r/exjwLGBT

I'm in a very dark place right now, and I don't know if I'll make it through this one. I'm a 37 year old black queer man that lives in a small town in South Carolina. I was a Jehovah's Witness from the age of 11, and I ended up becoming a Ministerial Servant. I fully left the organization a couple of years ago, and I've been trying so hard to adjust to this new existence. I'm fighting for my life right now. I'm so angry, I feel like I could burn everything down. I missed out on so much. I've never been in love, I've never had children, I never got to experience the things that a normal human being should have experienced. I feel completely lost, and I'm really having a hard time imagining that things will get better. I'm tired! I really am! All I want is to have the family I always dreamed of having, but never had. I may sound ridiculous, but sometimes I feel like it's too late for me. I'm reaching out to this community because I really don't have anywhere else to go.

Hi everyone.

I'm 21, and I'm struggling with something that has completely changed my life.

I started dating my boyfriend when I was 16. He was genuinely the kindest, most loving person I've ever known. He supported me through everything, including when I became one of Jehovah's Witnesses. He never mocked my faith. Even now, when we're struggling, he still tells me, "Pray to Jehovah."

I got baptized when I was 18. Over time, I became convinced that I couldn't date a non-Witness because that's what I believed Jehovah wanted. I thought I was doing the right thing, so I ended the relationship—not because I stopped loving him, but because I believed I had to.

After the breakup, I didn't start dating anyone else. I wasn't looking for another brother or another relationship. I just loved him.

Since then, I've started questioning the organization. I still believe in Jehovah and Jesus, but I've begun to wonder whether some organizational rules go beyond what the Bible actually says. Looking back, I feel like I gave up the most precious relationship in my life because I thought I had no choice.

To make things even harder, after we broke up he eventually became involved with someone else, and that has left me with enormous regret. I keep wondering if things would have been different if I hadn't ended our relationship.

I'm not here to attack anyone's beliefs. I'm genuinely trying to understand my own.

For those who are still Jehovah's Witnesses, how do you cope with losing someone you deeply loved because of the religion? Do you ever question whether you made the right decision?

And for former Witnesses, have any of you experienced something similar? How did you process the regret?

As they have come late to the party and brought a knife to a gun fight, we should finish them before they even get started. I love the following tiktok exjw content and would luv to keep pumping these creators to keep winning and dominate the algorithm war on social media, give them a like and follow: seeds.of.awakening, worldy_widower, exjwisaiah, alissasawake, B4icareless, leilajeeks, matthewpittscreat, ba_louise , loveandlight47, joerao, theworldlywoman, apostatebarbie, itsgivingcult, and disfellowdipped just to name a few. Post your suggested favorites too. Fight the "truth" with the real truth and have a laugh along the way to deconstructing and reconstructing. I would say blocking jw press room on everything should help too and dont engage with them because that just pumps their algo even more. Some of this stuff is just common sense and the content is hilarious but also sends the message to people that it really needs.

this is my first post in this community also new account because I don’t want this on my main. kind of just a rant, some of it is unrelated but I can’t really find a more specific place to post.

I’m an 18 yo closeted trans dude. I’ve been POMO for two years now and have tried to move out of my parents household a couple times, but end up back here due to things not working out. I don’t really have a support system, as I lost all my family and friends when I left the cult at 16.

Things have hit me pretty heavy lately since the last time I ended up having to move back home. I feel so trapped and isolated. I feel stuck in an environment of close minded drones of individuals. It’s so stressful constantly having to walk on eggshells. I also have extremely unmanaged BPD due to trauma which makes it very difficult to live in this triggering environment.

I feel so alone and isolated today. My boyfriend of 8 months keeps sending me pictures of him having a great time with his family. Same with my friends. I feel so bitter. “It’ll get better” they say as I rot in my bedroom and watch the years pass me by as I yet, somehow STILL miss out on core experiences other people my age are having while I think about the past.

I’m just tired of feeling like this. And it sucks because that’s all they’ve ever known and simply don’t and can’t understand what I’m going through and then wonder why I’m so snappy and emotional (not using that as an excuse for harmful behavior.)

It just sucks and I guess there was really no point to this post than to say I feel pretty shitty lol

hello everyone, i am a 22yo closeted lesbian living with my jw family. i am pretty much pomo but i still live at home and my family believe that i still believe in the religion and that i will eventually come back despite not attending meetings since i turned 18. its very lonely at home since i dont have siblings or cousins, kts just me keeping everything bottled up inside patiently waiting for an escape. i've known i was a lesbian for years now and i'm just waiting for the right time to leave as i am still quite dependent on my family. i am slowly trying to find community especially other lgbt but its been difficult since i dont know exactly where to start. that's when i discovered this subreddit and thought it would be a good idea to find like minded people. many people dont understand my struggle with religion with the added layer of being a part of a very homophobic family. being a part of this religion has made me feel guilty and awful for being who i am, ive lost friends over this and struggle to form and keep close relationships because i find it hard to like myself. i just want to feel less alone with my struggles, i cant feel like this forever :') i am currently in therapy trying to work through these pessimistic thoughts but i know there wont be substantial progress until i am fully capable of leaving which ends up making me feel worse.

any and all advice on finding community and hope in this miserable situation would greatly help and be appreciated.
thank you for your time <3

18, butch, PIMO. really looking for support.

I'm at the point where I feel like I've failed myself and my future.

I'm alone in my experience, and the non JW online connections I've made have honestly made my life nothing but harder. Everyone else I know is struggling just as much, and I don't know how to ask for help. Most people rely on me for emotional support, when I have no means of emotional or physical support myself.

I've been in an online relationship for a few years, and that has been equally as taxxing and suffocating.

All of my immediate and extended family are JW's. I have no non JW connections in real life that could support me.

I feel more trapped because of the fact that I am mentally disabled as well. I have ADHD and MDD, and I have been homeschooled since highschool. I have not graduated because of my ADHD, to which I've only recently gotten medicated for. My homeschool program is also run by Jehovahs witnesses.

I just don't know what to do. I'm in therapy and putting much effort into trying to benefit from it, but it really doesn't help. I'm lost and alone and people don't understand.

I've never had someone to guide me or look to for genuine support, or just a friend I can be truly vulnerable with. I need help. It gets harder everyday.

I'm trying so hard but I'm losing myself, and the pressure everyday is so much worse now that I'm 18 and I need to figure out how to support myself. I'm unbaptized and time is growing short.

I just need someone to talk to. I need someone to care about me, I need some form of hope. Asking for help here is desperately the last thing I know how to do.

im very lost, can someone tell me what to do? i’ve known i was gay my entire life and i’m still a teenager, baptised as a jw even though i goon to gay videos. i was forced / coerced to get baptised since it’s too dangerous to come out and no doesn’t really feel like an option here?? but a part of me thought baptism would make things easier haha. it’s taken a toll on me mentally: i’m diagnosed with ocd-scrupulosity and anorexia noversa i’m trying very hard to keep everything wrong with me a secret, i just want to know if there’s anyone whose similar to me since this is pretty lonley LOL i can’t leave or come out ill be kicked out and i have no money literally

Happy Pride.
Happy Pride because my children are safer at a drag show than the kingdom hall...
Happy Pride because I’ve never had a queer person come onto my page and tell me their God was going to kill me for living differently.
Happy Pride because I don’t believe anyone should grow up thinking they’re broken simply because of who they love.
Happy Pride because you don’t need anyone’s permission to exist.
Happy Pride because your identity isn’t a sin.
Happy Pride because love should never require hiding.
Happy Pride because no ancient belief system gets to decide whether you’re worthy of dignity.
Happy Pride because you deserve a life that’s built on authenticity, not fear.
Happy Pride because no child should spend years praying to wake up as someone else.
Happy Pride because no one should have to choose between their family and their identity.
Happy Pride because leaving a high-control religion taught me that unconditional love doesn’t come with fine print.
Happy Pride because my children will never wonder if I’ll stop loving them because of what they identify as or who they fall in love with.
Happy Pride because if one of my boys ever tells me they’re gay, bisexual, trans, or anywhere else under the LGBTQIA+ umbrella, they’ll get exactly the same answer:
“I love you.”
And to every queer person who was raised believing God hated them…I’m so sorry.
There was never anything wrong with you.
In case you haven’t yet, I hope this is the year you stop apologizing for existing.
I’m your internet mom and I’m proud of you and I love you. Happy Pride. 🏳️‍🌈

PIMO JW here, I just joined because I'm honestly confused, I need advice, I need help.

So I'm a 21 male, living with my parents, my father is the co-ordinator of the body of elders at my congregation, I am a ministerial servant and regular pioneer ( I'm actually going to my first pioneer school in August )my sister is also a regular pioneer, I was super PIMI, I was supposed to apply to SKE this year and become a special pioneer and hopefully a circuit overseer all my siblings have full time service goals, all of us .

I always had questions, but it was with the organization, I loved the organization, I had issues with Christianity itself, mainly the old testament Bible, and the things Jehovah did, late last year, I decided to do some research on my issues with the old testament, hoping to answer my questions, what I found of even more immoral verses in the Bible, even more death and more immoralities, and i later found some shaky stuff with the gospels and i asked myself " if jesus was some how proven to not be God's son, will i go and serve the Jewish God and wait for his Messiah? " And my answer was hell no !!, the Jews were terrible, the God was terrible, nothing about that guy was loving or good.

So I decided to look into the history, I knew a lot of Gods existed, and I couldn't take the moral high ground anymore with what I know , so I decided to look into the history of yhwh, and I thought if this God is different, the true one, the one to serve, something in the History will show some kind of supernatural event, or something so unbelievable, that's will make Jehovah stand out and that will excuse all his immoral deeds , I research and I found nothing, I found more rubbish, more reasons to doubt, and after a couple months, I came to the harsh reality that I was atheist, but I was still a ministerial servant, I was still expected to preach the "Good news", I was still expected to attend the one week long pioneer school.

I had existential anxiety for a while ,I cried , I contemplated staying in the religion for my family, I regretted doing any research, it was terrible, I decided to research the organization now I am an atheist, but even though I didn't believe in Jehovah existing, my heart was still beating fast when I look up apostate material, my hand still shaked ,i still felt anxious.

Fast forward to today, I feel disgusted by the governing body, I feel sorry for my family and everybody following the watchtower, but I know there is nothing I can do to help them.

I haven't gone out to preach for 3 months now , my father is worried, one elder keeps telling me he wants to talk to me privately, my sisters criticize me, but I just lie that I preach online and conduct studies over groups.

My dad called me last night and told me I must go out for Field service, 4 times a week, and the other 3 days I would work with him in his shop.

My mom knows my PIMO, it was hard for her for a while but he respects it, she advised me to get a job and leave the house, because if I get disfellowshipped while living with them, my life would be HELL.

I tried getting a job, but I am in a third world country, no high end skill, no money, no university degree, no nothing, I am confused, I can't leave the organization or my life is ruined , I can't leave the house because I am broke and dependent, and I can't live a lie , and my family is super PIMI, if I decided to scale down my "spirituality", I would be judged heavy and the talks from elders would be endless, i don't know what to do, I am covered in anxiety, i am scared and my life feels uncertain.

Any advice ?, any help ?, any experiences ?, I need them all

Words can't describe how much that cult took from me.

I'm a woman in my twenties with absolutely no relationship experience. Earlier this year, I finally realized I'm a lesbian, and just admitting that to myself felt incredibly liberating. For years, I genuinely believed I was asexual. Looking back now, I can see just how deep my denial was.

The hardest part is feeling like I have to learn everything from scratch. I don't know how to flirt, how to read signals, or how to let someone know I'm interested. It feels like everyone else learned these things years ago, and I'm only just starting.

There's a girl at college that I really like, but she barely seems to notice me. I don't know what to do, and I don't want to force anything.

I guess the healthiest thing I can do right now is keep working on myself, meeting people, and giving myself time. It just hurts sometimes to think about everything that was taken from me.

I just needed to get this off my chest.

Hi guys! A bit random, but what should be gifted to a teen that has decided to leave jw and celebrate their birthday for the first time ever? (Not heavy, large or liquid, no dairy)

Thank you in advance!