Specifically antipsychotics. The other ones are ok I guess.
They make me fat. The destroy my creativity. I feel braindead.
I can barely form a though with them.
I want to draw, I love drawing, it was so fun, but now I have 0 ideas on what to draw.
I can't make anything now.
Thinking makes me even more tired then before. I am tired most of the day. Can't do anything.
I hate taking antipsychotics.
I hope I don't get any hate for this.
I was pretty convinced I was autistic, but a couple of months ago I was diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder. I was pretty sure I got misdiagnosed, because it was done by a state clinic and those are generally not good. Then, last month, I went to ADOS-2, and didn't get diagnosed. The doctor said that it's much more likely I am just shizoid. The more I think about it, the more I think she was right.
But I struggle. I struggle a lot. No one cares.
I have sensory issues, but no one cares about those if you are not autistic, even if they affect your life very negatively. Doctors don't even listen when I tell them about those.
I have other simptoms of autism, but they are more likely to be separate disorders (like BPD, which I was also diagnosed with) that together look like autism.
I wish I got the support autistic people can get. I wish I got the recognition autistic people get. I wish I could just say "I am autistic" instead of having to list everything I got diagnosed with and explaining what they are, because no one even heard about them. I wish I had at least a chance to be officially disabled, so I had money to pay for my meds without asking my parents to give me some. I wish I got the compassion people have for autistic people. I wish people recognized my life is hard too. I wish I didn't have to deal with my issues on my own without getting the sympathy autistic people can get.
Yesterday I went to ADOS-2 and the result I got was that I am barely on the spectrum, and that might be false in the doctor's opinion.
The thing is.. I have all the signs of autism showing in some way and they affect my daily life a lot, mostly in negative ways.
Could the test be wrong? I copied the examples I was given and the doctor said I was "subconsciously faking" things like not looking in the eyes (it's just a thing I don't do to people I just met or when I am anxious) and that the way I was stimming was not in the autistic way, or my speaking (which I had to learn how to do right) isn't how autistic people talk. She also said that I was pretending to seek sensory input because I said that the piece of cloth I was holding feel really nice and I want to keep touching it.
Does that mean I have multiple disorders that have similar symptoms to ASD? I already have diagnosed schizoid and borderline personality disorders. Does anyone know what other disorders can be similar to autism so I could look into them (like having a special interest, sensory issues and seeking the good sensations, ?