u/ImmediateSet8023

Odd how everyone had spoken highly of you before I had even met you. And when I did, it was a fragile ego covered in misogyny. What a disappointment, I thought at the time, and I could not hide my incredulity from you.

I’m sure you have tried to make amends since that very first poor impression, but looking back I know what has happened. It was I who had the standards. The one who expected you to meet them as it befitted your rank, but not your station. Standards of civility and gentlemanly behaviour. Standards that you could not meet as you played your teenage games and gossipy boys club. Trying to control your friends at your whim and to protect your insecurities.

I’m no longer dimming my light, just to tread carefully around a paper tiger. Continue to stare. Continue to be intimidated. Continue to feel frustrated. Wear your sunglasses when it’s too bright. You’ll never eclipse a sun that shines too brightly.

…when you cling on to me so much?

You don’t want to break this war of attrition but you don’t want to step up and speak to me.

Interrogating my friend about my activities with your friend doesn’t help matters. You don’t control him. You don’t control me. Let me go.

If you’re so interested in me, you have my number. What is it about my honesty that frightens you? You’re a teenager in a grown man’s body. Man up or leave me the hell alone. None of this mixed signals bullshit.

I need to close the book on us. You’re an unhealthy hook and clinging on to me like this is utterly repellent. At the end of the day, your actions count and watching me silently is creepy, icky and bordering on the stalkerish.

Your character, not your rank, matters in life.

I don’t know if this has taken a life of its own, but the gift you showed interest in wasn’t meant for you and interrogating my friend about it is a mind your own business moment.

My friend said that your friend has picked up the gift, and I wonder if your friend has forgiven me. I’ll find out later this week.

That is all. The gift has nothing to do with you. Maybe if you were nicer to me, you’d get one too but it’s all spilt milk now.

Stop intervening and involving yourself. He may be your friend but you don’t control his life. I’ve never come across someone as paranoid and so much of a control freak like you. You don’t need to know everything. Fuck, you’re nosy.

You’d better start de-institutionalising because I don’t know how you’ll start living amongst us normal people.

I went for a run with a friend last night. That felt good. Just to unload and tell her ever so slightly about my problems with you. She agreed with me that you’re a notorious gossip that belies your appearance. She has been surrounded by cliques all her life - as I have. But she can selectively tolerate her different circles. I can’t. I can’t tolerate yours especially you as clique leader.

I still haven’t heard from your friend so I guess it’s another impasse. That gift was because of my faux pas - nothing more, nothing less. But you squirm because of it. Excluded? Jealous? Then again you have thought the worst of me when we first met and now you’re back-pedalling. And since then, I’ve realised I haven’t been critical enough of your behaviour.

But the gloves are off. I don’t reward poor behaviour. You are no gentleman. They placed a halo around your reputation and that was the worst thing that they could have done.

I expected more from you. But you’re not all that. You have a fragile ego. Your lack of communication is your downfall. The others are realising that. See how they avoid you. You are leader in title only. But in character, you hide behind others. A coward. Uncertain of who he is without his titles, perks and trimmings.

So next time I see you, stop staring at me. Staring at me won’t compel me to speak to you. My walls are up. No more of this. Grow up and tell me what you want. Because I can tell you what I definitely want, and it ain’t pretty for you.