u/GrotiusandPufendorf

They don't understand. That's the actual response I've been told in response to my grief.

And I get that maybe they truly don't. It's not something I could've fully understood until I experienced it myself. The way it's made me question everything. Stop trusting anyone. I am always angry and sad and scared all at the same time.

She was taken. Stolen from life. We don't know who did it or why. And it hurts. It is so deeply painful in a way I don't even have words for. So yes, I get that they maybe don't feel it the way I feel it or understand it or know how to respond to it.

But even if they don't understand it fully, they can try. They can take a minute to realize that my pain is real and valid and that maybe, just maybe, I can't focus on the things they want me to pour my energy into. That those things feel pointless to me right now.

They don't understand my grief and I don't understand their lack of it.

There's been a fracture to my therapeutic relationship that I don't think can be overcome. I don't think I want it to be. I am tired of shaming myself and always shouldering the blame for everything other people do, and this time, I feel confident in doing what's right for me.

I don't think she's a bad therapist. I'm sure she's a great fit for some people. When I first started working with her, she felt great for me.

But she handed me a diagnosis that was wrong. That didn't fit. All because that's her "specialty" and so she's looking for it in everyone. She started treating me for something I didn't have and in doing so, made things worse for me. I leave sessions these days hating myself. Feeling crazy. Feeling completely misunderstood. I don't feel that way day to day, only after therapy.

Last session, I planned to talk to her about it. Instead, the session started with a wild coincidence that led to an ethical conflict with my own job where I simply can't keep seeing her. I thought I would feel sad about that. Instead I felt relieved. That's how I knew it was time to quit therapy.

Maybe not for good. But I'm taking a break. Finding myself again outside of the clinical lens.

I had a really tough therapy session today. I left feeling really awful about myself and really misunderstood. Overall, I really like my therapist, but we're unpacking a very complicated situation and she even admitted today that my situation was "uniquely complicated" and that she wasn't sure how to approach it.

I walked away at first feeling broken and unfixable, but the more I think about it, the more I think maybe she's looking at it through the wrong lens. Some of the things she said today just didn't connect. I couldn't relate to them and they didn't feel like they accurately described my experience.

But she's the therapist, so part of me feels like, who am I to question her clinical opinion?

Should I tell her I think she's off-base? If so, what's the best way to do that?