u/Honest-Struggle734

I am 55 and in my second marriage for 20 years. I am baptised but left the Catholic Church in Europe in my teens. My wife is 49 and was brought up in a convent, but she was never religious and never wanted children. I have a son in his mid twenties from my first marriage.

Over the last 6 to 8 years our sex life became nonexistent. She was always low libido but we could always enjoy each other’s company and never ran out of things to talk about.

In the last 2 to 3 months my wife showed an interest in the Catholic Church. She started praying, studying the bible and spending many hours on YouTube listening to pastors. She also became more distant as she spent more time on her newly found faith.

A few weeks ago she asked me if I wanted to remarry her in church. Initially I said yes because I thought this could get us closer and more connected. But then I felt pressure as it does not align with my values. For example she brought up that when we are intimate it needs to be unprotected. This felt strange as sex was recently not a priority and it felt like she brought this up knowing that I would not want to risk having children at our age.

I thought more about her newly found faith and felt that my values do not align with hers. I do not see myself praying or fulfilling the expectations she would have in a Catholic marriage. More importantly I cannot sincerely take on Catholic marriage responsibilities like openness to life when I don’t believe in them.

She has withdrawn more. She closes the door to get dressed and spends time on YouTube about Christianity instead of with me. We are barely intimate and I need to feel wanted, not just loved. Her faith makes that impossible under her terms.

Questions:

• How do mixed faith couples navigate this?
• Did you stay or leave in a similar situation?
• Am I selfish for prioritizing my happiness?

I am 55 and in my second marriage for 20 years. I am baptised but left the Catholic Church in Europe in my teens. My wife is 49 and was brought up in a convent, but she was never religious and never wanted children. I have a son in his mid twenties from my first marriage.

Over the last 6 to 8 years our sex life became nonexistent. She was always low libido but we could always enjoy each other’s company and never ran out of things to talk about.

In the last 2 to 3 months my wife showed an interest in the Catholic Church. She started praying, studying the bible and spending many hours on YouTube listening to pastors. She also became more distant as she spent more time on her newly found faith.

A few weeks ago she asked me if I wanted to remarry her in church. Initially I said yes because I thought this could get us closer and more connected. But then I felt pressure as it does not align with my values. For example she brought up that when we are intimate it needs to be unprotected. This felt strange as sex was recently not a priority and it felt like she brought this up knowing that I would not want to risk having children at our age.

I thought more about her newly found faith and felt that my values do not align with hers. I do not see myself praying or fulfilling the expectations she would have in a Catholic marriage. More importantly I cannot sincerely take on Catholic marriage responsibilities like openness to life when I don’t believe in them.

She has withdrawn more. She closes the door to get dressed and spends time on YouTube about Christianity instead of with me. We are barely intimate and I need to feel wanted, not just loved. Her faith makes that impossible under her terms.

Questions:

• How do mixed faith couples navigate this?
• Did you stay or leave in a similar situation?
• Am I selfish for prioritizing my happiness?

I’m in my mid-50s, married 20 years. My wife wants to convert to Catholicism and has asked if I’d remarry her in church. I’m baptized Catholic but left years ago. I said I’d only do it if I didn’t have to join the Church, but I don’t see the point since we’re already civilly married. More importantly, I can’t sincerely take on Catholic marriage responsibilities (e.g., openness to life) when I don’t believe in them.

She’s withdrawn more—closing the door to get dressed, spending time on YouTube about Christianity instead of with me. We’re barely intimate, and I need to feel wanted, not just loved. Her faith makes that impossible under her terms.

Questions:
\- How do mixed-faith couples navigate this?
\- Did you stay or leave in a similar situation?
\- Am I selfish for prioritizing my happiness?

I’m in my mid-50s, married for 20 years. My wife and I have always had a strong bond, but over the past few years, we’ve drifted into what feels like a roommate situation. There’s love, but almost no intimacy—physical or emotional.

She’s recently deepened her Catholic faith, which has brought her peace but also created a wall between us. I respect her decision, but at the same time, she’s withdrawn more.

She now gets dressed or undressed behind closed doors and spends more time on YouTube learning about Christianity than with me. A few days ago, she asked if I wanted to remarry her in the Church. I’m baptized Catholic but left the Church years ago due to traumatic experiences in my teens.

Although we’re barely physically intimate, she asked if I’d remarry her in the Church. I said I’d do it only if I didn’t have to join the Church myself—but I don’t see the point, since I’ve already committed to her in our civil marriage. More importantly, I don’t think I could sincerely take on the responsibilities of a Catholic marriage (e.g., openness to life) when I don’t believe in them.

I respect her beliefs, but I can’t pretend to share them. I’ve tried to imagine a future where we find other ways to connect, but I don’t think it’s enough. I need to feel wanted—not just loved, but desired—and her faith makes that impossible under her terms.

So I’m asking:
\- For those in mixed-faith marriages, how do you navigate this kind of incompatibility?
\- For anyone who’s been in a similar situation: Did you stay? Did you leave? How did you find peace?
\- Am I being selfish for wanting to prioritize my own happiness after decades of putting myself last?

I’m not looking for judgment—just honesty. Thank you.