repost cause I wanted to make sure I cover all of the spoilers.!<

>!5th cause I fucked up the title... So tired...!<

A follow up from the last post and I was willing to maybe consider maybe they have good intentions my family and relatives have.

So this is very recent, very recent since it ended nearly an hour ago, I got roped into a family event to celebrate the birthday of my late grandfather.

During the whole party halos wala akong energy, my social battery is zero and I had to drink 4 lucky days bago umalis para lang kagkaroon ng energy to go pero bare minimum parin un (i think this is supposed to be Chronic fatigue) na halos the whole time nandoon lang ako nag tatablet (constantly being mistaken for doing Work From Home which also something na naginis sakin) and overtime na realize ko na hate ko na pala makasama relatives ko.

Iisa lang tanong nila:

"Bakit wala ka pang girlfriend" ewan ko wla akong time

"Bakit di ka nalang mag make ng time" as if ganun ka dali un

"Madali naman un ah?" If ganun nga kadali dapat di ako ganito ngayon diba?

Borderline intrusive and insensitive na expected sa mga optimists na walang understanding sa psychology. Then again they took Psychology and didn't even use that, shows how far their ignorance is.

Tapos bigla na bring up birthday ko since it's in June and as with last time, di ako interested icelebrate lalo na at gusto ko lang mag relax.

No pinipilit ako ng mga cousins ko na mag La Union this time for like Bar hopping. I tried to reason na di ako umiinom pero pinipilit parin nila ako mag yes, it was clear na hindi sila interested sa opinion ko and gusto lang nila ng justification para ma wasted sa La Union.

Mind you we all live in Laguna so much like my previous argument sa Baguio, papagurin ko lang sarili ko.

God I hate my family and the extended family.

Edit: I forgot to mention I'm 26 turning 27Male

CW: Graphic Song Titles

Trying to make some list of songs and making a personal playlist that I'll use if I'm in that particular mood.

This one's mine what do you think and do you have some recommendations?

One More Light - Linkin Park

Heavy - Linkin Park

Leave out all the rest - Linkin Park

Iridescent - Linkin Park

The Little Things Give you Away - Linkin Park

The Messenger - Linkin Park

Therapy - All Time Low

Welcome to my Life - Simple Plan

Multo - Cup of Joe

Bad Liar - Imagine Dragons

Demons - Imagine Dragons

End of a Life -Calliope Mori

Ash Again - Gawr Gura

I'm tired - Darkness Slow

I'm just Tired - Nextnote420

To everyone who want to Die by Takayan

What's the meaning of living by Takayan

Escaped through the wrist by Takayan

Depressed because of you by Takayan

Multo (english Cover) by SIZV.

My family wants to celebrate my birthday by going on a trip to Baguio

I shot it down for at a few reasons:

I hate my birthday, like hell you'd expect me to celebrate being born into this god Forsaken life especially since they're the ones who give me the reason

It's impractical since Day 1 we'd be leaving, Day 2 is the only day and we'll likely spend it walking around, and Day 3 is going home

They're obviously trying to tire me out even more on purpose cause they only care about themselves and not about my birthday

I doing research on something and I want to know if there is actually a term for someone who is a massive Procrastinator but is also a Perfectionist.

The idea it that he suffers from Severe Anxiety and Severe Depression that his work ethic sums up as "I'm not doing anything but if I do I have to make sure it's perfect so it's worth it."

As a result he is both an Exhausted Procrastinator caused by his depression preventing him from getting things done and an Overthinking Perfectionist as he makes sure that if he is to commit it's going to be worth the energy.

Something aside from All or Nothing mindset I guess.