"I would really prefer you didn't do that" said the infinitely regenerating man, "its quite painful and inconvenient for me"
oo yea i'm balls deep in this mission planning sheet
the way i'm chiefing on these russian creams my lungs are full of tar
No wait fuck sorry I'm still practicing
but this time, my juicy meaty schlong was sticking out the proper way through the butt flap (i love my butt flap boxers)
the light turned purple
*The recorder screams to life, its knobs mangled and its antenna snapped in half. The back of it seemingly clawed open, a makeshift battery in its slot on its last apparent breath of power. The orange display crackles on slowly, with the logo for Hristov Communications Inc. showing first before defaulting to the recordings archive.
You scroll through the remaining voice memos. More than half of them are corrupted and unplayable. You're not sure what information this thing has, but it's potentially your last clue to make it to the surface before the usurpation happens.
There's only one entry that piques your interest. It's the final one, and the only one with an unknown user. All of the others were the facility's scientists, and a couple by the Research Director. At least from what you could tell by comparing the schedule. You read the file name out loud under your breath to yourself as your cold exhale escapes your lips.*
// LAST RECORDING: 01/07/2552 03:14:11.44 USER: UNKNOWN //
"That's... interesting."
You've never seen anything quite like this before. 2552? How the hell is this piece of shit's battery still operational?
It doesn't matter. You click the file anyways. This might be the only way home.
The speaker shorts out and lets out a deafening, high pitch screech. It echoes off the walls and out the room.
"FUCK!"
*You scramble to cover the speaker with your coat. You peer through the blasted out windows as duraglass crunches beneath your boots. You don't see anything.
...
After waiting a few minutes, you turn the dial up on the device.*
"-just don't know what I thought I'd see in this godforsaken place. *Sighs* Th.. there's nothing left I can-"
"Stop." You command the radio as it abruptly cuts off.
"Play it again."
The radio whirs up, the play bar resets to the beginning as you let out a deep breath and begin to listen. Your exhale materializes in front of you like a cloud of smoke. Something in the device snaps on, and the recording begins once more. You begin to settle in for the night as the radio gently hums.
---
---
*There is loud whirring in the background, you're unsure of the origin. A panicked voice of an older male peaks the microphone as the sounds of the device being fumbled with and dropped echo off the ceiling.*
"OKAY..! Hah... oh my god... hah - huh.... I didn't... I didn't think this... hah... would be it. Um.. ha.. oh fuck... Oh gods... what can I even say...
This... this is D-Doctor Marley, under the hah.. 11th Medical Squadron...
T-Tammy, I swear to god I tried to save you and the kids. Hah.. But.. by the time they came in it was... huh.. it was too late. "
*The man begins to apparently choke back tears as he repeatedly sniffles*
"I just.. hah..gods! There was nothing I could do. There.. was nothing I could DO!! T-They got here so fast. I JUST DON'T KNOW!"
*There is metal and glass recorded being thrown around and destroyed*
"I had a feeling something was wrong. The Commissar was acting incredibly strange for the last few weeks. I wasn't sure if he'd been replaced with an android or... *sniff* or.. something wor-Oh."
His voice lowers into a barely audible whisper. The sudden silence sends chills down your spine.
"Oh... god."
*You can hear the LIDAR scan pings from Skeith-Type Scout Drones in the background*
*The man begins whimpering, whispering entirely under his breath, as the automatic captions of the radio are the only thing that can make out what he is saying.*
"I made my way to this lab... t-to figure out what was going wrong... but...."
*He lets out a desperate cry and begins sobbing between breaths*
"Tammy.. I-I still rem-remember that s-story you told me... a hun.. huh.. a hundred t-thousand times... o-or more... A-about the kittens going t-to Paris."
"I-I, just d-d-don't know what the f-fuck h-happened... I w-wanted to figure out a s-solution and I l-left you all.."
"O-Oscar. I-I'm gonna n-need you to be st-strong. Able, j-just follow your b-brother. And.. Tammy.. I-I'm so s-sorry.
I-I just just don't know what I-I thought I'd see in this godf-forsaken place. *Sighs* Th.. there's nothing left I can-"
The recording ends abruptly.
---
---
You're not sure what to make of this information. You haven't seen, or even heard, a Skeith-Type Scout in over a decade.
The battery fizzes out, and upon inspection, is completely covered in rust.
As the humming of the radio dies down, the loudness of the silence makes you come to the conclusion that you may already be dreaming.
...Potential To Suck Dick
there were two interdimensional portals where my eyes should be... and also I had a big boner, a huge rack, low blood sugar, an electrolyte imbalance, a gigantic erection, a college degree, a 12 pack of natty lites i stole from my bitch ex-boyfriend, an enormous floppy weiner, SIDS, a blunt, and a head injury and a head injury
i can't i'm fuckin allergic to flowers you clumsy slut
i got this golden chicken then i choked it
when it is opposite day
Wait what are youmMMF~ wait stop mmhah we can't this is wrohah-OOMPH ah.. y....Blup
what are those guys doing with that comically large cannon
somebody is watching me
i don't know where. i don't know why
these cameras are watching me but i don't know where they're from
these things.. these FUCKING things keep hopping me up on some concoction of drugs. FUCK!
the control room is only 2 halls down but i'm fuckin strapped to this thing. i swear to god i can hear them clackin on their keyboard sometimes. i know you can hear me
there's a wrench over there. i can hear my bones ring. you're fucked once i chew through my wrist. i can't. i can't lift my arms
i'll do anything. please
I have tried absolutely everything and nothing helps. I'm at my limit here. I just want some peace and quiet. Please dude I just want some sleep I have tried everything yall have suggested. I've had three separate doctors say they don't know what's wrong with me. I had a sleep study and it just didn't matter
I just want some sleep. Is that so much to ask for. Please, please a single night of 8 hour sleep would do me wonders. I just want to sleep