u/Ill-Preparation-4504

Hello! Would love some insight or advice on my problem:

Recently sustained an ACL tear that needs surgery, which also means I am no longer allowed to do basically anything. I used to eat 2,600 calories a day because I was weight training, doing gymnastics, and training for a marathon. Even at 5 feet 4 inches, 67 kg, and with most of my clothes being a size small or medium, I ate a lot because of my training output and the amount of muscle I had on (46% muscle mass and 25% body fat according to a TAYLOR scan). However, now that I am injured, my exercise activity thermogenesis has gone down significantly, and I don't know how to deal with it. The first few weeks, I was eating out a lot and drinking a lot of boba tea because my friends are awesome and just kept on buying me food because of my injury. Because of that, along with the fact that I'm only allowed to do about 2 body weight exercises and 10 minutes of light walking a day, I lost a lot of muscle and gained some visible fat in the last 6 weeks.

So I've been trying to go on a small cut because 1) I can only wear shorts or tights with my knee brace, and they're starting to feel a little tighter than usual, and in this economy, I don't want to go out and buy some bigger pairs; and 2) I have to stay relatively healthy and at a normal weight for my surgery.

Right now, through a simple RMR + NEAT + TEF + EAT, I calculated that my daily energy expenditure for my height, weight, and activity level would be around 1800/1900 calories a day. So I calculated my slow deficit to be around 1600/1700 calories a day, with at least 120/130 grams of protein.

The issue with this is that:

1. Even though I'm really familiar with high-volume eating because of some past experiences doing some bodybuilding seasons, I've never been on so low a caloric intake.

2. My cravings get really intense, no matter how full my stomach is or how strategically I allocate my macros to maximize the satiety benefit of protein, fats, and carbs accordingly.

Some days I can power through it, other days the food noise is too loud. I eat SO MUCH fiber, and that seems to help a bit (around 60 grams a day from beans, oats, psyllium husk, flaxseeds, chia seeds, and fruits; I weigh and track my food), but I still can't seem to get rid of the food noise completely. Some days it's so loud I can't focus on work or doing anything else I love to do. It sounds so drastic, but I know many people who can just deal with hunger and go about their days (ie, my brothers). I can usually go throughout the mornings and evenings okay, but once night rolls around, I am basically just fiending for food-and not even unhealthy food. I crave sourdough, cottage cheese, beans, soup, popcorn, yogurt, strawberries, broccoli, you name it.

I know I can't drop down my calories anymore because I need to fuel my healing process, but I also want to keep at a healthy weight and still fit into my clothes. I know you guys aren't doctors, but I would love some advice, hacks, or any similar experiences!

ok, hear me out, I know the title makes it sound like ITA.

Basically, I (F19) recently got accepted into a really competitive training/assessment program that starts at the beginning of June. If I pass, I immediately start in the position. It’s a really good opportunity, I’ve wanted it for years, and I’m so, so grateful I got it.

However, my family wants me to postpone the assessment so we can take a trip overseas to visit my grandparent with dementia. I truly understand why this matters, and I do feel very guilty because I know time with them is limited.

The problem is that I’m worried that postponing could affect my chances in the program or make me seem unreliable, since everything appears to be very scheduled and competitive. I suggested that I visit solo later on in the year on my own with my own funds once I’m more stable with work, but my family wants us all to go together now.

Part of why I’m frustrated is that my family has spent a lot of time traveling and organizing things around my siblings' schooling and career opportunities, and because of that I honestly haven’t seen them much in months. To me, it feels like they’ll schedule everything around the sibling who they feel has a more “worthy” job or opportunity and don’t see mine as “worth it” or “valuable” enough to consider in the scheduling. At the same time, they’ve been pushing me for a while to get a job (with full time university) and figure out my future. Now that I have found something I genuinely want and worked really hard to get into, they want me to potentially risk it for this trip. Another key point is that I don’t think they fully understand how competitive and inflexible some jobs can be, because most of the work they’ve done has been more flexible/supportive with time off and scheduling.

Side note: I have given up a job in the past to have more time to take care of this relative, so it’s not as if I’m detached. We are close enough, but sometimes it’s hard. I don’t need to be appreciated for the work I do to take care of someone who needs it, but sometimes I wonder if I am giving too much of myself to please my parents.

I feel torn because I understand my family’s side, and I don’t want regrets, but I also feel like this is a very rare and important opportunity for my future, and not something I can easily move around. I really hate disagreeing with my parents or going against their wishes because they've given me so much and (i feel like) know so much more about life.

Anyways, I feel like a complete douchebag even considering staying, and I feel so entitled even complaining about the opportunity to travel with my family.

AITA? What do I do? How do I approach this situation or future conversations?