u/IEatRottenToast

I’m 18M, parents are divorced (both PIMI) and I live with my mom. Of course, like most PIMI parents, my mom is narcissistic. But I’ve had it, I’m just about done pretending.

She knows deep down the person I really am, the person I want to be. She knows I don’t believe in any of it, but refuses to admit the fact. I’m sure I’m gay or bi-questioning, and she knows that I’m some form of LGBT. She even says how she knows I want to look “as least manly as possible., which isn’t necessarily true, I just enjoy having long hair and looking feminine. 

More recentl, she’s pressured me to get a haircut, and i compromised as a peace tax, using my own money to pay. When she came home, she was mad. She didn’t like how it was hardly cut, and now I regret getting this haircut because I tried to compromise and she still ended up not liking it so at least me questioning, Why did I get the haircut at all? Basically this has been the straw that broke my back. I’m not going to cut my hair unless I want, I don’t care anymore what she threatens me, I cannot cage the person I truly am anymore. I don’t want to even show up to he meetings anymore, even if everyone knows I don’t want to be a witness. 

I’m sorry if this post was a bit confusing, I’m going through a tough time and I’m very furious right now.

This has been on my all the time. Recently I (18M), have been threatened to be kicked out by my mother more and more often for not wanting to participate in the meetings or service.

I am a closeted bisexual, and gender non conforming (If I had the choice, I’d like to be feminine and not masculine, and pass as a girl, even though I identify as a cis male.)

It hurts me so much to know that my mom would rather kick me out of the house i grew up in, not because I was violent, doing drugs, or doing anything of the sorts, but just because I don’t want to participate. thats it. I’m getting so f tired of hearing it over and over again, I’m starting to call her bluff in my head, whether it’s a bluff or not. Im willing to help pay bills and help around the house, but not control my religion. this is not the religion of a loving god. I’ve been secretly recording her threats in voice memos and building evidence just in case. Heres a transcript of a recent one.

Do you understand me? Because you can't go to parties and stuff with me and get to do the fun stuff."

"But I need you to make plans because it's not fair. Because you're gonna go to the party today and have fun, but you're not doing service when you're in this household. You have to go to the Kingdom hall and be a wit."

”I know you're not doing it today because it's 9 o' clock and you're not getting ready. So, do we have a deal?"

”So what are you gonna do? You just gonna disobey me?”

"Cause I don't want to kick you out and I don't want you to cry and I don't want you to get upset, but you're going to have to spend time with your dad anyway. Service would be the time to do it."

for background information, my parents are divorced and are both still PIMI, surprisingly. Im about to start community college soon and I’m worried she will actually kick me out and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so worried and all I want to be is myself.

id really like to hear from y’all who have successfully managed how to deal with this situation and maybe give me some advice. Thanks.

Hello all,

As the title says, how can I improve my communication with King Paimon? I used to work with him a lot, and I slowly stopped a couple of months ago, and I’ve been starting to work with him again. there’s a usual sensation. He gives me whenever I talk to him, but it almost feels like I’m slowly feeling less and less of it. I don’t know if it’s just me getting used to the feeling or if I’m doing something wrong. I was also wondering, how do some get to the point where you get the responses in your head when you speak to them? I’ve been wanting to get closer to King Paimon and I want to get to that point where I can speak to him to telepathically.

I’m sorry if some of this didn’t make sense, I’m still new to this and if you have any questions or suggestions, please respectfully let me know.