u/Hopeful_Dot7132

I love my son and I can’t imagine not being his mother because motherhood has become my entire identity, but almost every day multiple times a day I find myself grieving my old life and feeling overwhelmed by this. I don’t feel good at being a mom and I constantly feel like my husband is naturally better at parenting than I am even though I’m the one doing almost all of the care.

I’m the one who has been up every few hours at night since we got home from the hospital. I exclusively pumped for 7.5 months. I do all the feeding, bathing, and daily care. But somehow my husband still seems more calm, capable, and intuitive than me. One day our son was crawling and my husband randomly told me to check a spot on the floor because there might be a nail sticking out. Sure enough there was. It genuinely upset me because why didn’t I notice that? Why didn’t I have that instinct first?

He’s also usually able to soothe our son much faster than I can. With me, sometimes he just cries and cries until we both get frustrated. I know babies can act differently with their primary caregiver, but emotionally it still makes me feel like I’m failing him.

It’s only been 9 months and I miss my old life so much. I miss sleeping in. I miss getting more than 4 hours of sleep. I miss being able to rot in bed on a rainy day and do whatever I wanted without constantly thinking about naps, bottles, meals, safety, and someone else needing me every second.

What scares me the most is that sometimes I feel emotionally numb. When he was a newborn I felt this intense constant protective feeling, and now sometimes when he falls I don’t even react right away. I still think he’s adorable and I care about him deeply, but I don’t always feel that overwhelming emotional rush anymore and it terrifies me. It makes me feel guilty and like he deserves a better mother than one who struggles this much.

I guess I just want to know if anyone else has felt this way during early motherhood, especially around this age, because I feel very alone in it.

I love my son and I can’t imagine not being his mother because motherhood has become my entire identity, but almost every day multiple times a day I find myself grieving my old life and feeling overwhelmed by this. I don’t feel good at being a mom and I constantly feel like my husband is naturally better at parenting than I am even though I’m the one doing almost all of the care.

I’m the one who has been up every few hours at night since we got home from the hospital. I exclusively pumped for 7.5 months. I do all the feeding, bathing, and daily care. But somehow my husband still seems more calm, capable, and intuitive than me. One day our son was crawling and my husband randomly told me to check a spot on the floor because there might be a nail sticking out. Sure enough there was. It genuinely upset me because why didn’t I notice that? Why didn’t I have that instinct first?

He’s also usually able to soothe our son much faster than I can. With me, sometimes he just cries and cries until we both get frustrated. I know babies can act differently with their primary caregiver, but emotionally it still makes me feel like I’m failing him.

It’s only been 9 months and I miss my old life so much. I miss sleeping in. I miss getting more than 4 hours of sleep. I miss being able to rot in bed on a rainy day and do whatever I wanted without constantly thinking about naps, bottles, meals, safety, and someone else needing me every second.

What scares me the most is that sometimes I feel emotionally numb. When he was a newborn I felt this intense constant protective feeling, and now sometimes when he falls I don’t even react right away. I still think he’s adorable and I care about him deeply, but I don’t always feel that overwhelming emotional rush anymore and it terrifies me. It makes me feel guilty and like he deserves a better mother than one who struggles this much.

I guess I just want to know if anyone else has felt this way during early motherhood, especially around this age, because I feel very alone in it.

Sent my MIL some pictures of my son and husband today and was completely not ready for her to be triggered over my son’s shirt that said “mommy’s boy”… it’s just a shirt that my sister gave him lol I ended up telling my husband I carried and birthed this kid so I’ll put him in whatever shirt I want. Also my son is 9 months old.. literally just a baby and I don’t ever plan on raising him as a mamas boy, nor do I plan on being a monster in law!

I might be wrong and confused lol but I remember seeing a story like a week ago of her saying that she got some good news at the OB and then never said what it was (unless I missed it) and then today she posted the actual vlog of the appointment and shares the details which leads to me to think maybe she already had the baby? She mentioned she had a traumatic experience with her first so idk if it were me I’d definitely not be sharing those details until I safely deliver