They either shapeshift into monsters, just look mad before they wake me up, grab me and whisper bullshit or immediately put me in sleep paralysis.
Should I stop telling them? last time I didn’t even tell it. I just felt the realization, we looked at each other, it got angry and then I was paralyzed in bed until I managed to wake up completely.
She is only my friend for like two months so it’s not like I can’t just ditch her but still, I lend her a book and I want it back. I’ll feel like shit if she keeps it as revenge but at least i found her address. I can go there and ask it back if she never talks to me again.
Anyway, the problem is that she keeps making me suspicious about other people, implying that they mean harm. And that has led me to resume some thinking patterns that I thought I had left behind me. Now I feel like shit and get the feeling that random people around me want to kill me. And I don’t want other people to fucking kill me and go unpunished.
I’ve told her before that I’ve gone through such phases. And I’m telling her she is making it worse. And instead of being understanding she was sarcastic. She told me she has the right to her opinion. I told her that I have the right to my opinion too and my opinion is that she is making me anxious over nothing and is pushing me to paranoia.
The thing is that now i feel these feelings against her too. I feel like she wants to harm me on purpose. Even kill me. And now I have another thing to burden my thoughts. I fucking hate her. If she tries anything I’ll defend myself. Now I’m stuck thinking of the ways she could kill me. And the ways I could fight back. This is not normal. I’m so unlucky that I managed to befriend a psycho.
I just don’t want to get old. Especially in a life that gets more and more miserable by the year instead of improving. i guess that gives me 5 years to decide what the fuck I’m gonna do. I guess I can do whatever I want. But I’ll probably do nothing and waste away until then.
Some clients are nice to me. The rest could die in a ditch and I wouldn’t care. I’m one step away from crashing out. From entitled assholes that get annoyed if you don’t treat them like princes and princesses, to people that have no patience and don’t wait for me to DO MY FUCKING JOB correctly, to others that believe I make the rules and keep blaming me for them, to others that just woke up wrong and decide to act like jerks, to others that get mad when they have to fucking pay for things that they are not entitled to , fuck them all.
I already hate people for political reasons, now I just hate them more. Coexistence with them has become unbearable.