u/Hairy-Bowl-3571

Hey guys, I don’t know if this is allowed but I really need some advice and I’m not getting much help from the platform I’m using.

So I’ve been doing SW for nearly a year now. I’m a sole contractor who’s using a platform and have always had great reviews and have never had any client dispute an invoice or disagree with it. I’ve always remained honest and conducted myself professionally. I had a client who needed to bump off a couple of days due to taking up a new hobby he wanted to pursue solo (yay, that was the goal) so I looked for another client to fill those days. I’d mostly worked with NDIS clients but decided to try out an aged care client.

He was nice enough. But he wanted the scope of my role to be quite a list of things. He wanted me to transport him to and from grocery shopping, clean his house, be his seeing eye person, be on call for the occasional night shift, social and community outings, meal prep and cooking and administration tasks. This was quite a list but I was proficient in everything so I had no worries accepting the task. I have a pretty standard agreement. There are to be booked hours that are semi predictable, 72 hour cancellation policy except in emergencies. Treat each other with dignity and respect. That’s it. No shady sneaky stuff.

I had a meet and greet on a Thursday and at the end of the meeting he felt really good about me and my capabilities so he asked me to black out Monday, tuesdays and Wednesdays on my calendar each week 9am to 1pm. Every week for the foreseeable future. He said his budget is around $65 for a SW, I said that’s great because I charge around that much depending on the tasks and scope of my role. I said fantastic, when do you want me to start. He says the coming Monday. I say great, I’ll book it in now and send the agreement over for you sign.

I black out my calendar and stop accepting anymore clients. I get a message on Saturday on the platform and it’s the client. He has a problem with my hourly rate. He says the platform is charging him a fee ontop of my hourly rate (for his use of the platform, pretty standard I thought?) and he says “I don’t want to pay that much, can you lower your hourly rate to absorb the platform fees?”. Given that he wanted 3 days booked I thought, why not, I can go down a few dollars. Not that big of a deal. Next, he says “I’ve read your cancellation policy and it says 72 hours notice”, I say “yep, pretty standard, but I make exceptions for emergencies etc”. He then asks me if I can change it to 24 hours notice.

By now, red flags are starting to pop up a little but I was polite and declined to change it because it’s the only protection I have against last minute cancellations (which I’ve been burned by in the past and lost money because of it). He says “but sometimes I wanna make a last minute doctors appointment”. I say, he’s more than welcome to do that but if he cancels he’s going to be responsible for the entire booking fee. He finally agrees.

He accepts the agreement Sunday morning. I get a notification from the platform saying all is gravy for the go ahead. He is locked in. Slots are blacked out for him and he’s 100% signed on board. By this point I’m thinking I’m starting on Monday like he wanted. He sends me a message and says can I call at 1pm? I say sure, no worries. At 1pm he rings and checks to see if I’ve lowered my hourly rate which I confirmed I did. We chat about what he wants to do for the week and the goals and plans and toward the end of the conversation he says it’s a public holiday on Monday. I quickly check the calendar and confirm it is, but reassure him I’m still available for the session he booked.

He then proceeds to tell me he doesn’t want to pay the holiday rate and wants to cancel the session. I was confused at this point and also felt a bit angry because I now couldn’t book any clients for the Monday because he switched it up last minute. I double checked if he was sure he wanted to cancel. He confirmed he did and I should come on Tuesday. I say ok and do our session on Tuesday.

Massive red flags popped up on Tuesday where he repeatedly bad mouthed other SW and the amount of driving he made me do was actually insane. This man had me drive to 4 different stores to find the “perfect loaf of bread” and then after the 5th grocery store he requested I drive 20km to a major shopping center where he proceeded to buy a box of tissues… come to find out his funding DOESNT cover kms and I used up SO much fuel just in that session alone.

He then starts making comments during the day saying he’s going to need to “switch up the booking on the day sometimes and even if he’s booked 4 hours and only uses 1 he only wants to pay for 1 hour”. After that Tuesday I go home and fill out and send my invoices. One for Monday and one for Tuesday. He messages me and he’s ropable. Asking me why I’ve charged him for Monday and how dare I. I’m taking advantage of him etc etc. No matter how many times I explained that he BOOKED that Monday and chose to cancel it in the last second AFTER he signed the contract. He rings me and starts screaming down the phone at 9pm at night. He starts saying things like “I tricked him” and he didn’t know about the cancellation policy and he thought he didn’t have to pay. I pointed out that he did indeed know about the policy because he asked me to change it and I refused (for this exact reason).

He rejected the invoice for Monday and I’ve had to raise a dispute with the platform. I’ve lost so much potential work over the last week due to this guys stuffing me around and now I’m having to get another client to replace him. What can I do? What protections are in place for private contractors? How do you guys handle rejected invoices? Should I have just rolled over and not charged for the lost/cancelled Monday?

Hey guys, this is my first time posting. I’m 34F residing in Australia and went into the foster care system when I was around 11 years old. I had been ruminating lately about my time in care and a few questions have been on my mind in regards to displacement of fosters.

I was moved around a lot as a kid and I was never really sure why. I’d start settling in to a new family, get comfortable, maybe start forming bonds and then was suddenly pulled and placed elsewhere. My mother had her rights terminated by the courts so I was a lifer in the system. It wasn’t a temporary thing.

My experience in care wasn’t all bad… there where some nice carers and stuff but as time progressed on I kept getting into worse and worse placements. The older I got I seemed to get shoved into these group homes for girls and eventually at 15 I was shoved into something called independent living where I’d essentially be living in my own place and occasionally have social workers drop by to check on me. At aged 18 I aged out of the system and got booted on the street and waved goodbye.

I wasn’t a troubled or bad kid at all. I constantly got complimented by carers and social workers saying how lovely and nice and mature I was. I was always grateful to my carers for taking me in and I always treated them with respect. I didn’t have any behavioural issues. Just standard human child issues. I didn’t drink, smoke or do drugs, I didn’t run away, I never talked back to my carers, never smashed the place up or swore or anything.

Even though I have fond memories of my carers I actually started to dig deep into my memories and realised perhaps they didn’t like me as much as I thought they did. I was always getting in trouble for little things… eg;

1. I used the wrong set of sheets and got scolded by my foster mum because they where her “special sheets” (I didn’t know this, I just grabbed them out of the linen cupboard)
2. Foster mother trashed my room whilst I was at school to stage a break and enter and stole my CD player and CDs in order to teach me a lesson because I forgot to lock my bedroom window.
3. A respite carer came to her with false allegations of extreme behaviour I apparently did and foster mother believed her and punished me for it. I begged her to believe me but she didn’t.

These are just some examples and I know you’re probably thinking “well, you must have had some behavioural issues or she wouldn’t have gotten rid of you”, but I can honestly say I wasn’t a bad kid at all.

I thought when you signed up to be a foster parent you were suppose to commit to the kid? I thought that you weren’t suppose to give up on kids for doing… regular kid stuff… I keep tracing back memories to try and find some kind of bad behaviour that would make a foster carer give up on me but I honestly can’t.

What’s everyone else’s experience with displacements? Why did they happen? I’d love to hear from other foster kids out there.

Hey my fellow step parents! I need some solid advice or perhaps a vyvanse, caramel macchiato and a weeks vacay to the Bahamas… haven’t decided which one yet haha.

Now I know a lot of people will jump in and say “just leave him sis” and I want to preface this by saying I flat out at this very second, can’t. It is not financially feasible and I still love and care about my partner deeply and want to make this work. I’ll try and be as impartial in my story as possible so as to not create bias as well, but given the fact that the last of my fucks are slowly flying out the window, it may not be entirely possible.

I met my partner about 4 years ago. He has two kids (8F and 11M) and has 50/50 custody. I have one bio son from a previous marriage (14M). So already you can see both my partner (let’s call him Z) and I are at different stages of life in the parenting department. My son is largely independent and is launching into solid teen years and “ew mum don’t kiss me goodbye at the school gate my friends are looking” 🤣

Zs kids are still well into the chicken nuggets and play dates era of life and require sooooo much more care and supervision than my kid. Z got divorced around 6 years ago from his ex wife (let’s call her B) and Z has been struggling juggling both work and being a 50/50 parent. Daycare is expensive AF and Zs kids will still require years to come of it, especially his youngest daughter.

I think we both made a mistake coming into this relationship by not talking about expectations first and what role I will have in Zs kids lives and let me tell you it’s created so much drama. I came in with my own set of responsibilities (my son, credit card debt, bills etc and a full time job) he had his (2 kids, bit of debt, unstable work situation). In my silly ass mind I just expected us to handle our own seperate shit and build a life together at the same time. It became apparent quickly after moving in together that Z was bumping into some real life logistics problems. He couldn’t find work that fit in with school care hours (tradie hours) and was stuck in a very low paying job doing something else he hated but was forced to because of his kids school. It honestly broke my heart how stuck he felt. He wanted to do better financially but because of the custody arrangements he couldn’t. I gently suggested maybe switching it up and paying a bit of CS to help his ex. He banished the idea completely. Never mind… ok, I tried…

Then for me, life suddenly went sideways. I lost my job very suddenly and found myself without work. This was during the time where our country was experiencing a fair bit of a hiring freeze and companies here just weren’t investing or expanding. I still paid my own way with temporary government assistance but the loss of weekly income hit me hard. At the same time a major job opportunity came up for Z in a new field and the pay was phenomenal. One problem though… his kids… same issue he came up against every single time. I sat down and reevaluated my life and decided I needed to pivot out of the industry I was in and made the decision that I’d get my degree and go back to full time work after my stint of unfortunate unemployment.

In that meantime, I sat Z down and offered temporary help with school runs and afterschool care if needed. I leaned on him a tiny bit during my unemployment so what kind of partner would I be if I couldn’t do the same for him for a bit ey? I heavily stipulated that it was TEMPORARY and I had plans that where going to take up a lot of my free time and he needed to have something organised for childcare by then. There was a solid communicated deadline.

Z flourished with this new job and the significant pay bump gave him a stream of confidence I’ve never seen before. Everything was working wonderfully. I opened up my own business and even started working whilst I was waiting for intake enrolments for the year to roll around. Then… I started noticing the impact of the childcare arrangements. I started losing clients because I couldn’t work any earlier than 9am. Z didn’t want to put them in before or after school care either because of the astronomical cost so I was stuck losing clients and money. This had an impact in several ways. It hit my credit score as I was late with a couple payments and also it affected my day to day and ability to provide for MY son.

The arrangement started costing me… it also grew from morning school runs too. I started getting stuck with them every weekend they were here whilst Z perused his hobbies and interests outside the home. Friday night- hang with the boys, Saturday morning- gym, Saturday day- peaceful grocery shopping by himself, Saturday night- hang out with the boys again, Sunday morning- gym. I started growing resentful of how much I got stuck with them but at the same time didn’t want to appear like an unsupportive partner.

I tried to step back and nacho with the kids on multiple occasions but it only ever ended in a fight. I had unknowingly slid into a role that I never asked for and it felt like he was going to try anything to keep me in it… Anyway, with the deadline fast approaching with me starting school and opening up my work hours and also work placements I reminded Z our arrangement was coming to an end and he needed to sort something out.

Needless to say Z has panicked hard and hasn’t arranged anything. He finally contacted his ex wife and asked for a switch up in the custody arrangement as he couldn’t take them during the week. It was impossible with his tradie work hours. Daycare opens at 6.30am and he needs to be onsite at 5.30am. His ex wife agreed to the changes but surprisingly started demanding outrageous amounts of financial compensation.

$300 a week in day care fees
Extra for food, electricity, fuel etc

Of course Z hit the roof and said that it was unsustainable and he couldn’t afford that much. I made a suggestion of going down the legal route and getting a CS assessment done to see what was a fair and just amount to give her. Let a third party handle it. That way no one gets emotional over it. He said no. He didn’t want to go down the legal road. They also don’t have any court orders or CS assessments in place 🙄

Z has also tried numerous times to rope me back into childcare. I mean, I get the reason why… I’m technically free (of charge 🤣) and I’m a trusted adult. But I cannot handle having all the childcare and logistics on my plate plus full time work and full time study. On top of that, Zs ex wife B has tried to “rope me in for favours” on her parenting time as well and tbh I’m just so fed up and over it at this point.

I didn’t sign up to become a co-parent, I signed up to be a partner! I decided to date Z inspite of him having kids, not because of them…
Then that begs the question, how much does a step parent realistically do? How much are they suppose to support their partner? Where does one draw the line? We aren’t even married either… I’m technically only just the girlfriend…

If you’ve read this far by now you’re probably shaking your head and thinking “fuck me OP you really got yourself into it did you? 🙄” and yes… yes I did…

In my defence I’ve never dated a single dad before and had no idea what the fuck I was getting myself into!!! I shall request the reddit verbal beatings and judgement be served with a side of gentleness please 👨‍⚖️

So now Z is stuck between a rock and a hard place. I’ve stepped back and said on multiple occasions he and B need to sort this one out because I won’t be helping. He either bleeds through the nose in childcare expenses or quits his high paying job and goes back to being broke but caring for his kids. Something he is adamant he doesn’t want to do.

Either way it’s shit. Z is having meltdown after melt down and doesn’t know which way is up. We may or may not break up over this… who knows… I have mapped out numerous avenues he can take with childcare including hiring a private nanny or negotiating with his boss about work hours… every suggestion I have made has been shot down. It either B takes the kids during the week and he financially bleeds for it because his ex wife is a money hungry cunt, or I sacrifice my time, freedom, finances and autonomy for two kids that aren’t my responsibility.

Z and I both do not have ANY family members to call upon where as B has a slew of supports and the higher income, plus her office job is super flexible. I am Zs only childcare option (without paying for it 🤣😅)

Edit to add: Some commenters were a bit sore about calling the ex a money hungry c*** and I should have explained, there is a reason for that. She has a long history of making very large sole decision purchases and then presenting my partner with the bill expecting him to pay. She’s demanded he pay 100% of the childcare bill, PLUS compensate her ontop of that for food, bills and fuel. I’ve already done a CS estimate and it’s come in at $150 a week given his income and hers and the care arrangements. He would not owe her $500 a week plus like she thinks she’ll be getting. This is purely a money grab (as per usual).

Evening everyone. I didn’t know where to post this so mods feel free to delete if it doesn’t belong here. I am completely lost and I have no idea where to turn to for advice.

I’m a 34 year old female in Brissy and I’ve been through a very confusing, embarrassing and frankly life changing thing I can’t get diagnosed. I’ll try and lay it out chronologically so it makes sense and list my symptoms and I’m hoping a doctor on here can help a poor sod like me because I really don’t know where to turn to and whatever is going on with me is ruining my life and my relationship. I’m sorry about the details but I’ll try my best to describe what’s happening.

#Around the age of 28 I had a very sudden complete loss of libido and ability to orgasm. I couldn’t orgasm for over three months. Almost a complete loss of sensation down there.
#Big decrease in lubrication
#Dryness
#Periods got lighter and shorter
#No spontaneous desire. No responsive desire
#ability to orgasm eventually came back but it took me over an hour to achieve and the orgasms where quite muted and dull
#muscle weakness and muscle fatigue
#Hair on my head started thinning out
#patchy growth on pubic area instead of my usual volume of hair down there
#leg hair grew back sparse and takes a long time to grow
#After 3 years some desire returned but only during ovulation day. Anything outside of that day my body does not respond to regardless of whether I want it to or not.

I want to preface by saying I didn’t have anything sudden or traumatic happen at the time. I was under a normal amount of stress from my job. No deaths in the family etc. this just happened out of the blue and hasn’t gotten better after 5 years.

I’ve been to several different GPs and have run a slew of tests. Everything has come back pristine. Iron, thyroid, kidney, liver, folate, heme studies, prolactin. All the usual suspects are clean and clear. However I asked to have my hormone panel done and testosterone came back on the low side but still within the labs “range”. I had my overall T, DHEAS, bioavailable T and they’ve all come back on the cusp of the lower end. My LH and Oestradiol and progestin came back good and within range which I suspect that still means I’m ovulating ok.

My bioavailable T is 0.1 and my overall T is 0.8
I’ve tried finding anything online for premenopausal women’s T ranges but there is so much different info and from the info I can read even labs set their own ranges too. I just need help. I don’t know who to turn to or where to go. I’ve pointed the low T out to my GP but she just shrugged and said “it’s still within range technically”. All my symptoms fit low T. Are there ANY doctors in Brisbane Southside that will take me seriously? I am suffering and unfortunately so is my partner the poor guy. I just want my old body and life back :(