It made afraid to go swimming, to dance rehearsal, or play hide and seek
We had a big family and the adults would just send us off to play. When there was a family reunion, we were staying in a hotel. My older cousins(F) made me(F) go to the pool with them to "play" in the water all afternoon. They took advantage of the fact that we were all in bathing suits :/ They told everyone else I was tired and took me back to the hotel room. I missed dinner and somehow they convinced everyone I wasn't feeling well and that they'd care for me in a room their selves that night. They babysat regularly so the adults were just glad someone was watching me.
I was so scared of them I just froze up. They told me if I snitched on them they would lie and say I approached them and like it. I was young so I was just scared, they put their hands over my mouth. We were apostolic pentacostal and being queer was seen as a huge sin. We only wore skirts, long hair. I played basketball for fun, wanted to be like Goku, wore braids for practical reasons, and had dark skin. My presentation of gender was not their version of femininity. I tried to keep my face blank, but they made fun of every sound or expression I made. Tease me about the faces, with others around, without anyone else realizing. So if I told on them, I thought I'd be made out to seem in the wrong.
It went on for so long, I used to wonder how no one knew. As an adult, I learned money was being exchanged by others for access to me. It makes me feel bitter to realize how I was trafficked by my family.