u/Hairy-Finish7557

AITA for emotionally withdrawing from my roommates after ongoing cleaning issues and tension?

I’m a college student living with two roommates who were originally random roommates. Before moving in together, we all talked about liking a clean environment and everyone agreed cleanliness wouldn’t be an issue. At first things were honestly good. Everyone cleaned, contributed, and helped each other out.

But over time things slowly shifted. Shared spaces would stay messy unless I brought it up, reminded people multiple times, or eventually just cleaned it myself because I wanted to comfortably use the kitchen/living room. I started feeling like I had become the person responsible for noticing everything, reminding everyone, and maintaining the apartment. It got exhausting because I felt like if I didn’t say something, things just wouldn’t get done.

What frustrated me even more is that I *did* communicate about it throughout the year. I would bring things up, remind people, ask for help, etc. But eventually it started feeling less like “communication” and more like I was parenting other adults. I didn’t want to constantly monitor whether basic shared responsibilities were being done.

There were also other little things that added to the resentment over time. One roommate expected rides from me for a class we shared and would get visibly annoyed if I didn’t tell her my plans or drive her. Small stuff like that made me feel like people were getting very comfortable relying on me for emotional labor/logistics while also not really considering my feelings much in return.

Eventually I hit a breaking point and told them I was mentally exhausted constantly spending my free time cleaning and picking up after everyone, and that if things didn’t change I might need to move out because the situation was negatively affecting my mental health. I wasn’t trying to threaten them or manipulate them — I was genuinely overwhelmed and trying to explain how burnt out I felt after months of frustration building up.

Their response was saying the apartment had become a “hostile environment,” which honestly shocked me because I felt like I was finally expressing feelings I had been bottling up for a long time. After that conversation, the vibe in the apartment completely changed.

I stopped overextending myself. I stopped doing extra favors, stopped trying to force conversations, and mostly kept to myself because I felt uncomfortable, misunderstood, and honestly kind of ganged up on since there are two of them and one of me. At the same time, they also became really socially cold toward me. They would have conversations that suddenly stopped when I walked into shared spaces, whisper when I was in the kitchen/living room, and sometimes wouldn’t even acknowledge my boyfriend when he visited. One time one roommate literally said goodnight to the other roommate in front of me and my boyfriend while completely ignoring me, which sounds small but when you live together those things feel really obvious.

Recently they texted me saying they don’t think the living situation is working anymore, that communication has been nonexistent, and that they want to look into moving elsewhere and finding people to take over their leases. The wording made me feel like they blame me for the apartment dynamic falling apart.

The thing is, I had actually already been looking into transferring units myself because I also haven’t been happy living there for a while. I can admit that emotionally withdrawing probably contributed to the cold atmosphere, but I also feel like I withdrew because I felt blamed and emotionally shut out after expressing concerns that had been building for months.

I’m also in a difficult financial situation. I’m independent and cut off my family because of domestic violence, so I don’t really have a safety net or family I can move back in with. Breaking a lease or transferring units is expensive, especially this late in the leasing cycle, and I honestly can’t really afford it. I’m nervous that if they move out and transfer their leases to random people, I could just end up stuck in another uncomfortable roommate situation again.

Thankfully the leasing manager said they’re looking into possible options for me, but I still feel really overwhelmed and conflicted.

AITA for emotionally withdrawing instead of continuing to try and engage? Would like some advice too if anything

AITA for emotionally withdrawing from my roommates after ongoing cleaning issues and tension?

I’m a college student living with two roommates who were random roommates originally. We were never super close, but things became tense over time because of recurring cleaning/household issues.

For basically the whole year, I felt frustrated because I was constantly cleaning shared spaces and picking up after everyone. Eventually I reached a breaking point and told them that I was tired of spending my free time cleaning constantly, and that if things didn’t improve, I might need to move out because the environment was negatively affecting my mental health.

They reacted by saying the apartment had become a “hostile environment,” which honestly shocked me because I wasn’t trying to threaten them — I was trying to explain how stressed I felt living there.

After that conversation, I stopped overextending myself. I stopped doing extra favors, stopped forcing conversation, and mostly kept to myself because I felt uncomfortable and misunderstood. Meanwhile, I also started noticing more socially cold behavior from them (for example, not even acknowledging my boyfriend or saying hello/goodbye when he visited).

Recently they texted me saying they don’t think the living situation is working anymore, that communication has been nonexistent, and that they want to look into other housing options and lease takeovers. The message made me feel like they blame me for the apartment dynamic breaking down.

The thing is, I had already been considering transferring units myself because I also haven’t been happy living there. I just feel conflicted because I know I withdrew emotionally, but I also feel like I was reacting to an environment that already felt tense and exclusionary. I can admit that I don’t speak to them when I see them or even look at them, but I also can’t help but notice when the room goes quiet when they are having a conversation or the obvious whispers when I am in the kitchen or living room. I just couldn’t help but withdraw after they said I was “Threatening” to move out or making the space hostile for expressing my feelings. They say they care about our friendship but don’t bother to hear small concerns?

AITA for pulling back instead of continuing to try and engage?

AITA for emotionally withdrawing from my roommates after ongoing cleaning issues and tension?

I’m a college student living with two roommates who were random roommates originally. We were never super close, but things became tense over time because of recurring cleaning/household issues.

For basically the whole year, I felt frustrated because I was constantly cleaning shared spaces and picking up after everyone. Eventually I reached a breaking point and told them that I was tired of spending my free time cleaning constantly, and that if things didn’t improve, I might need to move out because the environment was negatively affecting my mental health.

They reacted by saying the apartment had become a “hostile environment,” which honestly shocked me because I wasn’t trying to threaten them — I was trying to explain how stressed I felt living there.

After that conversation, I stopped overextending myself. I stopped doing extra favors, stopped forcing conversation, and mostly kept to myself because I felt uncomfortable and misunderstood. Meanwhile, I also started noticing more socially cold behavior from them (for example, not even acknowledging my boyfriend or saying hello/goodbye when he visited).

Recently they texted me saying they don’t think the living situation is working anymore, that communication has been nonexistent, and that they want to look into other housing options and lease takeovers. The message made me feel like they blame me for the apartment dynamic breaking down.

The thing is, I had already been considering transferring units myself because I also haven’t been happy living there. I just feel conflicted because I know I withdrew emotionally, but I also feel like I was reacting to an environment that already felt tense and exclusionary. I can admit that I don’t speak to them when I see them or even look at them, but I also can’t help but notice when the room goes quiet when they are having a conversation or the obvious whispers when I am in the kitchen or living room. I just couldn’t help but withdraw after they said I was “Threatening” to move out or making the space hostile for expressing my feelings. They say they care about our friendship but don’t bother to hear small concerns?

AITA for pulling back instead of continuing to try and engage?