r/excatholic

A few weeks ago I (22F) was at a party with some people who are in band with me at my college. I know the returning members pretty well, but not the freshmen, including Z (18F). The party is pretty chill, mostly we all hang out, play some games, and chat. At one point, pretty late in the night, Z says that without Jesus she wouldn't be alive right now. I half-jokingly respond that for me it was the exact opposite. She says something about how being Catholic is really important to her, I say I was raised Catholic and have a lot of issues because of it, and then she says "well, I hope you accept Jesus into your heart someday."

At the time, I don't think I responded at all, but I haven't been able to stop thinking about the interaction. What could I have said? I need to remain friendly with her but also want to convey that that phrase does not mean the same thing to me as it does to her, and that I am not interested in discussing religion with her further. Curious to hear your thoughts!

Going to start this by saying I’m not an ex catholic at the moment, but I come in peace. I’ve recently been going through a really low period with terrible mental health and OCD and it’s led me to start questioning things for the first time in my life and through my process of questioning I’m discovering just how many saints that we put on a pedastool seem to have been struggling with severe mental health. Only discovered this because people around me kept trying to tell me my religion was perpetuating my mental health struggles and I’ve been so resistant to accept that but now I am seeing a pattern. Just a few examples:

St. Rose of Lima: was made to feel as if her beauty, which was out of her control by the way was causing people to sin, so she burned and mutilated her face to prevent people from being attracted to her. This sounds like mental illness to me and in any other context it also sounds awful. God made her beautiful just so she can prove her loyalty by burning her face off????

St. Catherine of Sienna: what do you mean she died of anorexia??? Of course I’ve never been taught this, but she claims to have visions of Jesus and then proceeds to starve herself to death because of it. Also don’t make sense to me because by today’s standards the Church would consider starving yourself to death a mortal sin, but I suppose you just have to do it for the right reason?? And of course hallucinations persisted when she didn’t nourish herself for 30 something years

St. Terese: this one hit really hard cause I’ve always loved St. Terese, but even she suffered from OCD. She admits to it but I read that near the end of her life she got the existential version of OCD where she started to even wonder if God was real and her suffering actually meant something. I relate heavily cause I’ve only gotten here because of existential OCD.

I’m sure there are others. Does anyone have any other absolutely confirmed problematic saint stories that I probably haven’t learned about?

A good friend of mine committed exactly one week ago. She was VERY Catholic and an active member of the Dominican community. She prayed a lot and attended lay seminaries on Aquinas. She was a kindergarten teacher in a well-regarded Catholic school.

Her family made her life miserable. Her psychiatrist, I’m sure, wasn’t the best option available. But I’m trying to focus now on the implications of Catholicism itself.

For a start, I assume you all know that killing oneself is a grave sin according to the Catechism. But at the same time, Catholicism teaches you that suffering is the fastest road to Heaven. If you’re experiencing depression symptoms, conservative priests/laity would likely tell you you have to “offer it up”. Or even suggest to pray more, take Communion more often, and so on.

My point is that I think this horrible mindset played a major part in her not asking for help earlier, if at all. She only started treatment about a year before her passing. And even then, she kept living with her awful family, who forced her to live with a sister of hers who’s a paranoid schizophrenic and who attacked my friend during her psychotic episodes. Repeatedly. All of this while her family had the financial resources to fucking rent her an apartment away from her sister, or institutionalize the sister in the first place. We came to know this terrible truth only after her funeral. She NEVER mentioned any of this to us.

A sane individual will obviously reject being part of all of that and flee as soon as they can. A sane mind would definitely not put up with that. But if you add the “suffering is actually GOOD” mentality on top of that, it really does blur the mind when it has to make high-stakes decisions like moving away from a toxic household.

Her mind imploding and taking the decision of ending her life was obviously terrible and misguided. But she sought to escape in the only way she could find. And that was the rational thing to do. The goal was rational. The means was not.

EDIT: forgot to mention that she also suffered lots of bullying on her teenage years, again in an “elite” Catholic school.

EDIT 2: moderate/liberal Catholics could argue that there’s a distinction between preventable and unpreventable suffering. But the whole point of imitating Christ is taking up your cross voluntarily, as he did it!

I'm in my 30s with every bit of evidence pointing to likelihood of children very low. It was unplanned but I'm excited about it. I'm ok with the judgment of having a kid with a decent guy even though it is out of wedlock and definitely no Catholic wedding on the horizon (the only real type of marriage /s).

My mother is in another state, and if I could guarantee that there is no way she would ever find out, I literally would never want to tell her. The boundary-setting is going to be brutal. There is such a negative energy around her. And maybe an infant would bring out the best in her and even help heal the mother-daughter relationship. I really don't want to deprive her of what will be her first grandchild. I don't hate her -- just think she is very emotionally immature and caught up the in cultier side of Catholicism. But the second that kid starts learning English... I don't want her to Catholic up my kid and don't look forward to those conversations. I literally would not even want her to spend one second unsupervised.

Has anyone been through similar?

Hello, I have a bit of a personal question.

Under no circumstances, because of my worldview and values, cannot return to this religion or any other with this level of institutionalism, or any other religion for that matter, since now I am very skeptic. But the thing is, I cannot deny I am spiritually starved right now. I really hate to admit it, but sometimes I miss the rituals and mysticism the mass or prayer gave me. Those fall apart the moment I really think about it, but I can’t help a part of me desires for something like that. Maybe it’s because it’s all I’ve ever known and I am seeking comfort of something that was very familiar with me, but still I wanted to ask you, do you do anything spiritual now?