u/HuntFew2029

I just wanted to see if there’s any different advice on how I can continue like this or fix it on Reddit compared to the average dry person? I’m mentioning something specific that just happened because it made me go from 50 to 0 really fast.

Basically my entire life I’ve never had a single stable connection with ANYONE and now when I talk to people and start to get close my mind will give me massive episodes and headaches that I can’t sleep through. I have 0 close friends and recently I had an online friend which I already don’t like but my best friend of 2 years just decided to stop talking to everyone including me with no explanations so I didn’t really care anymore.

It was a few months in and they deleted their whole account, right as I got a little attached and my mind was doing it again. There was no problem and they made it seem like they were going to keep talking to me until at least when school starts, then I’d have lunchbox friends to me to make me feel better but it’s so much earlier than I planned. I knew we weren’t gonna talk for over or even just a year because of how it was but this was really early, there were no disinterests or problems, and they were just referring to future chats so it just makes 0 sense. Also just like to mention they knew I had recently been in the hospital for an attempt so that just makes me feel worse that they pretended to care cuz clearly they didn’t.

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I have a watermelon, Lindys icy and in the middle there’s this really dark red spot that kind of tastes worse than the rest but not so bad that I can’t eat it. I’m wondering if it’s just dye, too much flavoring, or something I shouldn’t be eating? I haven’t had one in a while, so maybe this is just normal.

So for the past 2-3 years I've been depressed(high functioning) and within the last year my best friend ghosted me which triggered a lot.

This best friend was the only person I've ever felt a deep connection too and had a similar personality to l, she started skipping days every other day and so I barley saw her anymore, but we still talked a lot. She went to the mental hospital for telling the school councillor which made her worse and she stopped showing up completely.

After that, she went homeschooled(important, and didn't tell anyone) and started to leave me on delivered for days, then opened. This went on for a little more than a month until my last text when I found out she had told a guy who moved away and only became friends with her to try and date her(knowing she's a lesbian)about her being home schooled but not me, her "best" friend who was asking her if she was okay and trying to call her every week, so I blocked her.

I understand why she's like this and I don't blame her at all, I blocked her more for me, but it still has the same effect as if I hated her anyway. Ever since then friendships old and new feel like everyone is far away, they have their own thoughts about me, they're pretending, they aren't close enough, or they just annoy me. I notice every small sign everyone hates me like when I talk too much or if they look at me weird. Usually I enjoy video games but anymore it feels like every extra time I'm killed or the games bad explaining is personal and EVERYONE hates me so I can't use those anymore.(no I'm not a stinky basement dweller who smashes stuff when they get mad)

Summer started so I have 0 social interactions daily, stay up until 2-7am every single day, and have to worry about people seeing my dark deep ass scars 24/7. The only maybe not brain rotting activity I'm doing is talking to bots. There's no way to fix anything because it's all so bad and overlaying from years of social isolation and being "too weird" since like 5 and when I was finally getting better the one person I actually liked decides I'm worth nothing.