u/Idont_thinkimcrazy

I’ve been posting here a lot about my ex boyfriend of over 5 years who I caught getting sex workers behind my back. Important context for this situation is that we live together in a rented home with his whole family including his mom (F52) who we will call Tina and his brother (M28) who we can call Todd. I don’t have a family of my own, but I used to.

Growing up it was just my mom (F50) me, and my little sister (F19) My mom was extremely neglectful and harmed the both of us a lot. I effectively raised my sister until she was 15 and I was 22. We were homeless multiple times. I was always working, I had to drop out of high school, and —trigger warning—I was being forced to make inappropriate content for my step dad to sell. One of the biggest factors in making this content was so my sister wouldn’t have to.

It stopped when I was 19 and from 19-21 I was trying my best to support my sister through the pandemic and online learning as well as take my mom to all of her appointments for her medical issues… my whole life up until I was 22 was dedicated to my family.

I couldn’t adopt her after CPS came and she never forgave me. We are no contact and have been for the last year.

This along with some other horribly traumatic experiences left me with a collection of mental health issues. I have been in therapy for years now, and on medication for about half that time. I’m stable and have never been a danger to anyone. I have CPTSD and Major Depression as my main diagnosis. Usually when I’m symptomatic I isolate myself and get really quiet.

My ex’s family categorically rejects that mental illness is a real thing. They have told me over and over that I’m just possessed and need to have the demons removed. No matter how many times I explain they all have the same conclusion: I am crazy because I take meds and go to therapy.

Instead of seeing taking medication as a responsible adult thing to do, they see it as evidence that I am insane. It’s the same if they notice I take more meds than usual or have more appointments or anything like that. In an effort to normalize therapy and meds, I don’t hide anything. If someone asks about where I’m going or what I’m doing I’m honest about it.

That’s why when I started suffering with hallucinations and insomnia and the desire to hurt myself I checked myself into a facility to rebalance out my medications. I was honest about what was happening with me and what I needed to do. Nobody pushed me in. I was keeping to myself a lot… my boyfriend at the time knew generally what was going on but overall I acted as normal as I could around everyone else. I may have been more negative or more quiet than usual if anything.

My honesty was a huge mistake. More evidence that I am deranged and unsafe to be around despite the fact that I have NEVER hurt anyone.

Now, if you’ll remember… a few months ago my ex got sex workers. Apparently this is also my fault. I’ve been trying to work through everything, but the rejection has been absolutely wrecking me. Worse than ever.

Then on Mother’s Day I received a horrible, nasty message from my little sister. It was exactly a year since we last spoke. I got 7 paragraphs detailing how worthless and pathetic I am. Something broke in me that afternoon. I was collapsed on the ground sobbing as I read it.

I’m in the middle of leaving my boyfriend after he cheated on me and the person I love the most just sent me a message validating every single one of the worst things I think about myself.

I have this out of state friend that I met when I was around 13. We’ve always been close, genuinely like a sibling relationship since we met so young. I called him while I was on the floor crying.

It was about 2:30pm, midday, so I allowed my voice to raise a bit in my heavy emotions. I said “why is it that everyone that’s supposed to love me doesn’t” and that my heart was broken, that my hope was dead and that I had no idea what I was going to do when I’m alone and so clearly unloveable according to the people closest to me.

The conversation was about 15 minutes long. I was crying and emotional, but it was cathartic, over quickly and I felt I got the reassurance I needed. I felt better afterward and then forced myself to get lunch alone for Mother’s Day. Just to get out of the house.

That night I found out that my ex’s brother was home and told him and their mom that I was yelling for hours so loud that the walls were shaking. He said that I was talking about how everyone that was “supposed to die wouldn’t die.” And that was going to “destroy everything”. His mom believed this 100% And they both demanded that my ex tell me I have to leave immediately or they’d call the police.

Once they all got home and found that nothing was broken, I was acting completely normally… it just became more evidence for them that I was insane. To them I was acting irate and then normal seconds later when about to be confronted. I’d been gone for hours at that point and had already scheduled an appointment with my therapist and on a better path. Nothing I’d said was something I wouldn’t say with my chest.

I was used, abused, neglected, and now cheated on. I just wanted to cry about my heartbreak with my brother and now everyone is convinced that I’m some psycho.

Now everyone in the house is acting weird around me. They all believe that I was saying those horrible things I would NEVER say and because I’ve been open about my CPTSD and mental health struggles… Crazy is crazy to them, and my CPTSD and his brother’s mishearing me is enough for them all to completely write me off.

I already know I have to leave, but I don’t understand why they can’t just let me leave with dignity.

TL;DR: my ex brother in law claims he heard me say horrible things I never said and now everyone thinks I’m dangerous even though I have never once been a threat to anyone.

I’ve (F26) been posting here a lot about my ex boyfriend (M27) of over 5 years who I caught getting sex workers behind my back. Important context for this situation is that we live together in a rented home with his whole family including his mom (F52) his brother (M28) and a couple others.I don’t have a family of my own, but I used to.

Growing up it was just my mom, me, and my little sister. My mom was extremely neglectful and harmed the both of us a lot. I effectively raised my sister until she was 15 and I was 22 when ultimately I accepted that I was in over my head and had to call CPS on my mother. My childhood was so bad that I’ve been diagnosed with about 7 disorders including CPTSD. I am managing well with medication and therapy and I know how to ask for the help I need when I need it.
My mom had physical custody and I technically lived with them but I was gone working and with my now ex boyfriend so much that I could avoid home for weeks at a time.

In that time my mom and sister didn’t clean at all so the house got hoarder-level disgusting. My mom stopped enforcing going to school and started letting my sister sleep around at random boys’s houses. I couldn’t handle it anymore so I reported everything.
Initially I’d set up a program with CPS that would allow my sister and I to find housing for a while and help finding stable work for my sister once she turned 16 as well as a good high school program that would help my sister go back to school. I’d explained that to my sister for hours with my boyfriend and my brother both in the loop and there when I told her about it.
When the day of came my sister refused to go and elected to go stay with a family friend in the next city over. I spent weeks cleaning up the house because my mom ran hundreds of miles away and the eviction process would cost me thousands being the only person on the lease in town.

CPS in our city dropped the case because the endangered child was now in another city. CPS in my sisters new town refused to give me any information because I wasn’t her parent and had no legal right to any.

I got a second Job to pay for lawyers to try to get custody. I worked with all kinds of programs looking for help but I was hit with issue after issue. I was working 18 hour days and my sister was getting increasingly frustrated and upset with me for not visiting enough and not being there for her enough.
I tried so hard but nothing worked and eventually I resigned to the fact that I had no legal options without having to spend thousands of dollars I didn’t have. No matter how hard I tried, nobody was going to let a 23 year old adopt a 16 year old.

My sister never forgave me for that, and when my therapist recommended I invite my mother to our sessions to try to work through some of my issues.. that was the final straw. My 18 year old sitter cut me off completely.

Honestly I felt and still feel really defeated about it. Nothing I ever did was ever enough and now I’ve lost the person I was doing most of all of it for.
Even though I wasn’t always visiting I tried to still be there. I showed up for big things and dropped everything on multiple occasions to help her with things. I bought and paid for her phone starting from when she was 11 and continued until about 2 months before she cut me off completely.

On Mother’s Day I received a horrible, nasty message from my little sister. It was exactly a year since we last spoke. It broke something in me. I was collapsed on the ground sobbing. I’m in the middle of leaving my boyfriend after he cheated on me and the person I love the most just sent me a message validating every single one of the worst things I think about myself.
I have this out of state friend that I met when I was around 13. We’ve always been close, genuinely like a sibling relationship since we met so young. I called him while I was on the floor crying.

It was about 2:30pm, midday, so I allowed my voice to raise a bit in my heavy emotions. I said “why is it that everyone that’s supposed to love me doesn’t” and that my heart was broken, that my hope was dead and that I had no idea what I was going to do when I’m alone and so clearly unloveable according to the people closest to me.

The conversation was about 15 minutes long.
That night I found out that my ex’s brother was home and told him and their mom that I was yelling for hours so loud that the walls were shaking. He said that I was talking about how everyone that was “supposed to die wouldn’t die.” And that was going to “destroy everything”. His mom believed this 100% And they both demanded that my ex tell me I have to leave immediately or they’d call the police.

Once they all got home and found that nothing was broken, I was acting completely normally… it just became more evidence for them that I was insane. To them I was acting irate and then normal seconds later when about to be confronted.

Now everyone in the house is acting weird around me. They all believe that I was saying those horrible things I would NEVER say and because I’ve been open about my CPTSD and mental health struggles. Crazy is crazy to them, and my CPTSD and his brother’s mishearing me is enough for them all to completely write me off.

I have no idea what to do about any of this anymore.

TL;DR: my ex’s brother misheard me on the phone and is convinced I’m a crazy psychopath and has convinced everyone else the same.

If anyone remembers, I am the woman who found out that my boyfriend of over 5 years was getting sex workers behind my back and told me I had 3 months to make him fall back in love with me. I secretly decided to leave and started taking things to storage, got a new car, and was looking for housing options.

I wish I could say this update was that I’m happy and thriving and found housing. I didn’t. Every housing option has fallen through and it’s becoming clear that I might only have the option to live with my mom. This is such a traumatic thought for me that I’m almost considering staying just to avoid it.

I had a really difficult time growing up. My mom hurt me a lot, and she let her boyfriends hurt me too. It was really bad for me. I can’t be too descriptive, every time I have been the post has been taken down. From the age of 11 I was marketed by one of my mom’s boyfriends. My time, energy, and body were all for sale 24/7 from the ages of 11-19.

This among other things, my mom being disabled, my little sister, homelessness, my father’s addiction to both making children and substances.. I have severe CPTSD.

Living with my mom is risking so so much for me. I’m genuinely worried that I’d have a mental health crisis if I were forced to live with both the failure of my relationship and the trauma of sleeping under the same roof as her.

To top things off my insurance company for my old car has charged my account more than I can afford for cancelling my plan… so now my accounts are all in the negative and the wind has been completely knocked from my sails. I’ve been babysitting and DoorDash and still, I had to ask him to pay $200 of my rent until I got paid again.

He asked me on April 22nd if we were breaking up because I was acting different. When I said yes he just nodded and we talked about it a lot. It wasn’t a good one. I was a blubbering mess. He was sometimes emotional but overall very cold about it.

Weirdly, after that everything was fine. We were closer, laughing more. I almost fell for the face he’d put on until a few days ago.

On the 12th it was the one year anniversary of my sister and I going no contact.

For further context, I raised my sister. Our mom was unreliable and the men around us were dangerous. I did a lot of horrible things to protect my sister and I would do it all again. I did everything I could until I absolutely couldn’t anymore.

In 2022 when I was 22 and my sister was 16 I was forced to call CPS to remove my sister from my mother’s custody. For this and a few other reasons, my sister went no contact with me a year ago. Especially after I’d broken no contact with our mother through therapy. My sister doesn’t agree I should have any contact with my mom- which I agree with for the most part… I work on my trauma healing and the relationship I have with my mom through therapy with professional guidance and it has helped me a lot. It works for me.

My sister thinks I am pathetic for having any kind of communication with her. I promise this is relevant because for the one year anniversary of her going to contact with me she sent me a long nasty message about how awful and disgusting I am and it just… broke something in me.

I called a friend. A man I’ve called my brother since I was 13, and has been watching the situation unfold from out of state since then. I ranted for about 15 minutes about how helpless I felt and how heartbroken I was. I raised my voice a little during the call and I said things like “why is it that everyone who’s supposed to love me doesn’t.” And listed out all of the ways I’d been betrayed.

Cheating.
Lying.
Selling me.
Abusing me.

It was midday, 2:30 in the afternoon. It only lasted 15 minutes, I was in my own room.. I thought I was safe. I was wrong.

That evening, he came home and told me that he wanted to remind me that he felt absolutely nothing for me, that he knows he cares about me deeply but feels nothing and thinks he can’t grow into someone who feels if I’m around. This really confused me and threw me off because we’d already talked about breaking up and both agreed it was for the best.. why remind me of that?

Then, he told me his brother heard me on the phone. I was confused. The entire call was me crying about the things my sister said to me and refuting the claims that I was “selfish”. Why would that have anything to do with his needing to remind me that he doesn’t love me anymore?

Well, according to his brother I was screaming so loud that the dogs were scared and the walls were vibrating. He claimed I’d said things like “everyone who’s supposed to die doesn’t” and that I was going to “destroy everything.”

His mom demanded he end things with me and tell me that I have to leave. They contemplated calling the police on me.

They all think that I’m so psycho that i would destroy everything and say that people were “supposed to die”. I would NEVER EVER say anything like that about anyone. They called me names in the group chat.

Now they’re all avoiding me and not talking to me the same anymore. Even the girls that I love so much. They all believe him. I’ve been very open about my mental health, and how much effort it takes me to not collapse under the pain I’m in.. I’ve gone as far as hospitalizing myself when I knew I needed it once. So they all agree that I’m insane and dangerous and handle me with kid gloves.

All because I was cheated on and wanted to vent about my sister for a few minutes.

It’s been 4 days and I’m still numb. Everyone in my life has completely turned against me and I continue to be alone and unloved.

I’m starting to think I deserve it at this point. Something about me is wrong somehow and I don’t know how to handle it anymore. I have nowhere to go. No money. No people, the ones I do have in my life have either hurt me or think I’ll hurt them.

That’s it. That’s the update. I am nothing. I have nothing. Nobody on the entire planet loves me or even really likes me that much and it’s not going to change anytime soon.

New plan: stay here for as long as I can, work as much overtime as possible and try to make enough money to live without people who keep hurting me. It’s starting to click to me that people who won’t and wouldn’t hurt me don’t exist.

Sorry to be a downer, but I have nothing and I can’t pretend to be happy about it.

It’s been 2 months since I discovered that my boyfriend of 5.5 years was getting sex workers. I wish I could say that I was solely outraged. I wish I could have this attitude of “it’s his loss” or whatever courage women better than me can summon. A huge part of me is still convinced that I deserved it.

But that makes me feel pathetic, so I know that isn’t the path I should be taking. Still, when we are able to act normal, like friends even… I doubt myself heavily.

The doubt hasn’t stopped me from touring places the last few weeks. I found one I really, really like and would love to live in. It would be so absolutely perfect for me, and I’m just really hoping I made a good enough impression that they pick me. I would have 2 other roommates but my own personal balcony in my bedroom and a little storage space, too. I don’t want to get my hopes up because I know that things don’t usually work out for me like that but I can’t help it.

Yesterday, we took a nap together. He napped, and I just watched him and cried. My mom was a huge snorer and he snores in a very similar way. A low rumble more than a breathy sound. It was one of the most comforting aspects of our relationship early on. I have CPTSD which includes auditory hallucinations, and his snores always quieted them for me.

I watched the way his lips moved and was reminded that I’d recorded it in hopes our babies would make those same faces in their sleep. I’d sent it to the email for my future baby, something I’ve had set up since before I found out I’m unlikely to be able to carry kids.

I logged in, found the email, and stuck it in the archive.

And I sobbed. I hugged him and slobbered into his shirt. I’ve done this a few times now, and every time it hurts a little less. I’m equally excited and horrified at the thought that there will be a last time very very soon. Less than a month now.

Today I went to the dealership and financed my own car. It was the last day of the month so I was able to get tons of discounts and deals, it was actually pretty incredible. I currently have -$600 in my bank account and I still managed to drive off the lot with a gently used 2025 midsize suv that will definitely fit my needs for the weeks and years to come.

I’m excited because this makes my move so much easier. I don’t have anything big, but now I’m definitely going to be able to take everything I own without needing any help from him and his car.

The one we had financed together two years ago has been on the decline for the last year. It can’t go far at all and it left me constantly stuck and needing to borrow his car, so now I don’t need his help day to day and I’ll be free of the car that has his name on it.

Unfortunately I have to get the old one repossessed. Which is why moving this month is critical. I will repo this car by the 3rd week of May, before the next car payment. By then, I’ll have already been approved for my new rental and the ding my credit takes from the repo won’t affect my chances of escape at all. Then I’ll have a year of cheap rent, lower car payment than before and nursing my wounds.

My mom is disabled and I’ve started the process to start getting paid to take care of her. I already do things for her a few times a week so it doesn’t change my life much. If I play my cards right I should be able to pocket a majority of that money and start to really get myself together.

So far, that’s my plan. I have NO financial help here, no professional guidance because I obviously can’t afford it… this is the best I could come up with.

I’m ghosting my boyfriend of 5.5 years in 32 days.

I’ve tried posting about this particular issue a few times but it get moderated almost immediately. I noticed someone else talk about their experience here and it made me feel like maybe this sub would be more accepting of this kind of discussion than before.

Flashpoints are:

He was serving time when my mom met him.

He was released in 2019 and he’s still free.

I will never get justice.

I was made to make content, not physically sleep with anyone. In 2019 he made it clear that was the direction things were going and he wanted to be first so I ran away and threatened to report him if he contacted me again.

I will never know what content of me still exists.

Anything further you’re curious about, ask away.

Almost 2 months ago I found out that my boyfriend of over 5 years started seeing sex workers behind my back. We had been struggling with intimacy for a while, he was showing a complete lack of interest in me and it made me feel insecure and depressed.

When I caught him he convinced me that it really was my fault that he had done that. Honestly part of me is STILL convinced that I did something to deserve it. At the very least, I ignored too many red flags and forgave too many indiscretions. He used to decline intimacy and then go to the shower to watch adult content or chat with other women.

Now, he’s put me into a three month trial to see if I can spark anything in him again. I spent the first month trying to rationalize and make it work and put effort into it…. But the longer I sat with it and the more I opened up about it with my friends the more I started to accept that I will not be able to stay.

I’ll never touch him again. I’ll never trust him again. think he’s noticed the distance.

He’s starting to hit things. Frequently. Most of the time if we talk it results in him yelling at me and hitting things, and me crying and being scared.

The second month, I’ve been doing things slowly. I got a storage unit and I’ve started putting things inside of it slowly. He hasn’t noticed that all of my smaller items are slowly disappearing from the common areas. I’m sleeping and spending a lot of time behind a locked door in a tiny office space. I’m so lucky that it’s getting warmer. We usually sleep separately when it’s hot anyway so he hasn’t asked too many questions about it.

This week marks the close of the second month.

Yesterday I toured 2 different places to live that both would like a move in date of June 1st and i have a few more through the end of the month. I should have my decision by the 1st of May.

If I play my cards right, I should be able to get everything out over this last month and leave out just enough that I could pack it all up and fit it into my car in an afternoon. Moving day will be me loading up the car and leaving and never looking back. I shouldn’t have to make more than one trip because everything will be at the storage unit he doesn’t know about.

I’ll be leaving with texts to the girls in the house, my ex future sister in law and the girlfriend of their childhood best friend, letting them know that I love them and will miss them. I’ll be telling them what my ex did so they know that it was an impossible situation to stay in despite how much I love them and this family. I love them all so much and I will never forgive him for ripping them from me. I didn’t just picture him as my husband, I pictured those girls as my bridesmaids. Now there’s no wedding and even if there will be, it won’t be with them at my side.

Most of the day I’m feeling ok and I’m being productive. Every day for a few hours I break down and I just cry and cry and ask the universe what I did to deserve this. Sometimes it’s really hard not to curl up into my ex and let him hold me, even if he’s just doing it to appease me.

The only thing really stopping me is the disgust that floods my body when I think of the lies he told.

Once I decide on housing I’m informing my work and requesting a transfer to a different location so I don’t have to work with anyone who knew him. I have an appointment scheduled to look into options for getting a new car loan so I can get his name off of half of the title of my car and into one that he’s never sat in.

I have about 30 days to figure both of those out, and in the meantime, I’m trying to keep myself busy. I’m going to the gym a lot because I’m just so angry and the energy has to go somewhere other than toward myself. So I just push my body to exhaustion and shower at the gym so the entire time I’m home I’m clothed and likely sleeping.

I’ve developed a flirtation with a new guy friend. Nothing at all serious obviously but we text a few times through the week and have seen each other to hang out and walk the mall or smoke together. It’s been nice to feel like someone enjoys being around me again. I don’t think my ex enjoyed me for a long, long time. We’ve made out a couple of times but neither of us are ready to push too much further. Our lives fell apart at the same time and we both have a lot going on so it’s just nice to have someone nice to talk to about it all. He’s a divorced single father with sole custody of an almost 2 year old girl, so he has just as much to talk through as I do. Not for advice, but just as someone to listen and laugh with and maybe occasionally blow off some steam with some sneaky kisses.

It’s been fun, especially because I’m hurting so much. We’re using each other and for now, I think I’m okay with giving myself this one little bad decision when I’m being forced to lose every single aspect of my life that I enjoyed because of someone else’s poor decisions. I’m not hurting anyone. Not meeting his kid or changing any of my plans to be closer to him or anything like that. Just a couple hours of giggling with a guy I think is really really hot. My whole life is wrapped around my ex and untangling it is so much easier when I’m talking to someone who’s also untangling.

41 days from now I will see the family I loved for the last 5 years for the last time. I’ll be completely ghosting my boyfriend of over 5 years In the middle of the night and in 42 days I will be free of this situation and I can finally begin to heal for real. I have no regrets about it. Maybe I should. Maybe in a few years I’ll feel differently but right now all I want to do is disappear and never look back.