I can’t tell if I’m being manipulated or I’m the problem
I recently realized that a family member I grew up with (same age as me) may have been emotionally manipulative for years, and I genuinely don’t know if I’m seeing things clearly or overthinking it. The pattern is usually: she says hurtful/passive aggressive/comparative things (sometimes subtle, sometimes direct), I get triggered and defensive, and then suddenly the entire focus becomes how “dramatic,” “difficult,” “sensitive,” or argumentative I am. I’ve spent years believing maybe I was equally at fault because I did react emotionally, and I’m someone who tries hard to self reflect and see both sides of situations. But recently I started noticing that I mentally prepare before seeing her, overmonitor my words around her, feel relieved when interactions end, and become unlike myself around her. What confuses me is that in almost every other relationship in my life (friends, partner, etc.), people describe me as emotionally mature, grounded, and kind. Has anyone else experienced a dynamic where you only later realized the defensiveness/reactivity may have been a response to the environment rather than proof that you were “the problem”?
Need help, I’m so angry and confused (because she is a very close family member).