I normally forget peoples faces and find it too boring to visualize them after like a month of me not seeing them.
my LO just posted on instagram and its fucking killing me. i keep checking it, what the hell is wrong with me.
why does prom exist
I really like the ones he used in his older vids. with the dark shadows, shit was nice.
i dont thinks its complementary I have complementary it cant be that.
ive been struggling with this girl that i love. and i thought she might like me back. and i really paid attention to her in class and shit. i thought she was fkn 100% perfect, and to this day i have no fkn idea how she isnt. but yet i know everyone has problems and struggles.
i loved this person so much, that i became uninterested in porn. i really just wanted to have moments with this person, not sex, but a hug or something.
limerence made me uninterested in porn because of that, it also made me realize that i should better myself for this perfect person. and i started working harder because of it.
all of this came with the depression and severe anxiety i experienced over the past 2 months. i realized that limerence existed and i became self conscious.
i tried to beat this limerence by hating on my LO. kinda works and im less obsessed but its really hard because i was imagining a reality where i was with this person for the past 2 months.
as my limerence got worse, my habit of porn came back. and yesterday i relapsed after 2 months of not doing it. and i watched it again today.
now im fucked with limerence, porn, depression, anxiety, loneliess, low self esteem and regrets.
i dont know what to fucking do anymore. im 16, and all this shit made me miss school 3 days in a row. and my mom came to me this morning crying, asking me whats going on with me and shes worried about me.
i cant tell her about my problems. so i just ended up promising i would go to school tomorrow.
i fucking hate myself, this shit genuinely ruined my life. i dont know what to do anymore. if i kill myself then my mom would probably do the same thing.
im not gonna hurt other people more. idk what to fucking do.
help
I was sick yesterday and today, i grinded all day and got 4 shorts pumped out.
scheduled til sunday. im just gonna make long form vids and study for school in peace now.