u/Important_Local2284

I have already tried for years to get along with these people but the family system is full of gossiping behind each others backs, pretending to take interest and have concern only to get info to gossip about, blaming the in-laws and long term partners for “taking too much time with them and their adult kid”, talk down about codependency in couples, and then lose their shit and act weird if i’m not at a get together or two with my partner.. I go to a lot of their shit to make my partner happy, but there are some things where i’m like nah.. I just don’t feel up to all the socializing and tell him to go w/o me. They have an issue with THAT too. So IDK there’s so much more too but it’s not about that. This is just back story to how these people are.

Anyways this morning I ask my boyfriend “hey, what time are YOU going to your parents house today? I think i’ll stick back and just clean up around here and prepare for the week ahead.” He had barely any reaction, was very calm and told me the time and said thanks for doing the tidying up.

So the time is here where he’s supposed to beheading over there. He says to me, okay let’s start heading out. I thought he was joking. I reminded him of our convo in the morning and he effing LOST IT. “WHAT you NEVER told me that” “I CANT BELIEVE THATS HOW YOU WERE GOING TO TELL ME” “YOU NEED TO CHANGE (Be more social and family oriented) OR GET OUT (of the apartment i’ve lived at for the last 7 years). When I tell you he was LIVID. He was saying he was done with me, didn’t know what to do anymore. That I don’t make an effort. I don’t try. On and on. I essentially go silent and start disassociating. He mocks me and says “yep go online and write all about this and talk to your online strangers”. I genuinely just am looking for support from outside perspectives, even if I am wrong. He also shouted “WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL EVERYONE? THAT YOU DONT CARE AND WONT-PUT IN THE EFFORT?!” I asked him why he cares so much about what other people think and to just tell them I had stuff to do today. He goes on about us having very different values etc.

He leaves without saying bye. Then texts me that he’s sorry for yelling, but again, he just doesn’t know what to “do” anymore. (Idk.. how about respecting my boundaries and that I can be a little introverted and need time to myself would be a start).

Would you break up with your partner for not going to every single hangout at your parents house?! If they went to every wedding, birthday, baptism, holiday etc?

I won’t go into too much detail but my marriage is hanging on by a thread and was just threatened to divorce if I don’t “change” aka go see his family more.

Mind you- we just went on a small multiple day overnight getaway with SIL and her bf and my husbands cousins. Then two days after my husband went out with his family again to a big event. Now the family is asking for us to go over for a BBQ today. It’s all too much for me and i’m not used to constantly feeling like I have to be around the in-laws or even my own family that much. It’s just a difference in how I was raised and I am an only child. When I try to explain this, husband yelled at me and told me to “get it together or leave”, That “I don’t try at all” “we have different priorities and morals and values”. “Stop giving excuses” when I try to calmly level with him and hold my boundary. He won’t hear any of it. He left to go over there now and it ended really intense.

He also said to me “what am i going to tell everyone?! That you are lazy and don’t care about them and don’t want to try?” I asked him why he cares what other people think (it’s not that big of a fucking deal imo just say that i’m busy but say hello).

I can’t take this anymore every time the in-laws start popping up more and more I feel like I need some breaks in between visits and events. My husband is totally intolerant and is angry as F*ck at me.. it’s getting to the point where I’m actually extremely anxious prior to letting him know that I’m not going. He mocked me before he left saying “oh go run to reddit and talk to internet people” when all I am looking for is some outside opinions and solidarity because I genuinely feel like i’m going crazy.

Like I can appreciate and respect that some people have families that make a huge deal out of soccer/world cup etc. and the traditions and what not. But oh my good god am I getting tired of A) hearing a game on the tv super loud for what feels like all day- literally morning to night, “what’s the score” and “ohhhhh’s” and repeat until this is over. Groundhog day.

Then my husband can’t be assed to do anything or plan/show interest in planning something the two of us could do while he’s off work outside of the cup and scrolling on his phone/refreshing ticket master. He is unable to hear anything that doesn’t directly have to do with the cup right now. Will put off any plans I try to make or hint at, but will conjugate with his brother to purchase 2 thousand dollar tickets to go to (yeah you guessed it) the game.

He was literally gone ALL day today buying a jersey and out and about seeing family (totally cool, have fun) but when he called me on his way home he was pissed off that I hadn’t waited to watch “our” show together for when he got back home. He’s been gone for like 5-6 hours. To assume someone wouldn’t want to watch something or have entertainment in that time is crazy to me. He sounded genuinely pissed and quickly got off the phone with me once he heard I watched the episode lol.

Sil and her weird boyfriend are convinced after making up scenarios that I am manipulating and brain washing my husband, (SIL’s brother). (this narrative is based on literally NOTHING bc we barley see them enough for them to even remotely form anything accurate). I took distance because they were essentially triangulating, being passive aggressive and then outwardly just aggressive, mean, mocking me to my face, talking behind my back and much more. There is nothing I can think of that i’ve ever done to deserve this.

They see him less? Must be her controlling him and convincing him we are bad people.

Dh lets it slip that we are in couples therapy? I am an evil DIL who is obviously trying to brain wash!! /s

DIL compliments MIL cooking? She’s a b*tch who’s lying and being overly fake.

DIL makes a pointed joke back after SIL or her boyfriend throw digs all night? We must get up from the table and storm out at once.

I protect my peace by keeping an arms length from them, now i’m the bitch who thinks she’s better than everybody, is not family oriented and is trying to ruin the family.

OMG…. it’s endless!!

I am a good amount younger than her and she behaves in ways towards me that are absolutely appalling and for no tangible reason?! You’d think if there were a decent reason to hate me, SOMEONE would know something right? It’s because she has this weird hate/obsession/frenemies thing going on for me and it makes me so uncomfortable. It is 100% one sided and i’ve always tried to be nice and polite.. and friendly! She will act nice to my face but behind my back she’s insane.

She loses her mind when she sees anyone getting along with me and her voice goes up like 3 pitches and she chugs down her wine acting all out of character and anxious. 😬 And i’m just… literally being normal.

The newest thing is she makes fun of me every time I post on social media. If it’s a photo of me for example, she goes running around to anyone who’ll listen that “she doesn’t look like that in real life/in person”, “it’s so obnoxious/pretentious/weird/cringe etc. She says it to her boyfriend who’s 45 and should be more mature than to join in, and her daughter who is now having severe self esteem issues of her own recently(shocker).

These posts of mine are very far and few in between, and nothing inappropriate or offensive.. sometimes i just like how my hair came out or i liked my outfit or were out at some event.. I can literally see that she’s not only viewing everything, but is always one of the first people and she purposefully doesn’t like it or interact like I do for her.

It’s starting to make me feel like quitting social media completely, but then I’d feel like she got what she wanted. Would it be shitty if I just blocked her from seeing my stories altogether?