Her name is abby, she’s a chihuahua and she’s fairly young, but already looks like an old woman. She is just the sweetest puppy in the whole world, i love her 🥹🥲 I want everyone to see this pretty puppy!!!! She gives you all smooches
My development of BPD wasn’t only because of my parents, but they played a huge part in it. They will refuse to admit it, despite my medical diagnosis i’ve gotten when i was 16, which proved how serious it already was. I’m an adult now.
Everytime i speak, it feels as if i’m saying something wrong. Just yesterday, i had four drinks - two which were glass - and couldn’t open the car door, so i asked my grandmother for help. Took her 2 minutes of yelling at me for her to open it, then she went on a rant about how she had to stop her call to help me, like it’s such an inconvenience. My mother has said cruel things to me, even threatening to relapse on hard drugs because of me. I could cook for them, clean, help out and ask them if they need anything, but it’ll always end up in me being shamed and yelled at.
I barely spend time in the house anymore, i’m practically glued to the outdoors to get away as much as possible. I’ve been yelled at my WHOLE LIFE. Now i can’t take it anymore. I’m extremely reactive and will scream at them if they even try to start something. Doors will slam, insults thrown at me, even almost getting hit again.
Parents being a main cause for so many people with BPD is just sad. I can’t even imagine abusing a child, let alone my own. Because of the abuse, it’s extremely hard to ever function normally. I can’t be alone with my thoughts. Why are parents so cruel to their kids? I never asked to be born, let alone to go through so much to develop such a disorder.
I’m not going to go on an extremely lengthy rant about my childhood because others don’t need to know, but it truly is living in hell itself. Think of something, i probably went through it. CPS have been called multiple times too but they don’t care. CPS is a joke, there’s so many times kids could have been saved or their BPD could’ve been prevented from heavy trauma as a kid.
Ive been obsessed with the subculture for years now, i had bought one piece a few years ago but it was bad quality. I’m finally starting to dress the way i want to now 🥹 It’ll take years to build a very good closet, but here’s what i’ve purchased to start off with! (I bought a couple more things too, but it’s more for layering!)
Any brands or piece recommendations ? Anything i should get for a beginner ? ^_-
I’m such an awful girlfriend in my relationship i can’t stand myself. Everyday i have with terrible thoughts that lead up to the night, and i get nightmares.
My -thought- process is like this, and has been for me and my boyfriends entire relationship:
Favorite movie has a woman as the main character? Now i hate her. Favorite artist is a woman? Hate her too. Talked to a woman? I wish the worst for her life. Simply existing outside? What if a woman approaches you and takes you from me? If a song has any form of moaning by a woman, i want to vomit, i don’t want you to ever listen to anything again. Your shirt has a woman on it? I’m not enough then clearly. Anything sexual point blank about a woman being seen or joked about? Will never forget.
Anything with women i want to vomit. And sometimes i do. I don’t hate women, they can be so kind to me and i’ve interacted with a lot lately at thrift stores and while taking walks. But any that are linked to my boyfriend it makes me so jealous and i can’t look at them anymore. What is wrong with me? Why am i SO exhausting? I try not to ever open my mouth about my jealousy but when i do, i feel like i come off as crazy and controlling. I make relationships a nightmare. He’s the first love of my life, i just have so much jealousy for everything. I know im tiring. I wish i never had this disorder. I wish i was loved as a child and not abused everyday of my life for 18 years. Maybe i’d be a good girlfriend for once. And it’s not just my disorders fault, i know it’s also me as a person. Being jealous is slowly killing me inside. I wish i was normal.