"A FANTASTIC Mystery Film"

aka  O SIGNO DE ESCORPIÃO

Directed by:   Carlos Coimbra

Starring: Rodolfo Mayer, Maria Della Costa, Kate Lyra, Carlos Lyra, Sebastião Campos, Sandro Polônio, Wanda Kosmo, Paulo Hesse, Roberto Orosco, Alan Fontaine, Maria Viana, Elza Tsugawa

Review by JA Kerswell

OVERVIEW

**THE SIGN OF SCORPIO (**aka O SIGNO DE ESCORPIÃO) is a wild 1974 Giallo-influenced Brazilian psychothriller that blends astrology, satanism, and even a little sci-fi. It features a computer that prints out deadly horoscopes and a jet-setting group invited to the book launch of an eccentric professor's new tome at his remote island estate, who are bumped off one by one, according to their star signs, by a mystery killer.

PLOT SUMMARY

Professor Alex (Rodolfo Mayer) has gathered nine glamorous friends and associates to celebrate his latest and final book on astrology, including a soap star, Eduardo (Carlos Lyra), and fashion model Sátiko (Elza Tsugawa). Arriving by boat, they are shown the professor’s new supercomputer—which looks like a giant, flashing blue scarab beetle mounted on the living room wall—that supposedly calculates astrological forecasts and predicts the future. He has handpicked them because each guest has a different astrological sign, with the professor, his maid Marta (Wanda Cosmo), and his landscape gardener Samuel (Sandro Polônio) completing the twelve signs.

As the evening progresses, easy-listening music fills the humid night air, and cocktails flow freely as the guests dance and some of them begin to strip off, the promise of debauchery ahead. However, when one of the women is rebuffed by another guest, she goes for a midnight skinny-dip down by the shore, only to later, inexplicably, gatecrash the party as a corpse. The guests soon find that the only radio has been smashed and the boat linking them to the mainland disabled; they suspect there is an intruder on the island. Deciding to lock themselves in their rooms overnight, come morning they find the dead woman gruesomely posed at a piano and another guest murdered in her bed, a dagger with scales of justice attached, corresponding to her Libra star sign, sticking out of her chest. 

After investigating, they find no footprints that would suggest an intruder on the island, leading them to conclude that one of them is the killer. Soon, the supercomputer is printing out cryptic astrological notes predicting who is next for the chopping block …   

THE REVIEW

Given how popular some Italian Gialli were across Europe and even in the United States, it is not too much of a stretch to think their influence reached the shores of Brazil, too. THE SIGN OF SCORPIO is, of course, another variation of Agatha Christie’s 1939 island-set murder mystery novel AND THEN THERE WERE NONE, in both its setup and its conclusion. However, another seemingly obvious influence is Mario Bava’s trendsetting FIVE DOLLS FOR AN AUGUST MOON (1970), especially the collection and storage of the accumulating corpses (though not in a freezer, but in the professor’s taxidermy workshop). Perhaps surprisingly for a mid-70s Brazilian horror thriller, the exploitation elements are relatively mild, with occasional light female nudity and most of the death scenes occurring off-screen, with the bodies discovered later. However, fans of the Giallo will certainly get a kick out of the sheer ludicrousness of the murder methods (one victim is found impaled on a giant anchor on the beach, and another is discovered castrated). The sci-fi element is ultimately shown as something of a MacGuffin, but it seemingly tips its hat to Dario Argento’s fascination with future technology that peppered some of his earlier Gialli. The killer is mostly kept off-screen until the end, when we glimpse their beige suede gloves and brown cape. The central mystery of their identity—although somewhat derivative—is nicely handled, and the script does drop in clues along the way to a surprisingly eco-friendly conclusion.

The film also shares some of the genre's glorious eccentricities, with most of the female characters switching to a glamorous new outfit for every scene, even when the group is down to what you could count on one hand. Add to that two of the guests enjoying a romantic roll in the surf (real-life couple Lyra and American actress Kate Lyra) near the end of the movie, despite the bodies accumulating around them. The script is also almost comically single-minded in how the characters are painted, with the female photojournalist Gilda (Maria Della Costa) constantly clicking away on her camera, artist Roberto (Paulo Hesse) never without a sketchbook, and motocross star Kiko (Alan Fontaine) driving around in endless circles on his motorbike (resulting in a regrettable scene where he runs over a live crab)—all well into the murder spree.

Director Carlos Coimbra was a fan of Alfred Hitchcock and suspense films, and THE SIGN OF SCORPIO was reportedly a passion project for him. He enlisted the famous Brazilian astrologer and self-described psychic Omar Cardoso as a consultant for the film (who wrongly predicted that World War III would break out the same year the film was shot). However, it was presumably little seen outside Brazil, as it was a commercial flop on its release there (selling only 23,000 tickets). 

FINAL THOUGHTS

Still, for fans of the genre and for those curious to see what the Brazilians would do with the Giallo, THE SIGN OF SCORPIO is a whole lot of Technicolor fun, whose entertaining eccentricities come with a sting in its tail. Apparently, Cinemateca Brasileira completed a 2024 4K remaster for the exhibition ‘1974 - 50 years later’, so hopefully a decent copy will emerge soon.

More Giallo reviews on Hysteria Lives!: https://www.hysteria-lives.co.uk/Giallo-Fever.html

Obviously, not to be confused with the 1999 post-SCREAM slasher (starring a pre-fame Anna Farris), the announcement for LOVER’S LANE first appeared in Box Office Magazine in October 1980 as an upcoming production from Cannon Films. This was a busy time for the Golan-Globus trash powerhouse, which had grown confident in the burgeoning success of its exploitation and horror library and took out six full pages to advertise upcoming titles and boast of current successes. Featured titles included X-RAY (aka HOSPITAL MASSACRE), listed as starring Jill St. John (who was eventually replaced by Playboy Playmate Barbi Benton). Also NEW YEAR’S EVIL (advertised here as for U.S. national release on December 19, 1980—just in time for, yes, New Year’s). Another page boasted of the box office success of Cannon’s then newly released SCHIZOID, which was listed as grossing over $4 million in its first month of release (over $12 million in today’s money). The bottom half of that page announced a title called LOVER’S LANE, featuring a silhouetted image of a man holding a knife looming over a car with a necking couple inside. Given its company, it seems this was going to be another slasher schlockbuster title for Cannon.

But what about the time when LOVER’S LANE was in pre-production? A common misconception about the slasher boom of the late 1970s and early 1980s was that it was just that—a sustained boom. Christian Williams, writing in The Washington Post, exclaimed: “This Autumn of 1980 will be remembered in Hollywood as the season when horror movies, those unspeakable celluloid things, cracked out of their pods en masse to gorge anew on the wallets of American filmgoers.” It was a veritable slasher gold rush, fertile ground for fledgling slasher projects, but as with any boom, it’s tricky to know when it will bust.

As early as the release of TERROR TRAIN in October of that year, major studios—who measured the success of a picture against the combined box-office juggernauts of HALLOWEEN (1978) and FRIDAY THE 13TH (1980)—expressed disappointment with their returns. Even genre barometer Roger Corman canceled a horror film and said the market would be oversaturated by spring the following year. Williams exclaimed with a small amount of glee: “So it's a hello-goodbye to the biggest glut of nightmare movies in film history.”

However, it wasn’t time to write off the subgenre just yet. Filmways said that a third of the 150 scripts they received each month were still horror scripts. Avco-Embassy said the number of similar proposals was “uncountable.”

In November 1980, while The Washington Post declared the horror movie’s fortunes in decline, it admitted that LOVER’S LANE (among others) would soon join the likes of FRIDAY THE 13TH and PROM NIGHT (also 1980) in “throbbing like abscessed teeth in the gaping maws of the nation's multiplex theaters.” Curiously, perhaps hinting at production troubles, even as late as March 1981, LOVER’S LANE was still being announced (around the time it was originally due for release). The, ahem, ever-reliable World Weekly News stated: “Las Vegas heartthrob Wayne Newton wants to be a movie superstar. The entertainer has signed on to play a nutty murderer in ‘Lover’s Lane’” (although the same issue detailed how Faye Dunaway was supposedly being haunted by the vengeful ghost of Joan Crawford on the set of MOMMIE DEAREST. Perhaps she had seen the rushes!).

While the LOVER’S LANE ads in both Variety and Box Office Magazine tantalize with the possibility of a bona fide lost slasher, it is worth considering their nature and purpose. They were trade ads, not intended for the public, and mixed bragging, bravado, and investor shopping. Indeed, stars and directors often changed from those listed in these ads—and, in many cases, the films never made it in front of the camera at all for lack of backing, a shift in a genre’s popularity, or some other reason.

Or, if they did, as in the case of THE SPACE VAMPIRES (slated here for a Christmas 1981 release), it was eventually made by Cannon as LIFEFORCE by Tobe Hooper and released in 1985. The advertising feature lists at least one other potential horror film that wasn’t made, called HARVEST OF FEAR. However, for months Box Office Magazine repeatedly listed LOVER’S LANE as coming soon for a spring 1981 release. Then a double-page ad in Variety announced its world premiere at Cannes that May. Given Cannon was boasting of the financial success of SCHIZOID, why would LOVER’S LANE not end up being produced?

Despite murmurs that the teen slasher boom was almost over shortly after it started, independent producers still scrambled to make them in the hope that some of that blood-splattered gold would rub off. After all, they were relatively cheap to make, and profit was still likely even without major studio pickups. However, that led to another problem: a glut of independent productions and limited space in theaters. This meant many slashers sat on the shelf, some for years. But could LOVER’S LANE have been made but never released? Was LOVER’S LANE a real lost slasher?

The truth is that reels of Cannon’s LOVER’S LANE celluloid are not lying in some long-forgotten, dusty corner, waiting to be discovered. Sadly, the cameras never rolled. The film fell through after NBC ran a 1980 story linking Newton to organized crime, spooking investors. This came to light when Newton sued the network in 1986 for defamation. The article confirmed that Newton had hoped to portray a psychotic killer in the film.

Billy Fine—a Hollywood film distributor who released films such as I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE (1978) and PENITENTIARY II (1982) and served as executive producer on NEW YEAR’S EVIL—testified in the case that he couldn’t take the chance after the NBC broadcast, saying: “We had a very conservative group of investors, and image-wise we didn't want any problems or hassles; they wanted a clean deal.” Presumably, the idea of Wayne Newton donning a fedora and carving up teens met with their approval, while the whiff of alleged criminal activity frightened them off. Newton won the case and was awarded $19.2 million in damages (though that figure was later overturned on appeal).

In 1986, Fine said he now had his own money and would love to make the film with Newton. But by then, the slasher bandwagon had long since left town, and LOVER’S LANE was safe from knife-wielding maniacs for a few years, yet ...

More Lost Slashers at Hysteria Lives!: https://www.hysteria-lives.co.uk

A Swedish Serial Killer

*** 1/2    

Directed by: Jonas Cornell

Starring: Tomas Laustiola, Agneta Ekmanner, Per Myrberg, Heinz Hopf, Leif Sundberg, Stig Ossian Ericson, Wallis Grahn, Björn Gedda, Lars Hansson, Thomas Hanzon 

OVERVIEW

A slow-moving yet creepy and engaging made-for-TV Swedish police procedural whodunit with slasher overtones that gained an almost mythical reputation in its home country after its 1988 debut. During a full moon, someone wearing an African ceremonial mask hacks campers to death with a machete while filming the murders. Police lead a desperate hunt to unmask the killer before he or she can strike again. 

PLOT SUMMARY

John Vinge (Tomas Laustiola) is a detective given a one-month ultimatum to catch the murderer after a family is found butchered at a campsite (we learn that another four victims have previously fallen to a maniac who leaves only the fathers’ corpses posed at the crime scene). Vinge is the son of the previous police commissioner (Áke Lindman), who is rotting away in a hospital inside an oxygen tent and seems to have nothing but contempt for his son, seeing him as a failure. The detective attempts to enlist the services of psychology professor Erland Salander (Per Myrberg) to profile the killer, but Salander is reluctant to get involved after being gravely injured in a case some years before—but eventually comes on board the investigation.

When an African face mask is found buried in mud near the latest crime scene, Vinge seeks information from an expert at a local museum, Rebecka Nordenskiöld (Agneta Ekmanner), who is building an exhibit that recreates a ceremonial African sacrifice hut. Meanwhile, a technician at a film processing lab calls the police after being shocked to discover a Super 8 film the killer took of themselves committing the murders. The police’s hopes that the murderer will come for the developed film are dashed when it remains uncollected. During their investigation, the authorities think they have found their man when they place an elderly forest manager (John Harryson) at both crime scenes. However, when another family is found butchered at a campsite on the next full moon, they realise that the killer is still on the loose … 

REVIEW

THE MOON GOD has a deliberately paced, emotionally muted, almost dreamlike feel common in much of classic Swedish cinema. Unusually, all of the film’s main characters are middle-aged or older, which suits its themes of lingering trauma from the sins of the fathers. What this made-for-TV film perhaps lacks in thrills, it makes up for in atmosphere and a genuinely intriguing mystery. Arguably, the payoff might be a little too esoteric (although it wouldn’t be out of place in a Giallo directed by Pupi Avati), even suggesting a potentially supernatural angle. The questions the film asks are enigmatic, but the answers tend to be quite obtuse—which could frustrate some. However, the killer—who wears a creepy African ceremonial mask, robes, and carries a machete—is unmasked in classic whodunnit style after a brief but exciting rooftop chase. The film’s slasher-movie elements are fleeting but still very effective, with the murder scenes shown through green night-vision footage, which adds a disturbing snuff-film angle. The fact that the masked maniac slowly walks toward the camera, staring at the lens, is the kind of thing viewers are used to in these post-found-footage days, but was probably very unsettling in 1988.  

The film is notable for its reputation among Swedish viewers who saw its September 1988 TV debut (it aired only twice on SVT), especially since censorship had largely blunted the impact of violent media up to that point. This led to an almost mythical reputation as a terrifying watch, a reputation that only grew because it was virtually impossible to see, as it wasn’t released to video or shown again on TV. Eventually, its reputation as a ‘lost classic’ gained enough momentum and interest that it was remastered and released on DVD in 2010, to largely a collective shrug, as it mostly didn’t quite live up to the hype. 

FINAL THOUGHTS

However, with that in mind, it still has its moments and remains a relatively unique mix of North American slasher movie, Giallo, and existential Swedish introspection. 

For images from the film and a link to the murder scenes, visit the original review: https://www.hysteria-lives.co.uk/The-Moon-God-1988-review.html

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Pre-dating THE INITIATION (1983), CHOPPING MALL (1986) and PHANTOM OF THE MALL: ERIC’S REVENGE (1989) was THE MALL. Announced with some ballyhoo at Cannes in 1981, this Hemdale-produced slasher was promoted as being very much cut from the same cloth as FRIDAY THE 13TH (1980). Its promotional artwork showed a knife poking out of a jagged hole in a shopping bag (the tagline being “shopping at the mall is murder”).

Scant plot details reported by Starburst Magazine suggested that the story concerned a group of teenagers partying at a mall after everyone else has gone home at night. They are subsequently picked off one by one by a deranged killer who has made the mall his home and has recently escaped from an asylum after killing his parents when he was a child. At the time, director George Cosmatos enthusiastically described why he thought this concept would hit a nerve with global audiences: “The mall background is so similar worldwide that I expect moviegoers from Bangkok to Kyoto to Helsinki to Naples to be equally familiar with such complexes and thus to experience the same kind of shocks and terror from the action drama they will be watching. The setting will be like another actor in the picture.”

Cosmatos, who went on to direct RAMBO: FIRST BLOOD PART II in 1985, boasted such set pieces as a murder in the lingerie department and another where a teen is decapitated in a bowling alley. He also promised innovative camera tricks to “… get in on my characters' atmosphere, and thus create further frightening visual experience.”

Hemdale - who would hit pay-dirt a few years later with THE TERMINATOR (1984) - had distributed the New Zealand-lensed semi-slasher STRANGE BEHAVIOUR (aka DEAD KIDS) that year. However, neither this nor their other quasi-slasher project THE GRADUATION PARTY (Paul Lynch’s mooted follow-up to the previous year’s PROM NIGHT (1980), which had Maniac’s Joe Spinell hunting marooned teenagers on a deserted island) came to light - presumably after failing to secure full funding at the festival. However, Starburst Magazine did state that THE MALL was “currently before cameras” (although, seemingly contradictorily, it also stated that the role of the killer had not yet been cast). If any footage was shot (principal photography was due to commence on June 15th - a month after Cannes), it’s sadly never seen the light of day.

More LOST SLASHERS on Hysteria Lives!: https://www.hysteria-lives.co.uk/Lost-Slashers.html

SOMETHING TERRIBLE AWAITS UNDERNEATH ...

**    / Directed by:    Sean Stanek / Corbin Timbrook

Starring: Mario Lopez, Gary Busey, Bo Hopkins, Rance Howard, Tracy Scoggins, Justine Priestley, Daisy McCrackin, Bentley Mitchum, Jason Oliver Lipsett, Francesca Orsi, David Naughton  

Choice dialogue: "​When she farts, it’s going to smell like Southern fried chicken."

OVERVIEW

An abysmal post-SCREAM, scatologically obsessed slasher. I'd prefer a crack to the head, rendering me unconscious, to sitting through it ever again. A group of friends stumbles across a murder cabin deep in the woods during a hike, but don’t have the good grace to die quickly enough. Awful in nearly every regard. Only a truly bizarre cameo by Gary Busey—where he talks about chicken-scented farts and rushes off camera due to a sudden bout of diarrhea—lifts it briefly above the tedious.

PLOT SUMMARY

The film opens with a prologue showing a woman (TV regular Tracy Scoggins) burying her husband outside their Amish-style log cabin and telling her young son, Jeremiah (Kyle Patrick Feuer), that life will now be hard for the pair—which quickly proves to be something of an understatement. Cue two hillbillies with rotten teeth who show up, slit her throat, and bash the young boy over the head, leaving him for dead. 33 years later, Jeremiah (Roger Hewlett) has grown into a hermit who lives in the cabin's basement, spies on unwelcome visitors through a crack in the floor, and kills anyone who stumbles across his lair. In other words, not an Airbnb super host.

Local Sheriff (Bo Hopkins) usually only deals with small problems, such as the police station’s elderly handyman clogging the toilet with his giant turds. However, reports of missing people have been increasing, and when someone spots a vehicle at the bottom of the local reservoir, he is shocked to learn that dozens of vehicles are submerged there. Meanwhile, a group of old high school friends is planning their annual reunion trip, organised by Lehman (Mario Lopez). He, along with his new girlfriend Heidi (Daisy McCrackin later seen in HALLOWEEN: RESURRECTION (2002)), the stoner couple Billy (Jason Oliver Lipsett) and Sunny (Francesca Orsi), and Johnny (Bentley Mitchum) and his secretly pregnant girlfriend Kate (Justine Priestley), make the mistake of heading straight into murder county.

After a run-in at a hillbilly gas station (more of which later), the group heads into the woods for a hike, but after one of them twists an ankle, they make the ill-advised decision to camp for the night in Jeremiah’s cabin … 

REVIEW

It is clearly intended as something of a love letter to ‘80s slashers (backwoods slaughter, the stoner couple, and even a butterball sheriff (with Hopkins near unrecognizable compared to his previous slasher-lawmaker turn in SWEET 16 (1982), some twenty years before this)). However, the film misfires on pretty much every level. Intended humor falls flat, and the film doesn’t even have the good grace to provide many unintended laughs. Attempts at suspense are even worse, with a killer who looks like a portly Emo Philips in an ill-fitting suit, bumbling around with all the menace of Barney Bear. Inexplicably, at the two-thirds mark, when things should be ramping up, the film decides it is the right time to get the group to talk, and talk, and then talk some more. Lopez looks smug throughout (who knows why) and delivers a monologue about a frostbite victim performing cunnilingus (“At least when he’s 69ing a chick his nose won’t get stuck her pooper”). The rest of the cast look like they were there under duress, giving performances that run the gamut from noncommittal to vacant. One of them even utters, at one point, “I’ve had enough of this shit!”—and I related. Hard.

The film briefly roars to life for five minutes (which is how long Gary Busey’s gonzo cameo lasts, even though he’s usually top-billed, as the aptly named Tyler Trout). Billy and Sunny find dead chickens behind the gas station and are surprised to see Busey holding an axe, who tells them that a dog ran amok and he’s cleaning up the mess. He asks them if they would like to ring one of the chickens’ necks, inexplicably enthusing, “You can smell the rabies leave their body.” When Sunny gets nauseated at the sight, Busey proffers a severed chicken wing and tells her to use it as a suppository—telling Billy that the added benefit will be that her farts will smell like Southern fried chicken! He then says to Billy with heartfelt sincerity, “Hold that thought in your heart.” Understandably, the couple scarper out of there at the earliest opportunity. Tyler watches the group drive off before telling the gas station owner (played by director Ron Howard and Clint Howard’s Dad Rance) that he is thinking of moving to Brazil, before excusing himself because he has a sudden case of the shits. It’s the kind of scene that comes so far out of left field that you can’t help but think you’ve been spiked with some kind of fast-acting hallucinogen. How much of it was in the script, or how much was Busey ad-libbing, is open to debate, but it is certainly a WTF moment that briefly elevates the film into mind-bendingly bizarre territory. Nothing more is seen of Busey. His character presumably headed to South America or spent the rest of the movie on the toilet.

A CRACK IN THE FLOOR features another celebrity cameo, with David Naughton (of AN AMERICAN IN LONDON (1981) fame) briefly appearing as an emergency responder who kills people in search of an organ donor for his girlfriend, in a visualisation of a campfire-type tale told by one of the group in the cabin during one of their epic chats. The film was shot in the spring of 2000, with Hopkins pulling out of a play in South Carolina in March that year on the promise of working with Busey (the pair aren’t on-screen together, and he’s killed off pretty early on). Justine Priestley (sister of BEVERLY HILLS 90210 star Jason) told Femme Fatales Magazine, “I’m the last one to die,” describing the plot, “There are these stupid idiots, and they all go into the woods, and the bad evil guy kills them off one by one."

FINAL THOUGHTS 

A total misfire by the otherwise talented pairing of Corbin Timbrook and Sean Stanek. Although shot on 35mm, it understandably bypassed theaters by a wide margin and was eventually released to video in the United States in April 2001. 

Hysteria Lives! (689 slasher movie reviews): https://www.hysteria-lives.co.uk

TERROR TRAIN (1980) was a major studio, 20th Century Fox’s, attempt to get a slice of the slasher movie pie with their pickup of this independently produced Canadian film. Notably, it was Jamie Lee Curtis’ fourth fright flick in quick succession after HALLOWEEN (1978), PROM NIGHT and THE FOG (both also 1980). Perhaps surprisingly, after the critics mauled Sean S. Cunningham’s FRIDAY THE 13TH the same year, they were relatively less vicious about TERROR TRAIN. The film attracted some good notices mixed in with the perhaps expected (but still quite shocking, looked through today’s lens) poison pen maulings. Here are attributed quotes from newspaper reviews of the film from its year of release …

“Yep, pretty scary. I wouldn't want to be Jamie Lee Curtis in this film for anything. No siree, they'll never catch me getting chased through a train by a man with an axe wearing a Groucho Marx mask who wants revenge for a little stunt they pulled on him in college where they found him having sex with a corpse. It's not my style, you know, but if this sort of life looks interesting to you, you might check Terror Train out.” Michael Dare, LA Weekly

“Jamie Lee Curtis can't seem to do anything without murder and mayhem lurking in the shadows. ... As a babysitter in "Halloween." she's stalked by a knife-wielding killer; as a hitchhiker in "The Fog. ' she's pursued by cutlass-carrying ghost pirates: as a high school girl in "Prom Night," she's chased by an axe-swinging madman; and as a college coed in"'Terror Train." her newest gore galore epic she's hunted by a sword-stabbing deviate. Talk about living in fear.” Lou Gaul, Daily Intelligencer

“STYLISH, SCARY FUN ON 'TERROR TRAIN’ … a real jolter of a horror film.” Kevin Thomas, The Los Angeles Times

“"Terror Train" is the latest example of new-style soft-core porno: Lots of little girls, lots of skin, lots of tease and suggested decadence, lots of blood. I seriously doubt if something like this would appeal to even the most depraved 12-year-old, as the studios contend. And I saw no 12year-olds at Friday's first show at the Duchess. Only young men. … Beneath all the skin and blood, the movie is just a fancy, teenybopper version of "Murder on the Orient Express," but with the atmosphere of "Saturday Night Fever.”” Joe Baltake, Philadelphia Daily News

“It's no wonder passenger trains lost their popularity, what with poor service, bumpy roadbeds, psychopathic killers roaming the cars slaughtering people ... well, maybe not on Amtrak, but you get the picture. That's the basis for "Terror Train," a suspenseful, fairly gory, and satisfyingly scary movie that's the best entry yet in this year's chop-and-slash sweepstakes.” Mike Deupree, Cedar Rapids Gazette

“It has a few jolts for audiences, but how does a critic rate such films? "Terror Train" is better than "Don't Go in the House," "Schizoid" and "Prom Night," but no better than "The Fog," "When a Stranger Calls" and "He Knows You're Alone." And not as good as "Halloween,' "Dressed to Kill" and “Carrie." … If all of that means something to you, you're in worse shape than I am.” George Anderson, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

“Pretty soon the genre will be known as the "Jamie Lee Curtis" movie. It was once known as the horror flick. "Sado-horror" or "porno-horror" would serve just as well, but I think saying that a director has pulled a "Jamie Lee Curtis" has a nice ring to it.” Marc Zakem, The Courier Journal

“"Terror Train" is yet another "Halloween" clone featuring youths stalked by a faceless killer. ... While the body count mounts, the film lurches along like a poor man's "Murder on the Orient Express” almost as if "Halloween's" director, John Carpenter, had run amok on Amtrak.” Bruce Westbrook, The Daily Oklahoma

“The classic horror films of the 1930s appealed to the intelligence of their audiences, to their sense of humor and irony. Movies like "Terror Train," and all of its sordid predecessors and its ripoffs still to come, just don't care. They're a series of sensations, strung together on a plot. Any plot will do. Just don't forget the knife, and the girl, and the blood.” Roger Ebert (syndicated)

“Jamie Lee Curtis, the heroine of "Halloween," appears in "Terror Train" as the main object of the killer's knife. Curtis is very good at this sort of picture, which means that she can run down a hall screaming as well as anyone.” Gene Siskel, Chicago Tribune

“"Terror Train," is a semi-classy, semi-dumb horror film that chugs through the first hour, picks up steam in the final 30 minutes and actually manages to come up with a surprise twist at the conclusion.” Marshall Fine, Argus Leader

“This no-way-out sensibility is pretty powerful in "Terror Train" and given an even finer edge by the generally fine performances on the part of a number of actors.” Jacqi Tully, The Arizona Daily Star

“It's this month's entry in the low-budget horror movie sweepstakes, and because of the presence of Jamie Lee Curtis (who has seen more murder and mayhem in her short career than any homicide detective in the South Bronx), Ben Johnson, some clever story twists and an element of whodunit mystery, it ranks as one of the best of the group.” Jimmy Summer, Box Office Magazine

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An agrophobic children’s illustrator is already a prisoner in her own home, but her problems are about to get worse when a pair of psychos in love move in as unwelcome tenants. With electrifying performances by Christine Lahti, Dylan McDermott & Jennifer Rubin. One of the best made-for-cable From Hell thrillers, THE FEAR INSIDE (1992) is another film I'm featuring in my upcoming book THE NANNY HAS A KNIFE!: THE FROM HELL THRILLERS (1987-1996).

The only thing more terrifying than being alone ... is discovering that you aren't.

****   / Directed by:   Christopher Wesley Moore

Starring: Will Lovorn, Christopher Wesley Moore, Jo-Ann Robinson, Jeff Buchwald, Keni Bounds, Lynn Lowry, Alvin Christmas, Roger Conners, K.D. Goodwin  

Choice dialogue:  “I’m not a murderer. I’m a Presbyterian!” 

Review: JA Kerswell

In this excellent Giallo-inspired slasher movie, a free-spirited male sex worker and a buttoned-up gay architect reluctantly team up to uncover the identity of a vicious killer after they are both implicated in a brutal series of murders. With one eye on current social issues and the other on suspense, the film creates a bawdy love letter to Italian thrillers of the 1970s and 1980s. UNTIL YOU’RE ALONE is very possibly director Christopher Wesley Moore’s finest work to date.

Drew’s (Will Lovorn) relationship with his husband, Owen (Roger Conners), has grown stale. The architect is devoted to his job, while Owen stays at home and struggles to write a novel. He also has nightmares (about his dick being lopped off), probably inspired by news reports of male sex workers being killed and dismembered in the county. Drew is horrified when Owen gets drunk and embarrasses him in front of conservative new clients, a pastor, Greg (Jeff Buchwald), and his wife, Mona (Jo-Ann Robinson), for whom he is designing a new church. 

Frustrated by their lack of intimacy, Owen turns to webcams and connects with Connor (played by the director Moore), but is perturbed when another user warns him off. However, when Drew is working late and his sister Elise (Keni Bounds), who is temporarily living with them, is out for the night, Owen invites Connor over for a date, which he naively thinks will be a free hookup. While Connor is in the shower, someone attacks Owen and beats him to death with a hammer. Returning unexpectedly early, Drew stumbles across the murder scene at the same time as Connor; each assumes the other is the killer, and Connor flees. The detective investigating informs Drew that things aren’t looking good, telling him he has two days to find the man he said he saw in the house before he will likely be arrested for his husband’s murder.

Drew has no choice but to become an amateur sleuth to save his own skin and avenge his husband’s death. After tracking down Connor, the pair deduce that someone else was responsible for the murder. Drew asks for Connor’s help. At first reluctant, he agrees to investigate and help unmask the killer, a task made more urgent when they realise they could be the next victims … 

The director’s previous films have combined slasher cinema with pressing social issues, such as BLESSED ARE THE CHILDREN (2016) (abortion) and CHILDREN OF SIN (2022) (forced conversion therapy). With UNTIL YOU’RE ALONE, Moore introduces themes of bigotry, repression, and hypocrisy, all seen through the eyes of a gay filmmaker reacting to glaring divisions plaguing modern-day North America. Although perhaps here in a more subtle way, with the social commentary underpinning the narrative without necessarily becoming the main focus.

Moore successfully transplants the intrigue and fun of the classic Giallo to modern-day Mississippi, with two engaging central performances by Lovorn and Moore aided by a powerhouse turn by Moore regular Robinson. As the archetypal odd couple drawn together by events beyond their control, Moore plays a man desperately hanging onto the fading currency of youth prized by his profession, who helps Drew become less uptight and accept and embrace freedom in his own sexuality. Perhaps past criticism of the director’s work has dwelled on his tendency to feature lengthy dialogue scenes, but here the characters are so well drawn that these diversions provide not only fascinating vignettes (with the kind of flashes of quirky incidental humour that people tend to forget Dario Argento used in films such as DEEP RED(1975)), but help build the type of characterization rarely seen in low-budget horror cinema. It also works in the context of the director paying homage to the slow burn of 1970s genre films, with the sleuthing pair’s dynamic helping drive their—and the audience’s—journey to unravel the film’s mysteries through colorful locations, including a near-deserted drag club solely populated by two bored, sassy drag queens.

However, Moore doesn’t skimp on the horror-thriller elements, as the film features scenes of thrilling suspense and bursts of shocking violence. He understands that the best Gialli are a mix of eroticism, intrigue, mayhem, and an embrace of the genre’s inherent ludicrousness. UNTIL YOU’RE ALONE wears its influences on its sleeve without being overwhelmed by them, with clever nods to Gialli such as Dario Argento’s THE BIRD WITH THE CRYSTAL PLUMAGE (1970) and a partial recreation of an infamous murder scene from DEEP RED. The film even opens with the black-gloved killer selecting a bladed weapon from a box lined in red velvet—and the soundtrack, by Luke Zwelsky, is an effective pastiche-cum-homage to the frequent Argento collaborators Goblin. There are also nods to Juan Piquer Simón's wonderful trashterpiece PIECES (1982)—via fellow Spanish director Narciso Ibáñez Serrador’s influential Giallo-adjacent THE HOUSE THAT SCREAMED (1969)—in the gleefully outrageous cock-brushing conclusion to the film. There are also acknowledgments of North American films influenced by the Giallo, such as Alfred Sole’s ALICE SWEET ALICE (1976), whose psycho here will wear a yellow Macintosh regardless of the weather. 

Perhaps the biggest shock of all is that UNTIL YOU’RE ALONE cost only about $20,000 to produce. However, you wouldn’t know it. Largely free of the issues that can affect microbudgeted horror films (such as muffled sound and wildly varying acting abilities), Moore has matured hugely as a filmmaker, and he makes the absolute most of what he has; projecting a quality onto the film that heroically defies his budget. This lack of funds is only apparent occasionally, such as the lack of a police presence outside a single detective, but it doesn’t really distract at all. The film looks superb (shot in a 2.35:1 aspect ratio), with confident and inventive framing, neon blue and pink hues calling to mind ‘80s Gialli, and even the use of a split-diopter in one scene.

Dario Argento, who, in a progressive move, often featured gay characters in his films without resorting to ridicule, unlike some of his peers, once expressed, during his 1970s heyday, his desire to one day film a Giallo that predominantly featured them. That never happened, but Moore makes it a reality. UNTIL YOU’RE ALONE is a must-see for fans of Queer genre cinema and, really, everyone else. 

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Whilst it's widely known that mainstream critics hated FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 (even though now it's widely regarded as one of the franchise's best), were you aware that many horror fans did, too? So much so that Steve Miner's film was voted the WORST horror film of 1981 by the readers of Fangoria!

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JAPAN'S MOST TERRIFYING URBAN LEGEND ... IS REAL

***   / Directed by: Kôji Shiraishi

Starring: Eriko Satô, Haruhiko Katô, Chiharu Kawai, Rie Kuwana, Kazuyuki Matsuzawa, Kaori Sakagami, Sakina Kuwae, Yûto Kawase, Rio Nakamura  

Kōji Shiraishi, best known for the excellent paranormal pseudo-documentary NOROI: THE CURSE (2005), here delivers a typically off-kilter Japanese slasher movie centered on abuse that cascades down the maternal line. It feeds off a popular urban legend about a woman with a slit mouth who, in this version, carries a massive pair of scissors and hunts, abducts, and murders children. While blessed with a highly distinctive villain and some genuinely unsettling moments, muddy plotting, flat cinematography, and some highly illogical plot turns keep it from approaching top-tier Asian horror.

 
A city in Japan is awash with the legend of the Slit-mouthed Woman (or Kuchisake-onna) (played by Miki Mizuno as Taeko Matsuzaki), whispered about by children and adults alike. A Banshee of sorts, she wears a beige raincoat, carries a pair of terrifyingly long scissors, and sports a surgical face mask that, when removed, reveals a horizontally slit, mutilated mouth. Legend has it that she lives in a house with a red roof, where she keeps the children she abducts in a basement. However, after an earthquake rocks the prefecture, one of three small boys who hope to catch a glimpse of the urban legend at a park gets more than he bargained for when she proves to be terrifyingly real and is abducted by the Slit-mouthed Woman, or by someone dressed like her. In the town over, officials warn children not to talk to strangers and arrange for them to walk home in groups, as the police work on the assumption that the abduction is the work of an imposter.  

One young girl, Mika (Rie Kuwana), is teased by classmates that she is the Slit-mouthed Woman because she sports a surgical mask (which she actually wears to hide the bruises her mother left on her face after beating her). Another girl in her class and her teacher, Kyōko (Eriko Sato), take pity on her. However, when Mika tells Kyōko (who is herself in a bitter divorce battle over her own young daughter, who despises her) that she hates her mother, Kyōko snaps at her despite the girl’s evident injuries. Mika flees and inadvertently runs into the arms of the Slit-mouthed Woman, who abducts her; but Kyōko, terrified by her appearance, cannot tell the authorities exactly what has happened.

 
Kyōko is suspended from her teaching position and told to rest and keep a low profile. However, as she leaves the school, another teacher, Noboru (Haruhiko Kato), asks her about her encounter. He says that every time a child is abducted, he hears a ghostly voice asking, “Am I … pretty?” He shows her a photo of a woman from 30 years ago who resembles the Slit-mouthed Woman. Together, they go to Masatoshi's (Yûto Kawase) home, a young boy from their school who has been researching the legend. When they arrive, he is attacked by the presence wielding her scissors, and they fight to save him. However, after she seemingly dies from a stab wound, they are shocked to see that the apparition has been replaced by a local woman and mother of two young girls.

 
As the child disappearances escalate—and the first abducted child is murdered and found dumped in a parking lot—the pair realise they must race to uncover the origins of the Slit-mouthed Woman to defeat her and rescue her remaining victims … 

In Japan, the legend of the Kuchisake-onna, by some accounts, dates back to the 17th century (usually about a woman disfigured by her samurai husband to destroy her beauty as punishment), but the latest incarnation was popularised in the late 1970s by newspaper reports of sightings, when it became a craze among children to scare each other with the story, leading to near mass hysteria. As with most legends, variations proliferate, but most versions depict a woman mutilated in life who returns as a vengeful spirit. In Shiraishi’s version, she is a mentally ill mother who beats and eventually kills her children; who, in a moment of lucidity, begs her remaining child to behead her—which instead results in her facial disfigurement before she is eventually stabbed in the neck. 

 
CARVED: THE SLIT-MOUTHED WOMAN treats its villain as a cross between a curse and a contagion (an idea previously used in better-known Japanese horror films such as Hideo Nakata’s RINGU (1999) and Takashi Shimizu’s JU-ON: THE GRUDGE (2002), two movies that spawned their own franchises centered on a long, black-haired female ghoul). Rather than the curse of the fathers, Shiraishi explores a curse of the mothers—in which even good-natured women become surrogates for the film’s monster (their possession heralded by a bout of coughing), who regenerates every time the host is killed. Mizuno’s Kuchisake-onna is cruel, robotic, and expressionless. She erupts into bouts of scissor stabbings as the film moves into a more slasher-centric second half, but more disturbing are flashbacks of her punching, kicking, and slapping her small children—something she continues to do even as a supernatural creature when she isn’t wielding her scissors. However, her staccato movements and leisurely pacing don’t necessarily make for the most dynamic slasher-movie villainess—and it’s clear that the director’s interests lie more in a more typically J-Horror, supernatural angle.

 
As with many Japanese genre pieces, the film tends to lean into the esoteric. Not all questions are answered—such as why the earthquake has resurrected the Slit-mouthed Woman and why she turns from a rotting zombie into a facsimile of herself from when she was alive. That’s fine, of course, but decisions such as the two protagonists not being questioned by the police after a random woman is found stabbed to death in a child’s house tend to unanchor the film somewhat. Although shot flatly (its smaller budget showing at times), it still has production values good enough to set it apart from many of the straight-to-video horror titles that proliferated in Japan.

 
Released to Japanese cinemas on limited release, Shiraishi’s CARVED: THE SLIT-MOUTHED WOMAN is one of the relatively few Asian movies that blend the legend of the long black-haired ghost with slasher-movie theatrics. Other post-SCREAM examples include NIGHTMARE(aka HORROR GAME MOVIE) (2001, South Korea) and GUROZUKA (2005, Japan). The character appears in the earlier Japanese straight-to-video horror anthology KUCHISAKE-ONNA (1996) and in the erotic, Pinku-charged THE SLIT-MOUTHED WOMAN (2005).  

 
It was followed by the lesser-known but more accomplished THE SCISSORS MASSACRE(aka CARVED 2) (2008), directed by Kôtarô Terauchi. It is a prequel—at least thematically—offering an alternative origin story for the Slit-mouthed Woman. Set in 1978 (the year the original sightings, press reports, and hysteria started in Japan), it follows a popular schoolgirl who is facially disfigured with acid in a case of mistaken identity. Her growing estrangement from family, love interest, and former friends (who see her as a freak) drives her into depression and isolation, as a series of vicious murders by a woman in a red coat carrying scissors rocks the countryside. Notable for sudden tonal shifts (starting as a sweet teen drama before veering into shocking violence and a supernatural slasher finale), it features good production values (with great period details), solid acting, and an unpredictable narrative, making it a much more satisfying watch than the first film. Shiraishi himself returned to the theme with the first installment of his popular paranormal pseudo-documentary series, SENRITSU KAIKI FILE KOWASUGI FILE 01: OPERATION CAPTURE THE SLIT-MOUTHED WOMAN (2012). Along with other Asian remakes, four Japanese directors made an anthology in Los Angeles in the hopes of capturing a modicum of success of those US studio remakes of the likes of THE RING (2002) and THE GRUDGE (2004) with SLIT MOUTH WOMAN IN LA (2014).

 
Although it has its moments and features a memorable villain, Shiraishi’s follow-up to NOROI: THE CURSE unfortunately doesn’t evoke the same genuine unease and scares as that film—but the sequel/prequel, especially, is definitely worth hunting down. 

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In the first of an occasional blog looking at the critical reception of ‘80s slasher movies, I’ve gathered 18 quotes from newspaper critics’ reviews of the 1983 pic SLEEPAWAY CAMP. Today, the film is warmly remembered by fans (including myself), but it is worth noting that mainstream critics hated slasher movies with something approaching manic fervor. And Robert Hiltzik’s movie got some of the most vicious notices. Enjoy!

(Here are some of the quotes)

“"SLEEPAWAY CAMP" - A tasteless picture about mysterious murders at a summer youth camp that obscenely blends beheadings, stabbings, pubescent impulses, homosexuality, transvestism and hermaphroditism with a cast of junior high school actors.” Wayne Gire, Imperial Beach Star News

“… a repugnant and vile "Friday the 13th" ripoff that is only one step removed from child p*rn*graphy.” Keith Roysdon, Muncie Evening Press

“A horror film about murders at summer camp. No names we know and not good for kids who have just packed a duffel bag.” The Arizona Republic

“"Sleepaway Camp" has less explicit gore than many of this genre, but even for a movie of its kind the level of acting is astonishingly low. Rarely have so few non-actors, over-actors and bad actors been assembled for a single film.” Sharon Johnson, The Patriot News

“Of course, in such low-budget movies, there tend to be unanswered questions. For example, why doesn't a camp full of people hear the victims screaming bloody murder within their own midst in broad daylight? Why does the "scary" music also play during harmless goodnight kisses and pillow fights? Why does the cop have his mustache painted on? Why didn't Bill Whitaker see this dog instead of me?” Danny Reagan, Abilene Reporter News

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MORE THAN JUST A MOVIE ... IT'S THE SHOCK OF YOUR LIFE!

Directed by: Dusty Nelson

Starring: Joseph Pilato, Susan Chapek, John Harrison, Bernard McKenna, Debra Gordon, Tom Savini, Charles Hoyes, Blay Bahnsen

Choice dialogue:  “Hey. This isn't in the script!” 

Actor Russell Todd recalled telling his Mom he had landed an acting role in FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 (1981). She looked concerned and asked if he was sure it wasn’t a snuff film. He reassured her that Paramount Studios wasn’t going to kill him on camera for real! However, that is the premise of the excellent EFFECTS, in which some of the cast and crew are unaware that they are taking part in a film that might cut their careers short in the deadliest way possible. It is a film that could have been read as a postmodern take on the Golden Age of the slasher movie, had it not been for the fact that the cycle had not even begun when it was filmed.

Low-budget horror auteur Lacey (John Harrison) is shooting a supernatural proto-slasher movie, SOMETHING’S WRONG, at a remote property outside Pittsburgh. Ostensibly, it’s a story about a husband and wife’s marital collapse, with Rita (Debra Gordon) hallucinating that her husband, Barney (Bernard McKenna), is trying to kill her with a straight razor. Dominic (Joseph Pilato), hired to provide the film’s special effects, strikes up a casual relationship with Celeste (Susan Chapek), an actress-turned-gopher on the production. Visiting a local bar, the pair have a run-in with Nicky (Tom Savini), a local hoodlum who turns out to be involved in a hidden side of the production. One drunken, cocaine-fuelled evening, Lacey invites Barney, Dominic and another crew member, Lobo (Charles Hoyes), to watch a grainy short film that starts like a stag loop but goes on to show a woman being bound and slashed to death with a straight razor. Dominic and Lobo appear horrified and ask a coy Lacey if it was a real murder; he eventually denies it was a genuine snuff film and says it was a student short he made in college. Unbeknownst to Dominic, he seems to have failed to ace his audition to become one of the initiated who know that Lacey is using the film as a pretext to make a feature-length snuff movie, appropriately called DUPED.

When Dominic finds Polaroids of a woman bound and gagged in Lacey’s room, he recognises her as someone who visited the set a couple of nights earlier to audition for a part. He still doesn’t twig what is going on until he is taken to the woods under the pretext of shooting early-morning B-roll and finds himself running for his life. He then attempts to return to rescue Celeste, whom he figures has been lured into serving as a disposable part of Lacey’s cinéma vérité horror flick …

Shot in late October 1978, EFFECTS predates the slasher boom, co-initiated by FRIDAY THE 13TH (1980) a couple of years later, and was being made just as John Carpenter’s HALLOWEEN(1978) debuted on screens. The fact that it seems to feature a number of what we now recognise as subgenre tropes (the POV shot of someone spying on a couple from behind trees in the woods) only goes to show how much proto-slashers from the earlier part of the 1970s laid the groundwork for the subgenre as it came to be known. Seemingly, a big influence on the film (which is based on the novel Snuff by Bill H. Mooney) was Michael Findlay and Roberta Findlay’s notorious SNUFF (1975); a movie released to a great deal of outrage (much of it orchestrated by the makers themselves for publicity reasons) after they tagged a specially filmed fake snuff scene onto the end of a low-budget Argentinian Mansonploitation film, THE SLAUGHTER (1971). SNUFF teased that the murders were real (the tagline being: “The film that could only be made in South America … where Life is CHEAP!”), but it was really just a typical carny-style bait-and-switch. However, the legend of snuff films persisted in urban lore throughout the 1970s. In EFFECTS, several characters debate whether the spectacle of gore without substance is enough. The cold reality is that the movie Lacey and his crew are making is purely driven by money and designed for a jaded audience; whether it’s drama or brutal reality, it is directed and shot with clinical detachment by a production studio with multiple monitors, operators, and seemingly impossible, omnipresent surveillance cameras. In many ways, it shares themes explored five years later by David Cronenberg in VIDEODROME (1983). The film closes with a shot of a cinema marquee reading “Lacey Bickel’s DUPED - The Snuff Movie” in lights. The film ultimately chooses not to comment on whether this passes as carny-type fakery to titillate, or whether real-life murders on camera have become an accepted form of entertainment for the American cinemagoer within its world.

EFFECTS was shot on 16mm with the kind of grit that marks it out as a Pittsburgh production (and features a number of George A. Romero collaborators and assistants, including Savini, who provides the film’s special effects and was co-produced Romero’s Latent Image). Although a product of its super-low $55,000 budget, the film stock gives it the kind of graininess that, at least visually, puts it only one step above the fake snuff loop shown in the film, which—intentionally or not—highlights the thin line between the two. Although certainly shot through with a sense of nihilism, it also works as both a fascinating, almost fly-on-the-wall glimpse behind the curtain of low-budget horror movie-making in the 1970s and a surprisingly effective suspense piece towards its conclusion. The film shares the fascination with conspiracy and deception that runs through many of that decade’s paranoia-driven thrillers, and—in its most effective touch—keeps you guessing as to who is in on the plan to make a real snuff movie and who are the unfortunate stooges. Once the cat is out of the bag, Dominic’s attempts to stay alive and find out what is really going on are genuinely exciting—with an almost stubbornly anti-genre production switching gears towards more of what an audience might expect from a conventional thriller movie.

Whilst it is true that EFFECTS generated its own kind of almost-legendary lore by virtue of never being released on VHS and therefore being little seen, there is a misconception that the film wasn’t released at all before Synapse rescued it for a 2005 DVD release. It did get a limited theatrical release in North America (blown up from 16mm to 35mm and trimmed for violence to secure an R-rating) and attracted some good notices (and some not-so-good ones). Pittsburgh critic Marylynn Uricchio reported on the film in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette ahead of its premiere in the town in November 1979, saying, “‘Effects' is a challenging film, a conscious effort on the part of the makers to involve the audience in working out the story”. Adding, “The gore and sex, primary elements of that genre, are kept to a minimum. Yet the tenants of "Effects" are far more frightening than dripping blood could ever be”, and concluding “It is an intriguing, difficult and provocative film, yet it pays its due to the conventions of accepted cinema, and so remains entertaining.” The film won awards at the J. Hunter Todd’s Houston International Film Festival in late 1979 and was a finalist at the US Film Festival in Salt Lake City (the precursor to Sundance), although it attracted a fair amount of controversy, too. Reviewing the film for the Greater Miami International Film Festival, critic Bill Cosford, although dismissing it as a “shock” film, concluded, “Still, shock-film fans are going to love Effects. And so will anyone with a taste for ingenious filmmaking.”

EFFECTS was picked up by Stuart S. Shapiro and released theatrically by his International Harmony company in Tucson, Arizona, in April 1980 (a popular market for testing how well movies perform before committing to a wider release). Presumably, it didn’t test well enough to fund such a rollout, as its only other engagement was in its hometown in October 1980. However, critical opinion in Pittsburgh had curdled somewhat, with critic Ed Blank calling the film “loathsome” in The Pittsburgh Press, finishing his review by saying, “I'm puzzled by its R rating, given the high quantity of explicit violence, sex and language. "Effects" also provides a narrated on-camera lesson in how to take cocaine.”

Its ambiguities (it doesn’t neatly tie up all its loose ends) largely work in its favour. Despite a few technical flaws (the camera is out of focus at least once), EFFECTS remains a fascinating puzzle-box of a film that is just waiting to be opened by the uninitiated. 

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Originally envisaged as a big-screen replacement for Paramount’s FRIDAY THE 13TH franchise. THE SUBSTITUTE saw Amanda Donohoe as the psycho teacher From Hell, who will kill anyone to keep her secrets - including Mark Wahlberg (as Marky Mark) in his first role. It was eventually released direct to the USA Network in 1993, but failed to get any sequels.

Slasher movies in the early 1980s routinely got awful reviews in the mainstream press, but PIECES probably got the worst reviews by far. A shame none of them could appreciate its campy, goofy charm!

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Desire is the ultimate nightmare ...

** 1/2 

aka KISS OF THE SERPENT

Directed by: James Ingrassia

Starring: Chris Moore, Murray McDougall, Jeff Greenman, Matt Tomasino, Peter S. Petralia

Choice dialogue:  “Nine shall die to satisfy the fire of your anger!”

What could have easily been called BOOBS ISLAND, given how often bras and bikini tops ping off, SNAKE ISLAND is a Florida-lensed movie so obscure it was never released in North America. A group of horny, drunk twentysomethings marooned on an island are picked off one by one by a stonewashed-jeans-clad mystery killer with a snake fetish. Chaotic and often befuddling, it is otherwise a surprisingly ambitious effort, sure to provide some fun for less discerning fans of cheesy late ‘80s slashers.

It begins in 1979 (the only nod to that date is a character wearing a headband): a man and his son attend a snake ritual on an island, where the father begs a shaman of sorts to free his son, Michael, from a curse (or something). It turns out the man is ‘renowned’ herpetologist Dr Waylan, who runs the local Reptile World Serpentarium on the mainland. One night, a group of high schoolers let off fireworks outside the complex to taunt their classmate Michael, accidentally setting it alight and killing the man, his wife and his daughter (who we never see). However, Michael’s body is never found.

Fast forward eight years, and the excitable high schoolers have grown into excitable twenty-somethings centred on friends Kim and Tammie, who say things like *“You’re bruising my ass!”*during lycra-clad aerobics sessions and “He looks like he’s great in bed. For a white man.” The group is looking forward to a yacht cruise to celebrate the 4th of July, organised by Tom, who is Kim’s ex and manages her new boyfriend, rock star Chris Michaels. … Hmmm, damn, I wish there were a clue to the killer’s identity … Before they leave for their trip, three of the group are killed by someone wielding a hand puppet with a snake’s head and blades for fangs. Breezily brushing off their friend’s no-show, the rest depart for the high seas. Later, someone sabotages the boat, and they find themselves marooned on a mysterious island, seemingly inhabited only by snakes, with a totem pole carved with nine heads. However, dedicated to booze and boobs, they are mostly unaware that someone is stalking them with murderous intent as they traipse around the island, singing the “99 Bottles of Beer” song on repeat …

Objectively, SNAKE ISLAND is not a good film by any stretch, but I’ve seen worse (just about). It was seemingly edited with a chainsaw, with a scene of blaring music jarringly cut to another scene with a different type of blaring music (usually a song with lyrics such as “Hit me with your nightstick”), with little discernible rhythm. It also has a script that appears made up as shooting went along (it never quite settles on whether there was a snake curse or whether everything was the result of some kind of experimentation about regeneration or something else entirely). The bulk of the movie very much fits the slasher mould of punishing sinners for past crimes, with a killer stalking people in an isolated location, and is notably a 4th July slasher ten years before I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER (1997). However, in its closing 20 minutes, it makes a somewhat muddled swerve into monster movie territory, with a couple of transformation scenes that, whilst they wouldn’t give Rob Bottin sleepless nights, aren’t half bad for a low-budget regional horror movie (although, disappointingly, many of the death scenes are of the cut away and spray a wall with fake blood variety). Although not listed in the credits, the special effects appear to be the work of a Floridian crew led by Rick Gonzales, who also worked on WITCH STORY (1989) and the killer baboon movie SHAKMA (1990). 

As with many regional slashers, the acting is variable to say the least, with the often overblown and melodramatic script leading to many presumably unintentionally funny moments. Some of the side characters clearly had no previous thespian experience, including a hilariously wooden coroner and a middle-aged nurse who sounds like Zsa Zsa Gabor. SNAKE ISLAND also has a gas attendant who is a dead ringer for Ron Jeremy. Adding to that, the film not only has the obligatory fat sheriff but also a portly cruiser in dungarees called Al, who, in one scene, accidentally drives a quad bike off a pier and laments, “My potato chips are wet!”—and who later tries flirting with a couple of the girls whilst continuously farting (Todd from THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF SALT LAKE CITY is that you?). 

There are some unanswered questions, such as why there are wolves howling on an island off Florida? And, can you really be knocked unconscious by a light tap to the back of the head with a shovel? Also, a bigger mystery than the blindingly obvious identity of its killer is why the film was never released in its home country in any format. An even bigger mystery is why it was referred to as SNAKE ISLAND II by the local press when filming was announced.

Florida Today reported that the movie (under its head-scratching faux-sequel title) was scheduled to start filming in Brevard County in October 1987 (shooting through November to December). Indianantic tiki carver Ed Volonnino was hired to create a 13-foot tiki with eight faces to “represent the teens”. He told the paper that “… he was given a script and asked to capture the personality and description of each character in wood.” Director James Ingrassia said he hoped to get Rod Steiger to play the father for name value (which didn’t happen), and 20 of the main roles were given to actors from New York and Miami (with auditions for local teenagers held for the kids that appear in the prologue). Murray MacDougall, who played singer Chris Michaels, was a real wannabe pop star who released a catchy, high-energy single in 1987 called You’re My Number One (with some sources saying he was an ex-Chippendales dancer). The director’s previous “surfing and bikini” film SUNSTROKE U.S.A had been filmed in 1985 and, at the time, was still unreleased (it did come out as HOT SPLASH in 1988, but like this film, didn’t appear to get a release domestically).

SNAKE ISLAND is so obscure that it isn’t even mentioned in Brian Albright’s otherwise exhaustive book Regional Horror Films, 1958-1990. To date, the only release has been on VHS in Germany and South Korea, soon after it was made. The version I saw (with Korean subs) doesn’t feature closing credits, which makes it practically impossible to identify most of its cast (with no female cast members listed on any release). Which, for some of them, may be a blessing. 

  

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