u/HLKCD-V2

Next week I am having an anterior vaginal and posterior vaginal repair + manchester operation, hysteroscopy + dilatation and curettage for uterine prolapse (Australia) and I'd really love to know what were one or two things that you absolutely recommend. So far, I have got a little hospital style over bed table, about a million maternity/maxi pads, flexible ice packs. I'm looking at things like bed rail and toilet handles to help me get up and down ok, but am I over thinking things? I just really want to put myself in the best possible position for recovery.

I've been reluctant to post as I've seen in some subreddits being absolutely shredded but since this is a legal subreddit, I'm hopeful of kindness, not a 'no, your fault you !diot' type thing, so please don't reply if you feel that way. I already think poorly of myself enough.

First up, and not to excuse myself from any blame, but I have diagnoses of ADHD, Autism, PTSD, cPTSD and Anxiety and already struggle enough in this world, but when my husband divorced me (almost 10 years ago now), I felt that the love of my life completely blindsided me and I completely broke down, and shut down. In addition to that, I was involved in two very traumatic incidents and that whole divorce period was, and still is, a blur. I asked him to do all the leg work needed if he wanted a divorce and just followed instruction from him and my lawyer in regards to signing documents, providing information when requested etc etc etc. I just could not function and because of that, I have clearly got myself into the issue I currently am faced with.

I was looking at my superannuation a few months ago and realised that it was really not going to be enough and to look at what I should do in terms of getting into a better position for retirement. I told my ex (we have kids so still have to interact. He's a decent Dad, just clearly didn't want to be married to me, so we actually maintain a good relationship) how I was worried and he said "What are you talking about? I had a rather large chunk of cash taken from my superannuation when we split - you should be fine?"

Immediately went into action mode but long story short with lots of calls and emails to my Super (PSSap) and his (PSS Defined Benefits), I finally spoke to someone who said "This is weird, there IS an Associate Account here under your married name but there is no other information. Just first and last name, no DOB, email, address etc. Can you send an email with a sealed court order, name, DOB, PSSap Membership Number, email, address and phone details so the team can look into it?"

I got an email last week advising "Apologies for the delay. Your PSS Associate account can be seen alongside your PSSap membership, your associate details are XXX." I checked and the $80k deducted from my ex's account has been eroded by fees down to $13k! I asked for statements to be sent to me as there are none in my Super Portal but was told "Our statements team has advised that a statement is unable to be generated due to not having a Reg 72 on file as this needs to be submitted to the family law team for membership to be completed.  Please submit this to family.law@contact.csc.gov.au, once submitted and membership is completed a statement can be issued."

Neither my lawyer or my ex asked me to filling out this Reg 72 - I have thought for over 10 years I never got a super split from him, and as mentioned, this period was not a time I actually have little memory of. I have actually done many 'Find My Super' and 'Find Lost Money' things over the years and nothing ever came up (no wonder) and my My.Gov account only ever showed my PSSap account. My ex just found the email he sent to his Super with the sealed Divorce Court Orders that states "Dear PSS Family Law Unit: Please find enclosed a Justice of the Peace certified copy of a set of court orders requiring a split of my superannuation to be paid to my ex-wife XXXX XXXX. For ease of identification and transferring these funds my date of birth is XX/XX/XXXX and my AGS number is XXXX. Please do not hesitate to contact me for further information." This is all that was provided. He said he never got a reply email from them regarding anything further.

I know lodging a formal complaint will not be fruitful but I just don't know how the Super Fund can create an associate account with no identifying information except my first and last name and the sealed Divorce Court Order. There really is no mechanism that is flagged, especially at tax time, that shows 'unallocated' etc?!?!

I guess, what my real question is, is there legally anything I can do? Is there any chance that I could be successful with a claim with AFCA since I was never advised of this associate account's existence and that the funds were eroded by fees without my knowledge or consent?

If you have read all the way to the bottom, thank you. I know it was lengthy.