u/Idk-w_2_name-me

(I have posted this on other subredits but haven't gotten much advice so I decided to post it here)

To put simply I am 18F, I go to work, study at uni and babysit my older disabled brother.

Recently a good friend of mine passed away, I have not told my parents yet as they didn't know them,they never bothered meeting my friends. I have been told BY A DOCTOR that I have insomnia, which has gotten worse since my friends passing. So on top of working, studing and going to uni, taking care of my older brother and the passing of my friend I have been very mentally drained and tired. I often lack motivation and struggle to get out of bed most days.

One day when my mother was taking me to work she started ranting about my motivation and energy levels, saying she was disapointed in me for not contributing more and doing more household chores,I do the dishes, do my own laundry and clean the kittylitter for 3 cats. She then told me that my lack of motivation and energy is making her think she needs to see a council worker because she 'doesnt know what to do with me'.

I don't know how to feel about this and I am geniunely upset about the comment, but if I really am the reason my mother needs therapy I would like to know.

I just need to clarify some things. My mother and father both work full time, I work part time during the night and once on the weekend and can’t move out as I don’t make enough. My brother DOES have a caretaker, however he only gets them twice a week and I am at uni those days. I will also admit I sometimes forget to do things like clean the kitty litter due to studying (which was the main reason she was upset with me).

I would also like to point out that I have on several occasions attempted to communicate feelings to my mother over the years, however she often treated me like one of her employees (she’s a retail manager) instead of her daughter. She analyses me more then being sympathetic and it often leads to her pushing the problem back on me and what I did wrong, this is one of the reasons I don’t talk to her about this kind of thing as I don’t want to end up more upset like I usually do when talking to her about my feelings

TL;DR AITJ for being upset my mother said she needed a counciler after I was depressed my friend had passed?

To put simply I am 18F, I go to work, study at uni and babysit my older disabled brother.

Recently a good friend of mine passed away, I have not told my parents yet as they didn't know them,they never bothered meeting my friends. I have been told BY A DOCTOR that I have insomnia, which has gotten worse since my friends passing. So on top of working, studing and going to uni, taking care of my older brother and the passing of my friend I have been very mentally drained and tired. I often lack motivation and struggle to get out of bed most days.

One day when my mother was taking me to work she started ranting about my motivation and energy levels, saying she was disapointed in me for not contributing more and doing more household chores,I do the dishes, do my own laundry and clean the kittylitter for 3 cats. She then told me that my lack of motivation and energy is making her think she needs to see a council worker because she 'doesnt know what to do with me'.

I don't know how to feel about this and I am geniunely upset about the comment, but if I really am the reason my mother needs therapy I would like to know.

Edit: I’ve read the comments and just need to clarify some things. My mother and father both work full time, I work part time during the night and once on the weekend and can’t move out as I don’t make enough. My brother DOES have a caretaker, however he only gets them twice a week and I am at uni those days. I will also admit I sometimes forget to do things like clean the kitty litter due to studying (which was the main reason she was upset with me). My dad used to stay back and watch my brother, however felt useless as a stay at home dad and wanted to work. So when he got his job a few years ago I started watching my brother after school. My mother has the weekends off and does watch my brother then, unless she has other commitments (going out with friends) and my dad stays home on modays to watch him. I usually watch him the rest of the week or if my paretns go out. My brother is a relativly easy person to look after as they only thing I need to worry about is if he has eaten, had something to drink or just make sure he is going to the toilet and has entertainment. So I often spend the time babysitting in the lounge room with him studying.

I would also like to point out that I have on several occasions attempted to communicate feelings to my mother over the years, however she often treated me like one of her employees (she’s a retail manager) instead of her daughter. She analyses me more then being sympathetic and it often leads to her pushing the problem back on me and what I did wrong, this is one of the reasons I don’t talk to her about this kind of thing as I don’t want to end up more upset like I usually do when talking to her about my feelings

For some context I am 18F have two brothers one younger 11m and one older 22m, however, my eldest brother is intellectually disabled and must be cared for regularly. I am often the one that stays home and watches him and I have already based my entire work and study routine around him (I go to university). My mother (44F) has had issues with her family and was kicked out of home at 16, she has a recurring fear of loosing her kids and not having a connection to them due to this.

So as of four weeks ago yesterday, a friend of mine (17f at the time) that I had known for roughly 7 years passed away. We were the kind of friends that weren’t best friends, but we had nicknames for each other and called each other in case of emergencies. She had a liver disease and had to get a transplant, however the new liver rejected and she later passed away before she could get another. Now obviously I felt like shit, I spent several days crying over this.

Her family was originally from china, so she was transported there so she could be buried in her home town, meaning I didn’t get to see her funeral. My mother is NOT aware of this, as I have had issues with talking to her before and she would just push the issue back on me. Along with the fact that my parents have never bothered to meet any of my friends and didn't seem to care about them.

Eventually my friends family started deleting ALL of my friends social media, her instagram, reddit, Snapchat was all deleted within the week after her funeral. Obviously I was a little upset because I had several photos saved in chat on those accounts that I had now lost. I ended up having an argument over text with the mother about it which led to me being blocked from all the family members.

Overtime I have been really tired, between watching my older brother, university work, my job and staying up later due to my friends passing (I have had a doctor tell me I have insomnia prior to her passing and I believe it has made it worse). I kept looking through old accounts and cameras to try and find old photos of her and even painting a small memorial for her. I started skipping some of my uni classes (I did the online work and watched lectures, but didn’t show up for the actual class). I struggled to get out of bed and often debated what would have happened if the liver wasn’t rejected, or if we found a new liver. Over all I was in a really depressed state.

Recently it came the day that would have been her 18th birthday, which obviously was a hard day for me. However I had work and needed the money so I decided to go, my mother had offered to drop me off as she had to take my younger brother out anyway.

This lead to my mother ranting to me about my energy levels and motivation, saying she was disappointed in me for being this way and that it was really upsetting her. She said that I needed to do more around the house, which I already did the dishes, cooked once a week, looked after 3 cats and both my brothers. Along with work and university, I thought I was contributing quite alot but to her I was contributing almost nothing. I didn’t really respond to her, just wanting to get out the car as fast as I could, I wanted to get away as soon as I could. When my mother pulled up at the drop off zone, I went to leave the car, however before I could actually leave my mother said something that really upset me. She and I quate:

“Honestly, I’m thinking about seeing a councillor because of you and this bullshit”

This lead to me crying while I walked the rest of the way to my job, I managed to clean myself up enough to work and not get questioned. But the whole day that’s all I could think about, that my mother thought she needed to see therapy because of me.

I ended up asking one of my close coworkers about it and she said that my mother was way out of line and that if she needed therapy it was for being a gaslighting manipulator. I want to get a couple other opinions on this as I’m still not sure.

AITAH?
Am I the reason my mother needs therapy?