u/Hopeful_Priority6691

Hi friends, I’m asking this because I have found myself thinking back on this event, and I’m hoping that clarifying what happened would help me reach some peace of mind.

A while back, I was pre-gaming before hitting the clubs with one of my (now former) very close friend, whom we’re gonna call Anya. We were drinking and playing at Anya’s house, and Anya had a roommate, who was also pre-gaming with a bunch of friends, so for we all found ourselves drinking and listening to music together before going our separate ways for the evening.

One of the roommate’s friend, whom we’re gonna call Noah, introduced herself as a lesbian, and I say i’m a lesbian too. She was also particularly touchy and friendly, and was walking around the house in her bra (not that i’m shaming her for it, i was just surprise to find a stranger in her underwear at my friend’s house). She thought we would appreciate maybe?

Me and Anya leave for the clubs, but on our way there, Anya feels sick after drinking too much on an empty stomach, and says she would rather go back home and sleep it off. I obv go with her and agree to spend the night at her house to make sure she would be ok.

When we arrive back at her house, the roommate and her friends are still there pre-gaming. I go over to her to ask to the group if they could lower the music, as we are getting ready to sleep. To which Noah responds begging us to come partying with them. I explain Anya isn’t feeling well, and we’d rather call it a night. Noah, by then heavily drunk, proceeds to barge into Anya’s room and wake up her, and tries to convince her to come party with them. Anya, still half unconscious, obviously declines. To which point i try to through Noah out of the room. Noah then hugs Anya goodnight, and then comes closer to hug me too, but instead she presses her mouth and tongue against mine. I felt disgusted by it. Noah then leaves.

However, music’s still blasting from the other room, so i’m forced to go over there again, with the intention to ask to the roommate to control her guests and to lower the music. The roommate happens to be in the bathroom tho, and Noah insists i talk with her instead, and asks me why i don’t wanna kiss her. When I refuse and turn around to go back to Anya’s room, she pulls my hair and demands i speak with her. At that point, i’m fed up, i go back to my friend’s room and I lock the door behind me. I don’t say anything bc the priority was de-escalation, and taking care of my unconscious friend

The morning after I explain to Anya what happened, but she brushes it off saying it’s not that big a deal. I was slightly mad at my friend for letting this happen under her roof, and for not doing anything about it afterwards. I was even more mad at her than Noah for not sticking up for me as my close friend, against an effective stranger. But then again it’s not her fault, she was drunk and unconscious for the most part. So, I never brought it up again. I honestly don’t know what to think of this, maybe I should I have told her from the start i wasn’t interested. But i felt so gross and disgusted for a few days after that event, which my then friend kept dismissing, as Noah is a woman, and clearly didn’t mean any harm.

Am i making this a bigger deal than what it actually is?

So, I (20F) am scheduled to go around Europe, mainly for my studies, for the next few months and I'd like some advices on how to date. I'm going to Paris for a month during the summer to attend language classes. After that, I'll be in Belgium on Erasmus for a few months.

What's the best way to meet people when you're moving so fast from one country to another? What's the best way to find other lesbians in out small dating pool?

Also, I am "I attach very fast and very intensely" kind of person, so I would appreciate some tips on how to keep my expectations low if I do find someone I click with, and just enjoy the moment. Date for the pleasure of dating, meeting new people, making new experiences, without making it a huge thing once I leave. How can I date ethically without ending hurting myself or others?

So, i’m in a bit of a jam, and I would love advice on what approach to take.

A month ago I (20F) met this lovely person (21NB) on Hinge, and we started going out irl about two weeks ago. 

So far i’ve loved everything about them, and i’m so eager to learn more. We text everyday, we have great chemistry, we love to spend time together, and they are genuinely the most adorable person i’ve ever had in my life. I was doing fine before i knew them, but now I’m the happiest i’ve ever been for the longest time. This is the first significant romantic relationship I’ve ever had, and I’m so grateful I even got the chance to meet them at all.

Now the problem: they are going back to the US next week, while I’ll stay here in Italy where we met. In 4 months i’ll even move to Belgium for my studies, which means that by next year, both of our lives will be nothing like they are rn. 

We talked about what to do next: they said they are interested in keeping in touch and seeing how things go between us. However, neither of us knows how this situation will turn out, nor how to navigate it. What’s certain is that a LD relationship will be HARD. There’s gonna be a 6 hours time difference between us, and we have ours studies, we are both gonna graduate uni next year, and we will conducting completely separate lives across the world from each other. I proposed we set up a weekly movie date: once we both have settled in and have an established routine, we would designate one day a week in which we call and watch a movie together. On top of that, we would call often, update each other on the little things, send memes etc… 

However, I see how scared they are. And frankly i’m scared too. I’m scared i’m putting an unfair amount of pressure on them to make things work. They told me they don’t want to make things official between us yet, not to establish any strict commitment to each other. Meaning, we can still meet new people and go on dates, even if we keep each other in the back of your minds. I strongly suspect they didn’t say this because they actually want to meet somebody new, but because they wanted to grant ME the freedom to do so, and eventually move on from them. They said that rn they don’t want to pursue anyone else, but I should. Honestly, I don’t want to do that. And i’m not ready to let this go. However, we have no sense at all of IF or WHEN we are going to be in the same continent again, let alone see each other. 

After my time in Belgium, i’ll have to pick where to do my specialisation, and I could choose pretty much anywhere, including the States, which would actually be a place with tons of opportunities for my profession. I'm seriously considering the States, they are a few excellent options for me there. But they forbade me from even considering them in this equation, as far as my future career is concerned. And i don’t want to centre my decision based on one person, especially since i’ve known them for so little. I'm trying very hard not to make long-term plans in my head so soon. Had we dated for longer, things would be different now, but that’s not the reality. I’m also afraid of making a life-altering decision on a passing feeling. 

I honestly don’t know what to do or think. Is it realistic to envision any future with them?