u/GrungyMorphines

Will delete in 24 hours. Responses only from ladies.

31 M born in Hindu family. Never followed any traditions and Hindu customs despite family/relatives being deeply cultural.

I've openly revolted against following many traditions throughout life with mom&dad, just because they made no scientific sense to me (I'm an engineer). I can't mention any specific custom right now, but I think you get the general idea, that I'm a highly individualistic. Also I oppose only the ones that I don't resonate with like living with joint families, touching feet of elders. etc.

If I decide to marry in future I would encourage my future wife to also not follow these unscientific customs/dastoor etc. I live life according to my own personal code/morals. Never took any unsolicited advices from elders or even religious gurus.

I understand most women in our country are raised in strict/traditional families, I wanted thoughts from you. As in what do you think of this?

[The History]

I remember giving OCEAN test after my psychologist sis recommended. I remember openness being quite high for me. Usually I'm opening to new ideas and things.

[The context]

However this guy who is my flatmate (ENTP if it matters) asks me today 'Have you tried wasabi?'. I never have or cared. Said it's a Japanese food that numbs your mouth and gives you so much adrenaline rush makes you feel like you're dying just for few minutes.

I asked why should I try this..as in for what? Says only for adrenaline rush. He's even spent good amount of money in foods like this. I said I'm good and don't need such experience because the justification was weak. He said my openness is less, and am rigid. This guy loves to just experiment.

[The Verdict]

But then I'm open to try new things selectively. Now why would anyone eat only for adrenaline?

How open are you to try things like this

Well Ive always had hard time controlling rage under specific circumstances.

I tried posting in r/psychology but they require an attachment.

It's not that I need anger management because normally I'm a very calm, silent, rational type of person, but throughout life I've dealt with rage during extreme stress. Almost sabotaging relationships with family. I've tried meditation but the other side comes up during circumstances like these for example.

1. CoWorker consistently trying to be superior to me or tries to prove me wrong though he can't.

2. Losing multiple times while playing games like chess. Makes me hate myself.

When younger things used to escalate to physical aggression. Though as I got older it came down significantly. Have gotten less confrontational. Luckily haven't done anything to make myself regret.

Is there a way to curb this?

[Cringepost geared towards other guys here]

Will delete soon.

I'm normally stoic, non-emotional man, maybe like some of you. I'm often disliked by people in general who think I'm arrogant and smug online/offline. I normally don't care about people, in fact a bit ashamed to admit I only think about my personal goals, nothing else. This naturally makes me aloof and less desirable as a partner for women. I think people get the vibe that I'm emotionally stunted and typical loner behavior.

However, when I do get in a relationship. The entire structure seems to change, I suddenly start playing the role of a giver, emotional punchbag, loverboy, making her the center of my world, in short everything I am not. this happens subconsciously. In my last relationship of 7 years, me and my ex-gf behaved like father-daughter (not in creepy way), I used to take up all the responsibilities financial, emotional, so that she doesn't have to lift a finger. I never once complained about not having my emotional needs met, cuz i didn't need it. She also never once asked me how I felt on the inside.

The woman was independent, had a job, she quit her job and wanted to raise our kids. Within just 1 year.

I understand MBTI doesn't explain everything. Just wanted to know if this is normal for men of our type to suddenly become the care-giver?

I'm met a lot of book worms in my life. Asked them why they read and the response pattern goes like this "It's fun", "I like to gain knowledge", "It's a really interesting book with 5 star rating".

Personally, I think it's a waste of time if these are the reasons. I only read books that will serve me later or immediately in life. Never liked any fictional books. When I purchase a book it better have a good ROI. Also I always research about the author before deciding to invest on the book itself.

I don't mind even reading a very difficult book, as long as I know clearly why I'm spending time on it.

I often think what my life would be if I didn't have a roadmap, a final destination. I am nothing without it. This compass of my life is the one most important variable that makes me "me". I can't really imagine myself being a fun-loving easy going guy like the rest.

I have a friend here who's also an introverted thinking guy, very intelligent, but has no compass in life. He says has no future goals, will see how his destiny unfolds and will adapt to it and it baffled me. I told him to sit down with a pen and paper and carve out his destiny first, become a vector quantity instead of a scalar mass with no direction.

Do you feel like you would be nothing without your destiny?

I refuse to accept there is such a thing called EQ. I think it's a societal construct. Basically a bunch of emotional people who had low intelligence so decided to create a model that will help them cope.

I fail to understand why emotions and intelligence are tied together. One follows the heart and other brain.

I refuse to accept any thesis by some Harvard professor or PhD student theyre all wrong.

Yes this is a search function question. However I wanna ask anyways. This is for mature ENFP ladies ideally >= 22. But really any F can answer.

Thanks!

I used to blast heavy/death metal all day long in the headphones, during college when I almost slipped to depression. One of the reasons I worship this genre is not just the loud music and violent lyrics but hidden meaning behind it, also what it means to me. Even though my goals got cloudy I never let the fire go off. I often find trash talking to myself in the mirror. Luckily never did drugs

Due to extreme stress I used to get physically aggressive, even at my roommates and used to over-orchestrate every single thing in life, career, academics etc as a coping mechanism.

How did/ or would you get out of a situation like this?

I am a mechanical engineer transitioned to IT as DevOps engineer in my country (India). If I was not in engineering/Tech domain, I could've become a Certified dog trainer.

A very fulfilling job for me, cuz I'm surprisingly good at understanding their psychology.

What about you?

[Long post warning]

The context :

I recently quit my company and serving notice period. There is a policy (I did not know) that if you're resigning you should first have a one-to-one conversation with the manager. I directly resigned. In this company there is something called Exit interview they ask question on why you decided to leave for Employee Retention purposes. The manager says to me that I didn't inform him prior to this and all, for which I apologized. Keep in mind, last month I was already called for 1 on 1 meeting with a senior who said management has complained that I don’t interact with other employees.

The Exit Interview :

What he said next made me think hard, he says something like this --

"Everyone in this company interacts with each other, makes an effort to socialize with the Team Leaders, but you are always detached. You've been working here for quite a while yet no one knows anything about you".

At the moment I got defensive and accidentally said the most arrogant shit-
"My performance has always been peak at this company achieving every target deadline. You even awarded me for this, why does my detached behavior matter?" (In a calm tone)

He says- "Please don't do this in your next company, because people will misinterpret your intentions". This cut me deep.

The verdict :

I never wanted to act mysterious, yet they misunderstood me all this while. The thing is I'm always lost in my own world. They thought I suddenly decided to quit. The fact is I had already planned my exit and a roadmap even before I had joined this company.

Many people lauded my planning and execution, but realized many had misinterpreted my behavior.

Does this resonate with anyone?

Unlike the stereotype, I can be quite hands on at fixing physical things. Like assembling a PC, I have motorcycles that I work on, changing tyres oil pump etc, and doing other physical stuff. Even though I naturally dislike getting hands dirty and don’t do it on a daily basis.

Environment could be a factor. Being the only child, I was expected to fix things in my household.

Edit:- Recently got a 3D printer, been making all these Batman, T-rex figurines, Raspberry Pi case covers just for fun