u/Horror-Sherbet-1620

I am 24f. I’ve never had sex, never worn a tampon, nothing has ever been up my vagina. Finally got my Pap smear and it was very uncomfortable. It actually hurt. The doc that did it was great. She was very kind and patient. After everything, she asked if I had some sexual trauma and I started crying. I don’t have any trauma. Idky but I am terrified of putting anything up my vagina. I’m anticipating pain. I’d love to have sex (penetrative) one day but I don’t see myself ever getting comfortable or over this fear. Idk where it stems from. My parents never talked to me about sex so unfortunately my first impression of it was through porn. So maybe that idk.

I(24f) am planning on moving out of my parents’ home in the upcoming months. For some background I am the oldest daughter from a family of immigrants. I work full time as a RN and I live with my entire family. I help to pay bills. I’ve always wanted to move out but recently I have felt like being at home has stalled any type of growth for me as a person. I really just want my own space where I don’t have to worry about others and where I can feel free to just be yk? I’ve brought it up to both of my parents. My dad was supportive when I told him but according to my mom neither of them think I can do it. Financially I’m sure I’ll be fine but it kinda sucks knowing that they have no faith in me. I help out a lot financially so they’re worried about that but no matter how much I emphasize that I will continue to help as much as I can, I’m always met with a “but it won’t be as much as you give now”. It feels so unfair to me. Plus my mom was talking about how I could wait until my two brothers both get jobs (one just graduated and the other will be starting his sophomore year of university in the fall), but once again that feels so unfair to me. I don’t want to have to postpone my dreams so that everyone else can be ok. I’ve given so much both financially and emotionally since I was a child. I’m worried that if I don’t do something for myself now then I’ll never get to do it because I’m sure some familial shit will be forced to be my responsibility.

Sorry for any typos. It’s late where I’m at.

So routine outside of washing my face and moisturizing includes using the cerave resurfacing retinol serum with the topicals faded cream 3 times a week in the PM. I also use the Paula’s choice 2% BHA 2 times a week. Now my concern is with this anua cream, will I have to stop using the cerave retinol serum or would it be ok to use one in the AM and the other in the PM?