u/Horror-Jump-2123

If there's any better sub for this, please redirect me there!

I'm a little over 4 months on T, it's getting on pretty well so far, and a nice thing about my voice is that now I'm able to sing along to many male singers I like, but my voice is pretty weird still.

I dropped 20hz, but on some days it gets harder to produce a lower tone, especially while singing. I have no idea why because this isn't a voice fatigue as I was experiencing it before, while my voice was lowering faster.

Anyway, aside from that, I use singing as an exercise to train me to lower my larynx, but now I have an even weirder problem: my voice is not high enough to sing along with many male singers!

Is this a temporary thing? It used to be much worse around the 2 month mark, where my higher register was completely gone. Now I've regained a bit of it through falsetto, and it's very affirming because I still sound somewhat like a dude, even a young one. But is it a good idea to train the head voice as my voice is still developing? I know your vocal chords can get damaged, but I don't see much discussion about it from trans guys, and especially trans guys who sing. The voice struggling to go down is a new development and a problem that I didn't have last month, and I really don't wanna mess up my voice.

My sister. She's one of the only people I'm out to. I haven't told anyone I'm on T yet, so she doesn't know either. She was the person who basically convinced me I could transition and dissuaded me from committing suicide because of the dysphoria I felt. She immediately started calling me a guy, her brother, using he/him on me, when only another person in the world did it (and still does).

A few days ago I went out with her. We got a drink and she started talking to me. She asked me if I intended on continuing my "journey" in university. People around me, except for my best friend, always talk about transition as this "journey", like they're scared of the actual word. Anyway, I said yes, that it was obvious, that I didn't attempt suicide for no reason.

That's when it went to shit. Basically she started this speech about how transitioning is so hard and dangerous, and that these treatments are so new, and that I won't live long because of the medical consequences of HRT and that I need to accept that, that I should rethink taking HRT at all (but that she wasn't trying to dissuade me, apparently).

I tried explaining to her that it wasn't gender dysphoria that was my concern, but sex dysphoria. She then compared my dysphoria to body dysmorphia, and as she has an ED, that doesn't mean it's right for her to change her body unhealthily, and that she only needs to accept her body (and by extension I also have to). I told her that, if it was so easy, and if I hadn't tried that already, I wouldn't be transitioning in the first place.

Then she said that I didn't seem sure about my transition and that my reasons for transitioning seemed "shallow", and that I should just learn to love my body. She said she's not "a terf by any means" but... etc, etc. She cited penis envy and Simone de Beauvoir at me, telling me really I was only jealous of men in the world and the power a male body gave. I asked her if she said similar stuff to her trans friends and she said yes.

She then said her trans masc friend told her HRT made you die much sooner, because it's unhealthy for the body. I asked her for any data to back that up, and she said "you don't just go asking people where they get their facts from."

She then said I should start exercising, because somehow (assuming I'm not on T, as said she doesn't know I am) that would give me a male figure. She doesn't mean weightlifting either, just cardio. I explained to her that's not how fat deposits work and that losing weight while on estrogen only makes you lose fat in a female pattern. She said that's not true, and that I'm the ignorant one, and that she, as someone who has worked out for years, knows more about fat depositing than me.

When I told her HRT is a very old treatment and has been used since at least the 40s, she said that it's impossible, because trans people would have been sooner lobotomized or institutionalized than let transition. I didn't have phone data at that time so I couldn't show her examples of the opposite.

Anyway, in the end, I explained to her that if I was a fat guy, as long as I was male, I'd just love my body, because I don't mind fatness. And that I honestly didn't care about people calling me she, as long as they weren't violent against me, because the dysphoria I have is towards my body and I had been called that way all my life. Somehow that made her cool off. But the damage was done on my side.

She started a rant, making it about her, about my family caring so much more about me while she was left alone to deal with her mental problems. I don't see how that's my fault, just because I'm the youngest, probably. But I think, let her vent, it doesn't really affect me since I had no direct hand in that.

After a bit I showed her Dr. Michael Dillon, since he transitioned hormonally in 1939. And told her "fuck you" to her face. It barely had any sting really, but man I was really frustrated with her.

In the evening she asked me if I had fun, and I told her that what she said to me hurt me. She said I needed thicker skin, and that the fact that something so small made my day worse was childish. She didn't get that, it was the fact that it was HER, who was supposed to have my back, spewing that bs, that soured the day.

This isn't the first time she's said similar rhetoric and thought nothing of it despite it making me feel like shit. It's like she can't comprehend that I've gotten pushback against transition all my life. The entire reason I almost killed myself was because I was extremely depressed because of my dysphoria for years, and my mother forbade me from transitioning whether medically or socially, and implied my father would beat me if I did. Everyone up until that point had tried to dissuade me from transitioning, even mental health professionals. A psychiatrist literally told me I'm just lacking oxytocin and that I should give birth, and I would feel better. I have only been gendered correctly by one mental health professional in my life, and they were trans themselves. But my sister somehow thinks us trans people go through life with all our doors wide open, and there happens to be some meanies on the way only sometimes, and otherwise get no pushback. It's exhausting.

Also, with her whole speech about how "damaging" hrt supposedly is, she's literally addicted to nicotine, drinks until she's drunk, and does drugs regularly, and has done so since she was a teen and has no intention of stopping, which combined is several times more damaging than HRT. Sigh.

(using anatomical language, so beware if it makes you dysphoric)

It's a little thing, but I recently saw this company that's gonna make a prosthetic for sex. It's one of those strapless strap on that use vaginal insertion to stabilize and has some system that translates the touches on the phallus to sensations on the clitoris, simulating the feeling of being stimulated by someone. Like, supposedly you could be jerked off or stimulated like a cis man, any pressure, and FEEL IT.

It made me so fucking jealous. I have botton dysphoria (aside from vaginismus from dysphoria, so it's straight up painful to insert anything) so I would never be able to use something like that. It seems so advanced compared to what I've seen for trans guys, I just don't get it. From what I remember it didn't say explicitly for cis women, though it's marketed to women, but would someone with bottom dysphoria like me ever be able to use it? Obviously not.

Why does no one ever make something like this for us guys? I simply wish there was one of these but with anal insertion instead, is all. I'd even be okay with using a harness as long as you could actually feel the stimulation. My bottom growth isn't even big enough to use a stroker, but this is made for people without bottom growths at all. I'm so jealous.

(Non credo sia il flair corretto ma vabbè)

FTM

Recentemente ho ottenuto la relazione della disforia, e essendo che io e psico non ne avevamo parlato non menziona nulla sulla chirurgia del cambiamento di sesso, mentre menziona la mia volontà di ottenere la top surgery perché ho parlato per tanto sulla mia disforia in quell'area.

In un ipotetico futuro, quando vado al tribunale per chiedere la rettifica e il permesso di fare la chirurgia di cambiamento di sesso (perché so già che la voglio) questo sarebbe un problema?

Perché nel caso chiedo all* psico di parlare anche di quello e di aggiungerlo, ma se non è necessario ovviamente mi va bene.