r/exjwLGBT

Hey everyone. Update to my previous post because honestly I dont know what it is Im even doing right now and I genuinely feel horrible at the moment; Apologies in advance for the 3 AM sleep deprived rant

Original post for context:
https://www.reddit.com/r/exjw/comments/1tdk73t/terrified_about_reconnecting_with_a_childhood/

I finally got a response back from that childhood friend I talked about there. Ill attach her response below.

I dont even know how to explain how I feel right now. part of me is just happy she answered at all, but at the same time I feel really sick with anxiety and fear and sadness. Ive been completely isolated ever since leaving. Like genuinely almost completely alone. No support system, no friends or family anymore, nobody from my old life, nothing. It’s been months and months of just trying to survive mentally while also bouncing around from place to place feeling like Id rather just not exist anymore. And now, right when I started to believe that just maybe things could change, I already see it crumbling right in front of me

she suggested maybe talking to my mother first or meeting with her around my mom/at my house or something. But my mom and I have literally not spoken in over half a year now, basically since I left/got kicked out. I also don’t really have a house anymore. I’ve been couchsurfing, shelter hopping, and doing whatever it takes trying to get into transitional housing, trying to survive in this horrible life that I live

And what makes this worse is I didn’t tell my old friend this directly, but part of the reason I asked her to keep my being in town low-profile was specifically because I did NOT want my mother or her husband finding out I’m here. But now I’m scared she may have already told my mother about me being back and that maybe thats why she brought her up. And now I just feel trapped and cornered because contacting my mother is most likely not happening for reasons I don’t really want to dump publicly right now.

I genuinely don’t know what to do. I feel like if I say the wrong thing or handle this wrong Im going to lose the only real chance at actually connectinf with someone I’ve had since leaving. I know that probably sounds pathetic...I feel completely emotionally overwhelmed by this whole thing.

I don't want to lose her. Please help me. What do I do?

My JW friend gives me a lot of mixed signals and I don’t know if I’m reading too much into it

I neeeeeed advice because I honestly don’t know if I’m overthinking this or if something is really there.

I have a very close friend who became a Jehovah’s Witness around 3 years ago. Before becoming a JW, she told me that she liked women too, so I’m assuming she may be bisexual or at least had attraction to women in the past.

The reason I’m confused is because she acts very affectionate with me, but it feels more intense than a normal friendship sometimes.

She touches me a lot for little reasons
hugs me often
tells me “I love you”
calls me beautiful, sexy, sensual, etc.
gets much more affectionate and emotionally open when we’re alone
but around other people she becomes more shy and reserved

She’s also opened up to me about very personal things, like wanting to leave her house and even saying she’d want to live with me someday.

Last night we were both writing romantic poems for fun. I wrote mine first, about a fantasy lover. After reading mine, she wrote one called “Amarte en silencio” (Loving you in silence) and later compared our poems by saying mine was about a fantasy lover and hers was about “secret love.”

What really stood out to me is that her poem literally had lines like:

“Quizás solo sea una amiga…”
(“Maybe I’m only a friend…”)

and it was about hidden love and secret feelings.

I honestly don’t know if this is:
1 just creative writing
2 very affectionate friendship 3 or if she may have feelings she doesn’t know how to express because of being a JW

I know JW beliefs can make same-sex feelings and relationships very complicated, so I’m trying not to assume or pressure her.

For ex-JWs or people who have been in similar situations… does this sound familiar? Am I reading too much into this?!

Edit : I’m a jw pimo

I’m still living at home with my parents right now, but I’m curious if it would be a bad idea to get on HRT? I don’t want to wait anymore but idk if it will be to hard to hide the results.

So I drunk confessed my feelings for a friend in the religion AWHILE back lol… but reminiscing on his non judgemental reaction and what could have been I wrote this tonight. Writing is becoming therapy for me. The fact another guy in the religion didn’t write me off after that meant a lot. Maybe one day….

“Forbidden Fruit “

You’re my forbidden fruit
The one I could never have
Just a friend
If anyone would ever ask

Why am I confused of what I even feel for you
Whether you were a figment of my imagination or a real love story

A brother in arms
A comrade
A confidant and more

You could have laid me over to punishment if you really wanted
But when I bore my heart you guarded it

In some other universe maybe we could have been lovers

Eyeing each other from under the covers

But somehow I have a weird sort of peace
Maybe one day
You’ll be on the side of the fence where we both will feel at ease.

Hii, i'm not an english native speaker, but i do need to try to talk to someone right now. I'm not a JW, my girlfriend is, we broke up a few days ago because the religion and her family made her feel that she was betraying them for being with me. I don't know what to do man... i want to help her, i love her with all my heart, so i thought, who can give a better advice tan the ones who experiment this religion? What can i do? I really want to help her.

I've got a question for those who became POMO while living at home with PIMI family. Did you fade, DF, DA? How did they react? If they didn't kick you out, how did the atmosphere at home change? Was it any better or worse than being PIMO? I'm weighing my options and trying to figure out whether it might be worth attempting to fade while still living here, given that my mother claims she would accept my not going to meetings as long as I don't "interfere" with her faith or do anything "sinful" in the house. PIMO life is very painful for me, but I also want to gauge whether it would be better or worse if I dropped the act and stopped pretending to be someone I'm not.

I'm scared as hell that I will feel dirty.

Hey everyone. I’m an exJW (18m) and I’m in kind of a weird emotional situation and honestly don’t know how to approach it.

I’m going back to my hometown this weekend because I have to deal with some selective service registration stuff, and recently I heard news through my cousin about an old friend of mine from the congregation (17f).

For context: she was basically the "girl next door" for most of my childhood. We always had really good chemistry, got along naturally, had fun together, etc. But because of the JW culture around opposite-sex friendships + my parents being extremely isolationist/abusive and paranoid about "bad influences," we were never really allowed to just be normal friends. I think part of me has been grieving that ever since leaving. The fact that we never really got to just be normal teenagers despite caring about each other as people.

Despite the stepfather having privileges, her family as a whole was also considered “lukewarm” by some in the congregation, as they weren't the most consistent about meetings and service, and because of this there was definitely judgement towards them by the congregation as a whole, including by most other youth towards her.

Anyways, according to my cousin, apparently the step-father is now disfellowshipped and her parents are divorcing. Somewhere in the conversation about all this, my cousin mentioned that she apparently said she’d either like or would be okay with being friends with me again, which honestly surprised me a lot to hear. Especially because I’ve found myself thinking about her too since leaving, but since basically nobody ever called or texted after I left, I kind of just assumed nobody really cared that much about me or thought about me much anymore. So hearing that she of all people was the exception genuinely caught me off guard.

Having been pretty much completely alone ever since leaving some months ago, I was really happy to hear this. And yet I'm also extremely terrified.

Here’s where I’m unsure what to do:

Since leaving, I’ve changed a bit. Aside from now being an atheist, and thus no longer believing in the Borg or the Bible at all, I’m genderqueer/pansexual now, and while I don’t look radically different, I definitely present more androgynous than I used to. Longer hair, different style, etc. Not "shocking" levels but noticeable enough that JWs would definitely clock it.

Part of me wants to text her directly and ask if she’d want to grab tea or coffee and catch up while I’m in town, maybe even be a good friend and actually be there for her during these times. Especially because with a lot of congregation youth, there was always this weird clique dynamic where the really “zealous” pioneer/elder-kid /super-spiritual crowd were treated like the “in group,” while everyone else kind of got sidelined socially. More often than not, she was on the outside of that, and eventually I was too despite auxiliary pioneering and having an elder stepfather myself. So I think part of me relates to her a lot in that sense too. But I also don’t want to accidentally overwhelm her or put her in a difficult position socially/religiously.

At the moment, I’m unsure how to handle:

• how the I would even initially contact her after all this time
• what I would even say in the first message
• whether asking to meet for tea one-on-one is even something I could do
• how to actually make plans in a way that doesn’t create social/religious problems for her
• if there would be some way to safely gauge her on the PIMI/PIMO spectrum
• whether I should avoid talking about the Bible or Organization unless asked
• whether I should avoid mentioning the genderqueerness/pansexuality unless directly asked
• whether my appearance/presentation is going to make things awkward
• how cautious I should be emotionally considering JW culture
• how to navigate the male/female friendship dynamics JW culture creates
• whether contacting her could create problems with her family because of the whole “bad association/apostate” thing
• what I’d even do if I ended up interacting with her younger brother, who I’ve historically had friction with and who still has privileges
• whether I should even risk my presence in town becoming known at all considering how messy things were when I left

Truth be told, I’m really unsure how to navigate the gender/social dynamics around this because of JW culture. In a normal environment this would just be "two old friends catching up," but with the JW culture around male/female friendships, appearances, reputation, and
bad association," it feels way more complicated than it should.

Part of what makes me anxious is that I genuinely don’t know how I’d handle things if I ended up having to interact with her family. Her parents are kind people, but they’re obviously already dealing with a lot right now, and I have no idea how they’d react knowing she was hanging out with someone who left and is basically considered apostate now There’s also her slightly younger brother, who while not a bad person, has a very strong personality and who I’ve usually had real friction with. He has privileges too and could probably be considered slightly less "lukewarm" than the rest of the family, and honestly I would really rather avoid any confrontation or awkwardness with him entirely.

In general, I’d honestly rather not have my presence known in town at all due to the events surrounding me leaving and the people/ideas I could end up being forced to confront again. Especially considering that most people there who knew me would immediately know where I’m staying if word got around that I was back.

Has anyone here reconnected with Old Friends after leaving? Especially when they were potentially in the "lukewarm/questioning" area? Any advice on how to approach this would be VERY Appreciated.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this <3

I’m 23 and have been raised a JW. I’ve had feelings that I was trans since I was 17 and just hoped they would go away but only seems like the desire is getting stronger. I know I would be happier if I just live how I want but I can’t seem to let myself go. I know it’s a lot I have to decide for myself but if anyone has advice I’d really appreciate it!

Everyone under twenty five is getting married in my assembly

And everyone to someone in said assembly or one close by

It's kinda sad to see because it all feels so rushed, even in my old assembly people didn't get married so young so fast

Last year there was a lot of drama because a couple divorced without adultery and so the sister was dissfellowshiped

Another one that just got engaged is a sister just one year older than me(19)and someone I'm close to. it's very obvious that their relationship won't last and that they're mainly together because they grew up together and the feeling of shared circumstances is the closets to love they ever felt but they'll be stuck together because none of them will cheat.

I spent all my life seeing/ hearing of jws marriages go horribly wrong

And yet my mother is starting to get more and more pushy about me getting married or at least courting someone

I think she's scared because my sister left the organization (never officially) because she lives with a man without being married, she thinks that if my sister would just get married she'll be allowed to be treated as someone inactive and not dissfellowshiped

I think she's scared of the same thing happening to me and think that at least if I'm married I'll have someone to "strengthen my faith" or at least just be the link to me and spirituality

I don't know what to do, my friends (worldly) suggested jokingly that I just find another gay PIMO irl and propose a lavender marriage and it's honestly starting to feel like the only option

I could also say some bullshit that I want to preserve myself for god but I know this would backfired and my dad'll send me to bethel or smth (he already tried to fill the application for me)

I planned to not act on my wants to live until I was settled down away from my parents and could think clearly but now this feels like it'll never happens unless I get married or show my parents I have some kind of spiritual project and it makes me a little sick

Should I just pretend to like some guy, court for a while and find whatever reason to not go through with it? This sounds like too much work and makes me feel gross to imagine

Maybe I sound a bit mental but all this discussion about marriage is low-key messing with my head and making me go crazy

Sorry for the rant

I don't think I'll make it through another pandemic at home. A long distance relationship is going to turn into a forever distance, because I'm going to be stuck at home. I'm actually just thinking of killing myself because I cannot deal with this shit again.

hi yall. 28F here, hard faded June 2024. I quietly left because i’m gay and dating another woman.

I’ve had intermittent contact with my mom, and we’ve been talking more lately. She seems okay with it because i’m just inactive. She told the elders on me back in October 2024 when she forced me out of the closet and found out about my partner. No one ever contacted me. My mom has asked on many occasions if anyone has yet contacted me. (PS. The answer is still no.)

She brought it up this week when we were laying on the beach, again I said no. She went home and called one of the elders to ask them why. Apparently, they are unanimously understanding that I wrote in a DA letter. My mom immediately called me to confront me with zero warning the next morning. I told her I didn’t do that, and she said she is going to contact them to get proof of the letter, because she “knows my handwriting to confirm if it was me or not.” I said “even if you do that, and its clarified that I didn’t write anything, I still don’t want them to call me right now”.

I wondered if my best friend out of state who went behind my back to get my hall’s elders information had written something in when I wasn’t honest with her.

Very strange circumstance, and very boundary crossing for my mom to be so desperate about the elders calling me. It’s been 2 years!

I want friends that will understand me and will actually stay with me good and bad and not just bc I don’t wana serve Jehovah they will cut all contact.
I want to feel free of these culty behaviors and just have my own life but it’s so fucking hard cuz I just turned 18 I don’t have anywhere to go and my parents and all family is Jw and all my “friends” too. I have nowhere to go… please anyone who wants to be my friend to finally find a safe place with a new friend I’m here pls …

I have always known that at some point I would leave the organization, but I never thought it would happen this soon.

Like many of you, I had doubts, but I was terrified of them. I still remember feeling unsure during my baptism at 18. Instead of feeling peace, I felt dread that if I was ever honest about who I was, I would lose my family and disappoint everyone around me.

I’m 21 now, and two days ago I came out to my parents. For the first time in my life, I felt honest instead of hidden.

I don’t hate God. I still believe in Jehovah and Jesus Christ deeply. What I no longer feel connected to is the organization itself. My relationship with God feels personal now, and I don’t want to live in fear anymore.

I’m not leaving because I want to go be reckless or “worldly.” I spent years suppressing myself to keep peace with my family and congregation, but it destroyed my mental health and left me feeling empty inside.

The reason I’m posting is because I have a meeting with the elders very soon, and honestly, I’m terrified. I don’t even know where to begin or how to explain myself without sounding hateful or rebellious, because that’s not what this is.

If anyone here has gone through something similar, I would genuinely appreciate advice on how to approach the conversation and emotionally prepare myself for whatever comes next.