u/Honest-Art-99

(this is kind of depressing)

I've been smoking almost every day for 5.5 years. Quit for almost 3 months last year before caving. Every time I try to quit I end up smoking more than ever before. I've been running from feeling everything.

I'm on day 3 now and I can't stop crying. I'm so tired of fighting this. It controls my whole life. And even when I quit, it's still all I think about. The idea of life without weed feels so empty even though I know I need to stop. I think about dying every day. I think about everyone I love dying and that just makes me want to go first so I don't have to hurt any more than I already do.

I'm 26 and I'm so bitter and angry on the inside. I feel like I've ruined myself, my life.

And I'm kinda just failing at everything right now. I'm in grad school on a research/thesis based masters and I can't seem to work on it. I'm running out of time, running out of funding. I work part-time at a restaurant and I can't sleep after my shifts without weed. I have really bad issues with one of my roommates and they haven't spoken to me in a month.

I feel like I'm going insane. I feel so alone and I can't stop crying. My body is vibrating all the time I'm just so hurt and angry at the world.

I hate myself most days. It feels like I'm just constantly disappointing everyone, including myself. I'm just so tired.

I'm sorry if you got this far. I feel guilty talking to people about all this because I know they can't help, that it's on me to change. I just feel so alone.

I've been smoking weed almost every day for 5.5 years. Quit for almost 3 months last year before caving. Every time I try to quit I end up smoking more than ever before.

I was smoking 2+ grams of 30%+ thc a day. I've been running from feeling everything.

I'm on day 3 now and I can't stop crying. I'm so tired of fighting this. It controls my whole life. And even when I quit, it's still all I think about. The idea of life without weed feels so empty. I think about dying every day. I think about everyone I love dying and that just makes me want to go first so I don't have to hurt any more than I already do.

I'm 26 and I'm so bitter and angry on the inside. I feel like I've ruined myself, my life.

And everything just fucking sucks right now. I'm in grad school on a research/thesis based masters and I can't seem to work on it. I'm running out of time, running out of funding. I work part-time at a restaurant and I can't sleep after my shifts without weed. I have really bad issues with one of my roommates and they haven't spoken to me in a month.

I feel like I'm going insane. I feel so alone and I can't stop crying. My body is vibrating all the time I'm just so hurt and angry at the world.

I hate myself most days. It feels like I'm just constantly disappointing everyone, including myself. I'm just so tired.

I've been smoking almost every day for 5.5 years. Quit for almost 3 months last year before caving. Every time I try to quit I end up smoking more than ever before.

I was smoking 2+ grams of 30%+ thc a day. I've been running from feeling everything.

I'm on day 3 now and I can't stop crying. I'm so tired of fighting this. It controls my whole life. And even when I quit, it's still all I think about. The idea of life without weed feels so empty. I think about dying every day. I think about everyone I love dying and that just makes me want to go first so I don't have to hurt any more than I already do.

I'm 26 and I'm so bitter and angry on the inside. I feel like I've ruined myself, my life.

And everything just fucking sucks right now. I'm in grad school on a research/thesis based masters and I can't seem to work on it. I'm running out of time, running out of funding. I work part-time at a restaurant and I can't sleep after my shifts without weed. I have really bad issues with one of my roommates and they haven't spoken to me in a month.

I feel like I'm going insane. I feel so alone and I can't stop crying. My body is vibrating all the time I'm just so hurt and angry at the world.

I hate myself most days. It feels like I'm just constantly disappointing everyone, including myself. I'm just so tired.

Here we go again. I've tried to quit so many times. I hate myself for being in this position. I hate that I can't seem to stop.

I'm trying so hard all the time and it feels like no one sees it. I had smoked daily for 5 years when I first quit. That was last year. It stuck for almost 3 months. And then I was exactly back where I started less than a month later.

I smoke a stupid amount of weed. It's legal here and I live 1 min from a dispensary, 3 minutes from another dispensary, and 15 minutes from a 24-hour dispensary. I smoke high percentage thc and I smoke it all day long. I'm in grad school right now, picking my own schedule basically and I can't seem to do anything but get high. I work part-time in a restaurant and still can't seem to do anything but get high. I go to work high. I do everything high.

I'm so tired of being like this. I'm so tired in my bones all the time. I cancel plans just to stay home and get high. The brain fog is getting worse, I feel dumber. My lungs hurt. I'm out of shape and I spend so much money on weed too.

And yet the thought of quitting makes me wake up crying. Makes me feel like life isn't worth living. Like I've fucked it all up too bad.

I feel like my life's a bit of a mess and I can't seem to face any of it. Like everytime I try to put down the weed, all I can seem to concentrate on is how much I've fucked up. The ways I've messed up with people, the people that hate me, the many ways I've screwed up in general over the years.

I know the line, I've said the line. "Nobody's going to change your life except you."

But no one ever talks about how hard it is to change when you hate yourself and all you hear echoing around your head is that everyone else does too.

I'm struggling so hard and I just think everyone's tired of it. Tired of me. And no one seems to see how tired I am.

I don't see any of it getting better. I'm so scared and just so unbelievably tired.