u/Idkwhatunameanymore

Me and my family have been getting into the backrooms again since the movie just came out and I’ve been a wendigoon fan for a long time so I figured I’d watch the new 3 hour one but I’d also never finished the Other backrooms vid he made a few years earlier so which one should I watch first or both? I just don’t wanna watch the old vid and start the new one for half of it to go over the same stuff yk?

So I’ve been out to some close family for a while but I’ve still been going by my deadname purely because I can’t figure out what to name myself. I’d been workshopping Scarlett because that was what my mom was planning on naming me if I was born female and I really wanted to like it because of that reason but it just never fully resonated with me, and I’ve heard it’s kinda popular for other trans women. But recently I’ve been thinking about Jean, a very old fashioned name but it resonates with me a lot because it’s the name of my favorite X-men and both her and that team have always felt special to me and I feel represent the feeling I have really well. And also just today I tried looking up popular baby names from my birth year because I had heard a lot of others use that technique to find they’re names and in doing so I fell upon Maesie/Maisie and I kinda fell in love. I just love the sound and always did enjoy that name, it just sounds so cute and feminine. but I’m not sure if others would agree or think it fits especially because I’m kind of a tomboy and still dress kinda how I did before i came out cuz that just is me, that’s what I’m comfortable in. And being the huge nerd i am I also noticed how much nicknames could come out of it that also fit other characters I love, like I could be called Mae for short or if I keep Jean as like a middle name I could be like Maisie-Jean or I could be called Mj if I keep Jean as a middle name, and it would be close to my old nickname people used with my deadname which was Aj. So with all that running through my brain I’m just genuinely unsure of what to choose. And thought other ladies like me could help, so what do others think? Should I be Jean, or maesie, or both, or none? I’m just not sure.

So for context I am 16 and still currently living with my mom so I’m unable to start estrogen or any form of gender affirming care and pretty much still wear what’s been comfortable for me which might be mistaken for dressing masculine but I generally consider myself a “tomboy” even though I’m also not the biggest makeup wearer and kinda dress like Adam Sandler lol, So pretty much don’t look much different from how I was before I came out.

Anyway, We were getting ready for bed and pretty much out of the blue after she lays down she says something along the lines of “you know, when you don’t really try to hard with how you dress and stuff it makes me wonder if you are right about yourself and if this isn’t just a phase that I shouldn’t be taking this seriously.” And wow! I was like so genuinely shocked, confused, and hurt. i honestly didn’t know what to say for a while. I tried explaining that the way someone acts or looks does not dictate how they feel or who they are on the inside but she just kept going on about how she didn’t mean to make me mad she was just asking some questions but I’m not even mad at her but more just confused and hurt. I’ve made it clear to everyone I’ve come out to so far that I am still the same person who likes the same stuff, dresses the same way, and acts as I always have because that is me no matter what and I thought she understood that.

She has been so sweet as I’ve come out and has being trying her best to use right pronouns and always fixing her mistakes which is why this question was so jarring, not only that but considering the fact she’s been through the same stuff with her parent who we’re apparently really harsh with her when she started making her more alternative style and listening to more edgy artists like Marylin Manson and calling it a phase and guess what? She is still like that to this day. So why is it so hard for her to wrap her head around this for someone else? People who are different don’t owe others any proof or reasoning as to why they are the way they are and I thought she knew that. But yeah, had to get that off my chest as im sitting here in bed unable to get that out of my head, so thanks for reading if you did, I know that was a lot, I’m free to any advice or comments. Am I overreacting?