I met this guy on campus and I genuinely don’t know what the hell just happened 😭 Am I Overreacting?
Okay, I genuinely don't even know where to start with this because this whole situation is so weird to me. I really want other people's opinions because maybe I'm overreacting, but the more I think about everything that happened, the more I'm like... what the actual fuck? This is gonna be long, sorry
So I met this guy randomly on campus. I was sitting on a bench going through my phone because I was looking for an apartment since I'm moving, and he came up to me and was like, “Hey, I haven't seen you on campus before. I've always wanted to talk to you,” and asked for my Instagram.
He was polite, so I thought, okay, cool. Maybe I made a new friend on campus. He said we should hang out sometime, and that same evening I happened to be free, so we sat outside and talked for a while. It was literally the first time we'd ever spoken. After that, I left because I wanted to go play tennis.
And that's where things started getting weird for me.
This guy started texting me constantly. Telling me about his day, his problems, how stressful his job was, how the heat was killing him, how tired he was, how he had worked late and had to get a hotel, how expensive that was, etc.
I'm thinking... bro, we literally met ONCE. 😭 Why am I already receiving daily updates about your life?
He's a student who works part-time as an Amazon driver. And I know driving around in the heat can obviously be uncomfortable, but he kept complaining about it. Meanwhile, I'm working at a grocery store, standing on my feet at the register for hours, dealing with irritated customers because of the heat, and I don't even complain like that. He had AC in the car, could open the windows, and would get out to deliver packages and then go back into the car. Again, I'm not saying his job is easy, but I was internally like... why are you telling me all of this every day? 😭
I kept thinking maybe he doesn't have many friends and just needs somebody to talk to, so I decided to give him a chance. I'm generally someone who doesn't want to make people feel bad. If someone makes an effort, I try to give them a chance because you never know what somebody is going through.
Then he asked me if I wanted to go get ice cream in a nearby city on Sunday.
I was like... why would I travel to another city just for ice cream? 😭 I'm not even an ice cream person. But I didn't want to make him feel like his idea was stupid, so I just told him Sunday wouldn't work because I genuinely had a busy day. I had an occasion to attend in another place, and later that evening I was supposed to meet an old colleague/friend for coffee because we'd been wanting to catch up for a while.
So I told him Sunday wasn't possible.
He basically went, “Okay,” but then continued trying to make plans.
He told me he wanted to book a reservation at a restaurant in another city, even farther away, because maybe I couldn't have ice cream because I had a cold. I'm like... WHAT? 😭 I literally told you I don't have time Sunday. It wasn't about the ice cream. It wasn't about my cold.
Then he suggested the original city again. Then he told me to let him know whenever I was free so he could call and we'd set a time.
I was already thinking, “Does this man understand the word no?”
But at that point I wasn't really clocking the pattern yet.
Then Sunday actually came.
Earlier that day, I had met my old colleague. We had such a nice time. We ate, talked, laughed, and had a really good conversation. I had also had a glass of limoncello.
Later that evening, this guy texted asking if I was on campus. I said no and asked what was up. He said he wanted us to have some wine together. I told him I couldn't drink more because I'd already had alcohol and didn't want to drink that much in one day.
He then suggested McDonald's instead. I was like, you know what, hell yeah. I was in a very good mood because if the friend i had met and the night was quite young.
Okay, fine. I thought he wanted to eat and talk. He said he will be at my building to pick me up in about 15 minutes( we both live in the campus dorm, but differentbuildings).
I got into his car and everything seemed normal. On the way, I told him I had already eaten a lot that day and wouldn't really eat anything at McDonald's. I said I'd probably just get a drink. I thought we'd go inside, he'd eat, I'd have my drink, and we'd talk.
We get to McDonald's.
I went to order my own drink, but he was like, “I thought we were all ordering together,” i thought; whatever. so we ordered together. Mind you, it was established the we we'd get the food for him, as AGAIN, i was really full. I got a vanilla shake because that's basically the only thing I wanted. I told him AGAIN that I wasn't eating because I was full.
He ordered nuggets, fries and sauces.
I asked if we were eating inside or taking it away. I specifically said I thought we could sit inside and talk.
He nodded.
Then he took the food and started walking straight out to his car.
I'm standing there looking for a table like... 😭
We got outside and i catched up to him ( i had a delay because of a loose dog. Yeah i'm african and traumatised from dogs. No shit).
I was like, “Oh, are we eating in the car?” He said yes.
Whatever. I didn't want to create a scene, so I got into the car.
Then he tells me I should eat some of his nuggets.
I reminded him that I had literally told him several times that I wasn't eating because I was full.
He said he couldn't eat alone and that he got the food for “us.”
I'm like, “What do you mean us? I told you I wasn't eating.”
He INSISTED. ACtually I ate ONE nugget just to make the situation chill.
Then he looked at my stomach and said something along the lines of, “I don't see you looking so full.”
I was like... WHAT THE FUCK? 😭
How are you looking at my stomach to determine whether I'm full?
I didn't eat anything else.
And the funniest thing is that he had told me during the car ride that he had already cooked at home and came to McDonald's just so we could talk. So I'm sitting there wondering why he even bought a whole menu if he had already cooked and wasn't really hungry.
Anyway, we sat in the car and talked.
And this is where I realized our conversational styles are completely different.
I'm a very playful person. I joke, I use sarcasm, facial expressions, little side-eyes, exaggerations, etc. Someone says something and I might make a face and that's the joke.
This guy takes EVERYTHING literally.
I'd make an obviously sarcastic comment and he'd respond seriously like, “No, I'm serious.”
There would also be these long pauses after I answered his questions. Like he'd ask me something, I'd answer, and then he'd sit there silently for several seconds before responding. I'm just sitting there like, bro, what are you doing? 😭
He asked what kind of music I listen to. I said gospel music because at that point I was honestly not even interested in telling him much about myself.
Then he started talking about how he doesn't sing because his voice is bad, how his brother used to make fun of his singing, but that he dances.
I said I liked dancing too, but mostly alone. I explained that sometimes I do this slow, kind of striptease-style dancing, like dancing to slow music by myself because it's just something I enjoy doing alone.
And he immediately asked why I don't do it with my man.
I was like, NOPE. I didn't want to go there.
Then he asked, “Is it that you don't do men?”
I laughed because I genuinely thought he was joking.
He wasn't.
He then said that because when he mentioned doing that dance with my man, I reacted a certain way, he thought maybe I was into women.
Again, I laughed because I thought the whole thing was some stupid joke.
He was DEAD serious.
He kept insisting that maybe I'm into women, and I had to tell him, “I don't think I'm comfortable having this conversation. Can we talk about something else?”
He still kept talking about it.
At one point I literally put my hand on my head because I was so uncomfortable and wanted him to understand that I wasn't interested in the conversation.
Eventually he stopped.
Then we started talking about cooking.
I told him I haven't really been cooking recently because I've been busy with work, moving, looking for accommodation, and everything else I have going on.
He was like, “Busy doing what?”
It almost felt like he didn't believe I could actually be busy.
Then he asked what I eat if I don't cook.
I said, “Food.” 😭
That finally turned into a little bit of joking, and he told me he's a huge foodie.
Then he started talking about how when he's with me, he'll call me randomly and say, “Let's go get ice cream,” or “Let's go get food,” and that I shouldn't turn him down.
He literally said that when he offers food to somebody and they turn him down, he feels sad.
I told him straight up that I shouldn't have to compromise myself because his feelings might get hurt.
I also told him that I'm trying to reduce sugar and don't want to constantly be eating sweets. Same with alcohol.
He basically said that when he calls me to go get food, I better say yes because otherwise he'll feel bad.
I told him, “No. I cannot compromise my health because you're going to feel bad.”
Then he tried to say that's not what he meant, but... that is literally what he said.
I told him that if I say no, no means no.
Then we somehow got onto meat. And he asked if that'd better. Hell yeah give me my protein!
I said I love meat, meaning normal meat like chicken, beef, pork, etc.
He started asking about dogs and cats.
Then frogs.
He asked if I eat frogs.
I was like, “Ew, no.”
Then I asked him if HE eats frogs.
And he said, “I can neither accept nor deny the fact that I've eaten a frog.”
I thought he was joking.
I laughed and said something like, “Oh, you're exercising your right to remain silent.”
He was completely serious.
I asked again, “Wait, do you actually eat frogs?”
And he gave me the exact same answer.
Then I joked that that's what people say when they've actually done it.
And suddenly HE told ME that why do i have to c onclude that because he said. Sounding kinda pissed. And that he wasn't comfortable having this conversation and didn't want to talk about it anymore.
I'm sitting there thinking... BRO, THIS IS ABOUT FROGS. 😭😭😭. I was like for real? He repeatedly himself. I was just - noted!
I was so stunned that I just turned to my drink, looked out the window and said nothing.
Then ge broke the silence and we continued talking about random things.
At some point I said, “Shouldn't we drive home?” because nobody was really eating anymore and I'd finished my drink.
I packed up his leftover food so it wouldn't fall while he was driving.
On the way home, he was telling me about how he had to wake up early the next morning, run errands, be in another city at 10, put oil in his car, etc.
Again, venting to me like we're best friends.
I gave him some practical advice about how he could organize the errands so he wouldn't have to drive around unnecessarily. Ofcourse after empathising with him.
He basically dismissed it, so I was like, whatever, do you.
When he dropped me off, it was already around midnight.
He asked if it was okay if he texted me that night.
I told him I had work the next day and needed to sleep.
He said he'd text me anyway.
I told him if he texted me, I wouldn't reply.
He said I had to reply.
I was literally like... WHAT?
I eventually just said okay because I wanted to get out of the car.
Then he texted me later saying he had a good time. I just liked the message.
Then he started sending me updates about his gaming, telling me he was losing, asking me for movie recommendations, sending me videos, etc.
I didn't reply.
And I don't plan to.
There was also another thing that bothered me.
At one point I joked that he was making my cortisol levels skyrocket because he wouldn't change a topic I was uncomfortable with.
Instead of laughing, he started telling me how intelligent I am because I said “cortisol levels” instead of simply saying “I'm stressed.”
He repeatedly told me how much he liked the way I speak, how I speak intelligently, how he's attracted to intelligent people, and then started telling me how beautiful I am.
Once would've been fine.
But he kept repeating it.
“You're very beautiful.”
“You're very, very beautiful.”
I was like, okay, thank you, thank you, thank you 😭 because I just wanted him to stop.
And at one point while we were sitting in the front seats, he put his arm/hand over my seat, which made me even more uncomfortable.
Sometimes he'd say some diabolical shit, then later saying it's teasing. The fuck no it's not?! Saying how he trying to know me to see if we have things in common.
But I told him honestly that I don't think we have that much in common.
Our food preferences are completely different. Even stupid things like ketchup. He apparently eats pommes with ketchup, while I'd rather have it with mayonnaise. He was so shocked by my preferences and seemed genuinely disappointed whenever I rejected something he liked.
He's also a huge foodie.
I'm not trying to make my life revolve around food. I'm trying to be more mindful about what I eat and how often I have sweets/alcohol. ( I have a bad relationship with food. I tend to eat a lot when stressed- he doesn't know that, cuz again, we just met).
He's also a homebody who likes gaming.
I'm much more active. I like going out, playing volleyball, playing tennis, doing sports, exploring, being up and doing things.
When I told him that we're different in terms of activities, he basically said that he could take me to nice places to eat.
And I'm thinking... that's not what I mean. 😭
When I go out, I want to DO something. I want to play something, explore somewhere, go on an adventure, etc. Not just constantly go eat.
He also keeps talking about the future using “we.”
“We'll go here.”
“We'll eat there.”
“We'll do this.”
“We'll do that.”
I'm sitting there thinking: WHO IS WE? We literally just met.
He also asked what time I start work and what time I finish, and I was thinking, why do you need to know my entire schedule? If you text me while I'm working, I'll either reply later or tell you I'm busy. Simple.
I feel like he's trying to get to know me, but his way of doing it feels very controlling to me. He seems like he wants to be this “alpha male” type who decides what we're doing, where we're going, what we're eating, and expects the woman to just go along with it.
Maybe I'm wrong about that. Maybe he's just extremely socially awkward and doesn't realize how he's coming across.
But the biggest issue for me is that he doesn't seem to understand no.
No to ice cream > another restaurant.
No to Sunday > another plan.
No to food > “you have to eat.”
No to sweets → “you better say yes when I call you.”
No to the sexual topic → continues.
No to texting late → “I'm going to text you and you should reply.”
And then the whole “we're going to do this in the future” thing.
I tried to give him a chance because I thought maybe he was lonely and just needed someone to talk to.
But honestly?
After this whole experience, I don't want to see him again.
I don't even think he's necessarily a bad person. I just feel like our personalities are completely incompatible, and more importantly, I don't like the way he responds when I set boundaries.
Maybe I'm being dramatic. Maybe he's just socially awkward. Maybe I'm interpreting everything too negatively because I was already tired and irritated.
But I genuinely want to know what other people think because the whole night left me with such a massive ICK.
And the funniest part is that I spent the entire night trying to make the conversation fun because I didn't want things to be awkward, while internally I was literally counting down until he drove me home.