u/Hour-Egg-801

I (34F) am looking for an outside perspective to make sure I'm not overreacting.

Last year I dated a guy (26M) for about three months. We had incredible chemistry and I fell for him pretty hard. Toward the end, though, he slowly started pulling away. He'd prioritize hanging out with his friends, became harder to read, and eventually we ended things. I was devastated because he had me believe he wanted to propose soon and have kids and then it all changed in his behavior. He later admitted he felt like things were getting too serious, panicked, and pushed me away. Since then, he'd reach out every few months saying he missed me or asking to hang out.

Nine months passed.

This spring I started seeing someone else (53M). He was incredibly affectionate and consistent, and became one of my best friends. Ultimately, I realized our long-term goals weren't aligned because I want marriage and children, so I ended that relationship.

Around the same time, my ex (26M) found out about him and texted me he'd messed up, regretted letting me go, wanted another chance, and even asked me if I wanted to plan a trip back to the place we first visited together last yet. I believed he'd done some growing, so I decided to give him another shot this week.

We spent an amazing evening together. He was incredibly affectionate holding my hand, rubbing my back, kissing me, singing to me in the car, telling me to pack a bag and stay the night. We had a really intimate night together and the next morning he suggested we'd spend the day together hiking and having a picnic.

Instead though, after breakfast, his plans gradually disappeared. We barely walked five mins into the woods and we laid in a hammock. then he suddenly decided to go float the river with his friends and he didn’t offer to wait for me to get my swim suit. I left assuming we'd reconnect later, but he didn't text me all day. Eight hours later he finally texted Text me if you get bored or want to hang out :)"

This completely changed how I saw everything.

Its not really about the text, but the realization that this felt exactly like last year. Major excitement when he first had my attention again, lots of physical affection, lots of chemistry... but very little consistency or intentional effort once he had access to me again.

if someone already lost me once and genuinely wanted another chance, shouldn’t they show more effort and communication and consistency the first week I give them access to me again??? not assume I'd just fit around their plans. So disappointed. ☹️

Am I being too harsh by deciding this one weekend showed me enough? Or is it reasonable to conclude that chemistry without consistency just isn't enough to build a relationship on?

I (34F) am looking for an outside perspective to make sure I'm not overreacting.

Last year I dated a guy (26M) for about three months. We had incredible chemistry and I fell for him pretty hard. Toward the end, though, he slowly started pulling away. He'd prioritize hanging out with his friends, became harder to read, and eventually we ended things amicably. He later admitted he felt like things were getting too serious, panicked, and pushed me away. Since then, he'd reach out every few months saying he missed me or asking to hang out.

Nine months passed.

This spring I started seeing someone else (53M). He was incredibly affectionate and consistent, and became one of my best friends. Ultimately, I realized our long-term goals weren't aligned because I want marriage and children, so I ended that relationship.

Around the same time, my ex (26M) found out about him and texted me he'd messed up, regretted letting me go, wanted another chance, and even asked me if I wanted to plan a trip back to the place we first visited together last yet. I believed he'd done some growing, so I decided to give him another shot this week.

We spent an amazing evening together. He was incredibly affectionate holding my hand, rubbing my back, kissing me, singing to me in the car, telling me to pack a bag and stay the night. We had a really intimate night together and the next morning he suggested we'd spend the day together hiking and having a picnic.

Instead though, after breakfast, his plans gradually disappeared. We barely walked five mins into the woods and we laid in a hammock. then he suddenly decided to go float the river with his friends and he didn’t offer to wait for me to get my swim suit. I left assuming we'd reconnect later, but he didn't text me all day. Eight hours later he finally texted Text me if you get bored or want to hang out :)"

This completely changed how I saw everything.

Its not really about the text, but the realization that this felt exactly like last year. Major excitement when he first had my attention again, lots of physical affection, lots of chemistry... but very little consistency or intentional effort once he had access to me again.

if someone already lost me once and genuinely wanted another chance, shouldn’t they show more effort and communication and consistency the first week I give them access to me again??? not assume I'd just fit around their plans. So disappointed. ☹️

Am I being too harsh by deciding this one weekend showed me enough? Or is it reasonable to conclude that chemistry without consistency just isn't enough to build a relationship on?

I (34F) am looking for an outside perspective to make sure I'm not overreacting.

Last year I dated a guy (26M) for about three months. We had incredible chemistry and I fell for him pretty hard. Toward the end, though, he slowly started pulling away. He'd prioritize hanging out with his friends, became harder to read, and eventually we ended things amicably. He later admitted he felt like things were getting too serious, panicked, and pushed me away. Since then, he'd reach out every few months saying he missed me or asking to hang out.

Nine months passed.

This spring I started seeing someone else (53M). He was incredibly affectionate and consistent, and became one of my best friends. Ultimately, I realized our long-term goals weren't aligned because I want marriage and children, so I ended that relationship.

Around the same time, my ex (26M) found out about him and texted me he'd messed up, regretted letting me go, wanted another chance, and even asked me if I wanted to plan a trip back to the place we first visited together last yet. I believed he'd done some growing, so I decided to give him another shot this week.

We spent an amazing evening together. He was incredibly affectionate holding my hand, rubbing my back, kissing me, singing to me in the car, telling me to pack a bag and stay the night. We had a really intimate night together and the next morning he suggested we'd spend the day together hiking and having a picnic.

Instead though, after breakfast, his plans gradually disappeared. We barely walked five mins into the woods and we laid in a hammock. then he suddenly decided to go float the river with his friends and he didn’t offer to wait for me to get my swim suit. I left assuming we'd reconnect later, but he didn't text me all day. Eight hours later he finally texted Text me if you get bored or want to hang out :)"

This completely changed how I saw everything.

Its not really about the text, but the realization that this felt exactly like last year. Major excitement when he first had my attention again, lots of physical affection, lots of chemistry... but very little consistency or intentional effort once he had access to me again.

if someone already lost me once and genuinely wanted another chance, shouldn’t they show more effort and communication and consistency the first week I give them access to me again??? not assume I'd just fit around their plans. So disappointed. ☹️

Am I being too harsh by deciding this one weekend showed me enough? Or is it reasonable to conclude that chemistry without consistency just isn't enough to build a relationship on?