u/Icy_Resolution2783

Hey! I know this sounds loaded, but I'm asking in good faith.

I used to be almost a full blown pick me for how much I defended me... but now after 16 years of adult experience in the world, I'm massively losing faith.

I want to stop holding things against men that seem quite "biological" in nature. I'm not trying to vent here- I'm listing because I'm sure folks will be curious what I hate.

- I resent that they're so sex focused

- I resent that they're so unashamed of their attraction to young women (older women are equally 'physically' attracted to younger men, they are also in their prime, women are just mature and could not even consider that as an option usually.)

- I resent their obsession with being 'manly', like literally just be a good person and you're automatically a good man

- I resent the obsessive hatred of femininity and feminine things unless they can fuck it

I recognize a lot of this is the patriarchy, and with that, I know I need to try and change my view... but I'm having a really hard time respecting men now.

What are good ways to deal with all these individual resentments? How should I handle when men brings these up?

To be clear: I do love men, I have men in my life who are great, and I want to maintain some respect for them despite all the things and opinions they have that I don't respect.

Details would be great so maybe some gaps between different peoples understandings could be closed.

Do you ask people on a date? Do you think just saying hi is giving the other person the opening?

Do you gotta outside often, have places you frequent?

What clues mean you're interested?

Look! It sucks! Yes, we might not be hideous swamp creatures that have to hide out underground lest the masses be turned to sludge(can't be disrespecting Medusa, the body was tea).

But knowing that you aren't the kind of hot that is going to drive someone crazy, that the love of your life isn't going to be blessed by looking at someone who invokes immediate feral feelings on looks alone... it sucks.

Yes, we can find love, yes we can feel the warm sunlight on our skin..

Yes, looks aren't everything.

Life is certainly worth living even if you're ugly.

But there are some experiences unattractive people will never get.

There is huge amount of people who no-one will get turned on just by looking at. Sure, they can develop feelings, and with emotional intimacy the urge to procreate will happen. The familiarity of someone's face makes them less ugly to you.

But let people mourn being ugly enough that they can truly get over it! So they can finally let go of the fantasy of that attention, and feral desire will be aimed their way. All the experiences they'll never have that they desperately want- experiences that are constantly thrown in our face (hot people falling in love in media)... you gotta feel it go get over any emotion, and co-regulating while you grieve those (potentially shallow but none the less fun) things you want, may help that person to truly move on.

I don't want to hear about how you find your ugly spouses hot, you are just attached, its not the same.