u/Ilikeclowns-16

When my ex initially discarded me, she told me she was sorry for hurting me and didn’t want to hurt me more than she already has. But then after she saw how devastated I was and how I reacted, it’s almost like she hated how upset I really was and became very very cold and almost cruel in how she acted.

Like refusing to discuss anything deeply with me, making me travel 4 hours to exchange our things, I had to travel to the event we were going to go to together because she refused to compromise at all. It felt like she was rubbing it in my face. It was awful. She knew how upset I was and I just got absolutely nothing. It was such a sudden change.

Do you think my ex would ever understand how much she hurt me or how cruel her actions were? I’m very far in my healing, but I always just wonder.

It’s like, every month my serotonin drops and my brain connects serotonin back to my ex. So even though I’ve been fine for a while all of a sudden I’m back to being fixated, and I miss them. Like if all of a sudden they came back I’d be fine.

My pmdd loves ignoring the fact that my pmdd during the end of the relationship was absolutely unbearable because they’d gone from lovebombing, to consistent, to very inconsistent, and I was absolutely miserable and taking whatever affection from them I could. I started feeling like I was experiencing pmdd all the time because I was so reliant on their attention. I told them how their inconsistency was making me feel and they mentioned something about trying harder for me, but she still broke up with me a week after my pmdd made me cry in front of her for the first time and she said something like “well if you’re crying over nothing, we don’t need to talk about it right?” And just sat and watched me uncomfortably, even though she knew I wanted reassurance and hugs.

It was awful, and the entire time I blamed myself for being so crazy and asking her for a little reassurance during pmdd. I felt like I was pushing her away. I was in denial because I couldn’t understand how such a wonderful girl was making me feel this way, so ofc I had to be the issue.

Why does my pmdd forget all that ?? 🥲 it just feels like it reaches into my brain and finds anything that it can use to torment me, and makes me feel uncontrollably miserable about something I might be able to shrug off at any other time of the month. It pulls up the really happy memories and when she was actually supportive about my pmdd and said it’d never make her leave me. I have no idea if pmdd contributed because she broke up so suddenly and told me I did nothing wrong, but still.

I know I’m so much better off without her, but currently it’s hard to understand that emotionally. At least I know it’s just hormones.??

Headaches, very intense snow and light sensitivity.. the sun is out so I’m living indoors for a little while until it settles down 😭 I’m so tired !

Been 6 months, even though my feelings are settling, ever since the discard I’ve just had intense brain fog and I can’t handle my emotions at all.. everything is stressful and exhausting… I’m struggling at university even though I’ve been working so hard and all the time. Sometimes I’ll just suddenly remember how the discard felt with a super intense memory and the pain is like it happened yesterday, though this feeling does fade.

Any tips.? Does it ever get better.? I want to apply for an extension but my reasoning being a breakup from 6 months ago just doesn’t sound right. I’m hoping this person who I’m having meetings with to help me with autism will write a convincing letter for me