u/Illustrious-Site-491

To preface this, they (21M) are my (23F) heart and soul and I love them very much. We’ve been dating for over a year, and moved to long distance for uni (however I’ll be moving back this year). Today is my partner’s birthday and while I didn’t forget the specific day, I still wished them a somewhat late happy birthday. However these past few days have honestly felt like a blur but despite that, I was still aware of the date today - but it was kinda like my mind didn’t make the connection that this is THE night before. I was messaging my partner and I even messaged them at 12:00am that I loved them and complimented them because I just felt like it, however IT WAS LITERALLY THEIR BIRTHDAY I FORGOT TO WISH THEM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I was left on delivered and thought oh maybe they’re distracted or something and they’d reply later and then I looked at the calendar and I fucking realised what time and day it was. (I will explain why this is a big deal in a second)

I could try and justify it by saying oh I didn’t forget the birthday I just didn’t wish it on the dot and blah blah blah but in my heart I realise I could’ve actually done something. I was lazy, and retrospectively I realise there was so many things I could’ve done. Preset the timer, pre-write the message, literally just be aware it was about to be their birthday. I know they would’ve never done me this to me, but I did. The reason this is such a big deal is because this is quite literally the only thing I could’ve done for them today. They told me no gifts (I’m broke asf and they just feel bad), instead they told me they’d rather something handmade or an experience together when I see them and not to ship anything and so I didn’t. So the only REAL thing I could’ve done for them today I messed up.

They didn’t even try to make me feel bad about it but I could hear it in their voice that they were sad about it and it’s tearing me apart. I don’t know what to do to make it up to them (can’t send them anything cause they’d get mad about me buying them a gift cause they made it VERY clear they didn’t want anything - I ordered something for them a couple weeks ago and when I told them they got very upset.)

Anything I could do feels like me making up for a mistake but not a true genuine appreciation of them. I just don’t know what to do 😭, I sent them a long paragraph apologising for the late birthday wish, telling them the little things I love about them, how I want to plan and celebrate their birthday because they do deserve it, how special they are and another happy birthday. They haven’t seen it yet and they’re sleeping but if anyone has any advice please help 😭😭😭

What can I do throughout the day that doesn’t feel like a half assed attempt at making it up? If you were on their end how would you feel? What would you appreciate if this was you?

Thank you so much and I’m sorry if this is messy I can’t sleep cause I feel so guilty

TLDR; I forgot to wish my partner happy birthday on time even though this was the only thing I could’ve ACTUALLY done on their birthday. I feel immensely guilty and need advice on what I can do throughout the day or even upcoming days to make it up to them.

To preface this, they are my heart and soul and I love them very much. However these past few days have honestly felt like a blur but despite that, I was still aware of the date today - but it was kinda like my mind didn’t make the connection that this is THE night before. I was messaging my partner and I even messaged them at 12:00am that I loved them and complimented them because I just felt like it, however IT WAS LITERALLY THEIR BIRTHDAY I FORGOT TO WISH THEM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I was left on delivered and thought oh maybe they’re distracted or something and they’d reply later and then I looked at the calendar and I fucking realised what time and day it was.

I could try and justify it by saying oh I didn’t forget the birthday I just didn’t wish it on the dot and blah blah blah but in my heart I realise I could’ve actually done something. I was lazy, and retrospectively I realise there was so many things I could’ve done. Preset the timer, pre-write the message, literally just be aware it was about to be their birthday. I know they would’ve never done me this to me, but I did. The reason this is such a big deal is because this is quite literally the only thing I could’ve done for them today. They told me no gifts (I’m broke asf and they just feel bad), instead they told me they’d rather something handmade or an experience together when I see them and not to ship anything and so I didn’t. So the only REAL thing I could’ve done for them today I messed up.

They didn’t even try to make me feel bad about it but I could hear it in their voice that they were sad about it and it’s tearing me apart. I don’t know what to do to make it up to them (can’t send them anything cause they’d get mad about me buying them a gift cause they made it VERY clear they didn’t want anything - I ordered something for them a couple weeks ago and when I told them they got very upset.)

Anything I could do feels like me making up for a mistake but not a true genuine appreciation of them. I just don’t know what to do 😭, I sent them a long paragraph apologising for the late birthday wish, telling them the little things I love about them, how I want to plan and celebrate their birthday because they do deserve it, how special they are and another happy birthday. They haven’t seen it yet and they’re sleeping but if anyone has any advice please help 😭😭😭

What can I do throughout the day that doesn’t feel like a half assed attempt at making it up? If you were on their end how would you feel? What would you appreciate if this was you?

Thank you so much and I’m sorry if this is messy I can’t sleep cause I feel so guilty

I’ve had some really difficult circumstances over the past month and a half, however I am finally starting to see the light at the end of this god awful tunnel!! On an unfortunate note though, everything is due now :(

If anyone has experienced similar concerns or perhaps has more information such as a staff or if someone who works in special con is able to provide advice that would be amazing.

I am finding it incredibly difficult to submit my assignments on time and prepare for quizzes and I am considering whether special consideration can help me and to what extent. I’m doing an arguably very rigorous degree and so these circumstances have been especially impactful. Something I am also worried about is whether or not these would even be considered and whether they are severe enough.

To briefly describe them, it includes ongoing financial difficulty being exacerbated during the last month and a half, sudden quasi-carer duty of a sibling on the autism spectrum (whilst on the higher functioning end of the spectrum, I’ve had to suddenly take on a LOT more responsibilities and provide support that I have never done before without any preparation or help), and other commitments I’ve had to maintain such as my job and competitions I had signed up to prior to these events. These issues kind of snowballed together into one big mess. This was caused by my parents leaving the country for sudden family issues and everything kind of fell on to me. Not to mention with how expensive flight tickets are from Australia (especially last minute 😭) and the fact we’ve been struggling since before then already, they weren’t in any place to help financially, or help my brother as they usually would physically. It’s been a really really rough period of time and the amount of all nighters I’ve had to take to not completely and utterly fall behind is mildly concerning.

I am wondering if a statement of facts would at-least grant me a couple of days for each of those assignments? Or would I need to meet with a professional like a psychiatrist to assess just how much this had impacted me? Would the uni be able to provide anyone to assess my state? I am currently struggling financially so paying an expensive fee to meet with someone is something I will most likely be unable to do.

Besides this, would they potentially let me re-attempt an assignment I submitted late and kinda sucked? I did so before I was aware special consideration covers more than sickness or someone dying.

While the actual special con had a word limit, I also attached my full proper explanation as a word document (around 1400 words going into great detail explaining everything) so I’m hoping that adequately met the requirements since I couldn’t find anything online for what they wanted besides the very basics.

Note: I wrote this incredibly sleep deprived so if it doesn’t make sense I apologise