u/Imaybeabitstupid9824

I started taking naps a lot more during the time I was hurting myself, more specifically to AVOID hurting myself. I remember when I’d feel overwhelmed, I’d take a nap, and usually it made me feel somewhat better. Though in the mornings I’d also feel the want to stay in bed and not get up, the only things motivating me were the fact my parents were already up and running, and I wanted to see my favorite guys at school.

A few years have passed, and although I HAVE gotten better: I don’t hurt myself like I used to, and—though I still get overwhelmed—I can calm my anxiety down more effectively, I still feel the urges to just stay in bed. All the time. Would I even call those urges? I sleep so much more now, and even when things are going well for me I still imagine myself lying in bed rotting away. I want to be under the covers, I don’t want to get up to eat, sometimes I skip lunch because I’d rather take a nap and lay down then getting up to do things. I try to occupy myself with work and things to do but I feel like it’s not enough. I want to move out just to have the excuse to just lay in bed and rot away. I have things I want to do for my future, I want to start a family and I want to keep seeing my partner every day. But I just want to go to sleep. I don’t want to wake up.

I feel like it’s kind of a stupid question to ask. But I don’t know. I have better days now, I have no reason to be feeling this way. But I just don’t want to get up from bed, at least sometimes. It’s weird. But I also don’t want to blame it on my depression. Maybe I’m just being a bum 😕

This…guy, that I’ve known for a while keeps doing things that are either just mildly annoying or completely asshole-ary.

I already had trouble with him before. We made amends and he properly apologized and said he’d get better and he was TRYING to get better, I forgave him, and believed him. But, it feels like he’s only been doing it to ME, but everyone else he’s just so…hypocritical. I HATE hypocrisy I can’t STAND it, and he’s so involved in drama with literally anyone I know. He treats my friends like shit: he belittles one guy I’ve known since high school and recently showed his true colors to a friend of mine who had to vent to me because, he told her off in front of EVERYONE around them that she was childish when she was just trying to play with him a bit. The friends i associate myself with play with each other a lot, we’re a little offensive, but we know we never mean anything of it. But this guy, this GUY tells me he can’t tell the difference—which is understandable—but becomes so agitated and aggressive and doesn’t even talk to them properly about how he feels. If you’re going to be passive aggressive just fucking STOP TALKING TO THEM, stop trying to treat MY friends like shit. But OHHH HE GETS TO MAKE OFFENSIVE JOKES, HE gets to pick at my friends but the SECOND they do it back he gets so fucking ENTITLED. “I don’t like it when you do that I’m offended” okay, then tell us that properly, you’re old enough you’re an adult, you can SPEAK UP and tell us what’s bothering you, we won’t make any offense to it, we aren’t hellspawn. If someone doesn’t like something? We stop. Common sense. But he makes it so difficult and complicated—why even hang around if you’re going to take everything negatively?? My friends like this guy, but I’ve been recently just…not been able to STAND him. He says WE’RE immature?? When he actively had been making racist jokes to this one chick he knew who TOLD HIM she didn’t like it when he said stuff like that in front of her, but he DIDNT CATCH THE HINT.

Let’s not even DISCUSS the shit I went through with this mf. Blaming me 24/7, spammed my phone of I didn’t pick up a millisecond early and GOD FORBID I tell him anything that’s bothering me because then it’s MY FAULT. AND he belittled me, ALL the time—I couldn’t say anything about him but HE could even when I felt like it wasn’t okay. I understand he’s apologized but do I still want to talk to him after making me life a living hell? No! Do I like him for making me feel like I wasn’t worth a dime and I wanted to attempt because I WASN’T WORTH ANYTHING? NO! and yet, and I can’t believe he even did this—he LIED, about HARMING HIMSELF. And I KNOW he lied because there was nothing on his wrist where he supposedly “cut pretty bad”. It hadn’t even been a week (and I know it takes maybe even LONGER to heal because I DID IT.) 3 DAYS AT MOST and his wrists were SPOTLESS. He said this in front of a few mutual friends of ours and they may not be saying anything or thinking about it but I AM. I feel horrible because I’m actually rethinking of he’s ACTUALLY talking to a therapist like he says he is.

This is the same guy who admitted to ME when he had a fight with another guy we know, that “I lie to make myself sound interesting”.

PROOF, RIGHT THERE—HE ADMITTED IT TO ME RIGHT THERE HE LIES FOR ATTENTION. I don’t want to hate him but he makes me so fucking AGITATED, the way he speaks to my friends and always has some type of fucking attitude when we call him out on something shitty he did. Yeah, he doesn’t act that way around me anymore, I guess, because there were ACTUAL REPERCUSSIONS TO THAT INCIDENT, but he HASN’T CHANGED. I’m afraid he won’t change especially towards other people. He’s a fucking dickwad and a HYPOCRITE. He’s told me dozens of times that he hates people that lie to him, he HATES IT. But guess who also lies?? HIM! And he feels he’s so ENTITLED to everyone’s personal lives too? The incident he had with my other friend—I don’t talk to him much but I at least check up on him—and apparently this MF was bitchy and mad because he wasn’t telling him about his love life? WHAT?? Are you stuck in middle school dude?? What are you on?!!

I don’t get it. I don’t get it and I feel like I’ve known this is just who he was ever since we made “amends” with each other. I don’t have his contacts and you KNOW I try not to hang with him—just us two—he makes me uncomfortable. He makes me feel weird. I don’t want to accuse him of anything, and I don’t want to say anything about his mental issues because he CLEARLY has some, but he also tends to lie about that too. I know he does, it’s the way he talks the way he discusses it. I don’t have direct proof but I KNOW it in my gut he’s pulling some other bullshit.

I’m gonna talk to my therapist about this next week, really discuss, because this shit has been on my mind and today really solidified for me that this guy’s just a fucking dick.

And I REALLY want to cut him off, but he’s so engraved into our friend group idk wtf I’m supposed to do. I may talk about this with a close friend of mine who’s mutual with the guy, but idk, I don’t want him thinking I’m just being an asshole either.