u/I_dun-knowya499

I’m 18F, when I was turned 16(right after) I moved to a new school and there was a teacher 36M. He caught my eyes so quick but I didn’t think anything of it because teacher crushes are a normal thing. He was married and have a child on the way. We become really close but again I didn’t think anything weird of it because he was my teacher and even though I had a slight crush on him this type of closeness was just normal to me. But maybe 6-7 months later he tried to get closer to me, he started talking to me more often texting me in different social medias.Of course for a school girl this was a dream come true.

Anyways we got close and ended up together. Now I just want to make sure that I never wanted him to leave his family or hurt his wife. I tried my best to tell him that this wasn’t a good idea and that I feel ashamed about the situation.I also told him that if anyone finds out about that his life would be over but he insisted that he’s grown and he knows what he was doing and no one would find out so we continued. It lasted months and he cared for me, he listened to me, gave me advices that sounded patronizing but it’s okay I wasn’t a perfect person. Nobody suspected us, because he was such an upright family man and me on the other hand was the exact opposite.The whole thing continued until after the birth of his son. During our time he was quite sexual..asked me for photos and this and that but I never got up and left because I was so desperate.

After the birth, I finally stopped talking to him.However, I can’t bring myself to stop thinking about him or myself.How I almost destroyed someone else’s family and how desperate I was for someone else’s man…even to this day why can’t I bring myself to a stop when we’ve ended a year ago.

I don’t want him back..but he never left me.I’m disgusting and a home wrecker. I should move on and live my life but I can’t.

I’m currently finishing IGCSE and I’m really stressed about what to do next. I want to study abroad in the future (countries like Australia, Ireland, Canada, Denmark), mainly public universities, and I’m trying to avoid wasting time or money because it’s quite an expensive journey.

Right now I feel stuck between A Levels, foundation, and diploma pathways but I don’t fully understand which one is safest or most flexible.My main concerns are

1. I’m not confident A Levels are manageable for me academically

2. I’m worried foundation/diploma might lock me into certain universities or be a dead end.

3. I also worry about visa/immigration changes in the future affecting my plans.

I’ve also considered studying A Levels in another country like Thailand because conditions might be better and I want to leave my current household, but I’m not sure if that actually improves outcomes or just increases costs.

If anyone has gone through this or understands these pathways or know any other alternatives I’d really appreciate any advice <33

Edit : I’m from SEA, I will be majoring in business or International Business. After completing my studies, I do plan to return to my home country to contribute to my family’s business, although I am also open to gaining international experience depending on opportunities.