u/Important_Local2284

Has anyone seen her stories with that new girl she’s seeing?! At first I thought it was that girl who she met through Riley at a shoot, but then I realized this is a totally different girl! They look like they could be legit related omg 💀🤣

Also whoever is dumb enough to start hooking up w her fully knowing that they’re getting love bombed and then will be subsequently thrown in the trash after like a month, is brain dead. Sure she’s probably charismatic but I would steer clear from her just based on her history.

Idk what’s wrong with Ava mentally that she keeps doing this??? It’s like she is obsessed with the newness/flirting and the chase but cannot for the life of her commit to one person??? This is a toxic pattern that she refuses to even attempt to stop/learn from and go to therapy… and no going to church for a few sunday sermons doesn’t count💀She tried to be serious with bai I guess, but she cheated on her multiple times and got violent when confronted. I fear she might never change.

They make the new partner target number 1 and will try everything in their arsenal to break you up, control how much time you spend together, become more needy and controlling, hoover, overstep and take offence when you don’t feel comfortable giving them all of your private life’s details up to them to twist into strange narratives to use against you/get flying monkeys to get riled up and hate you because you’ve unintentionally upset poor vulnerable MIL or IL.

My MIL is losing her shit now because i’ve completely closed myself off once I saw the way she and everyone operates, how toxic the entire structure is etc. I stay to myself, I don’t talk about anyone ever, not even to my spouse at home. I focus on my own life. They sit around at tables shit talking me behind my back. Nothing I do will ever be good enough and i’m realizing that’s not because of me- it’s because i’ve ruined the enmeshment/hierarchy but simply not playing ball.

If I compliment something the mom makes or does, i’m apparently fake and lying and don’t actually like it.

I take notice and say something little like, did you switch up your lipstick? The colour on you is really good, I like it. Now apparently i’m again, lying and being mean.

Or she will mention that her and her eldest went shopping and found some really nice anti aging skin serums that are usually expensive on sale. So when christmas came (we got everyone stuff from Sephora for their stockings) we put in a really nice serum that I knew about that I thought she would love to try. Apperantly now i’m calling her “old”.

Like geez… maybe it’s like i’m trying to teach you that everytime you cross or disrespect me needlessly, show traits of increasing unkindness, bullying and distain to the point where it’s palpable in the room, for NO ACTUAL REASON other than that shit is different now- does not fly.

They do the whole play stupid act too when they know that they are sly snakes. So I just act like i’m clueless too and gaslight them back 🤭 I am not going to be the one to bring up that there is an issue even if they bait me to. They are passive aggressive and have it out for me and so they can identify the issue if there’s a valid one.

It’s always “Oh is she coming?” or If I *don’t* come, to preserve my mental health, it’s “why isn’t she here, there must be trouble in paradise/impending breakup/other made up narrative”. And my personal favourite “Did we do something wrong?” (Yes and you know it).

When does it begin to click that if you treat me like shit we are simply not coming around you?? Husband will stop by on his own here and there but we won’t be sitting around at your house just for fun, reaching out to plan stuff, or looking for more opportunities to spend time w you all if you keep treating me like shit. Actions have consequences.

One of my adult siblings in-law and her husband are going on a trip for a few weeks and get this, MIL decided that this called for everyone, the rest of the adult kids and their spouses and kids to gather at her house for a farewell luncheon. A farewell luncheon. For a vacation.

MIL hates her husband legitimately but will never divorce him for god knows what reason.

She has told my husband that his dad essentially can’t get it up due to prostate issues? GROSS and extremely private and rude thing to share about somebody without their permission, especially to your adult kids.

She sends group text to all of her adult kids about how she and FIL are having a fight and that he left the house, took the car and she doesn’t know where he went.. Like mam… what do you expect us to do or say?! This is who the guy is and you’ve known this for years.. either suck it up and stop complaining or leave his ass! And even better yet, speak to a therapist! We don’t want to hear about your marital spats.. and surely my husband is emotionally exhausted from years and years of this, also! His entire mood dropped when she sent that message and you could just see how stressed out and worried he got.
Then she says I just wanted to let you know in case I “do something”. So vague and weird thing to say.. really added even more stress to all her kids bc it sounds ominous.

They are constantly asking if we want to go with them here or there, to do xyz activity… like please leave us the f*ck alone on some of the weekends! Jesus. We are all our own adult individuals who are all married.. let us have some space… they think their entire lives should be spent with us! I wouldn’t mind here and there- but the frequency they want is way over the top for me.

They spam my husbands phone asking ALL. THE. TIME. And I have to be the bitch who says yeah… I don’t really want to go do that on my weekend babe when he would probably have been happy to as they walk all over him and he was born into this/sees it as his normal. He’s such a people pleaser and they just take advantage of that to get him to be around way more than is honestly reasonable. They already roped him in on sunday to go to something but just now they message asking us to spend our saturday over there with them.. let us breatheeeeee

The main issue though is that I am labelled the controlling, isolating, bitchy wife who came and ruined their happy family by needing some space and breathing room!

Asking if we want to go with them here or there, to do xyz activity… like please leave us the f*ck alone on some of the weekends! Jesus.

They spam my husbands phone asking ALL. THE. TIME. And I have to be the bitch who says yeah… I don’t really want to go do that on my weekend babe when he would probably have been happy to as they walk all over him. He’s such a people pleaser and they just take advantage of that to get him to be around way more than is honestly reasonable. They already roped him in on sunday to go to something but just now they message asking us to spend our saturday over there with them..

Mil and sil have complained that we’re codependent and “never see him” mind you in the last two weeks he’s seen them 5 different times, two of those I was there too. Still not enough apparently.

Now he came back from a stupid dinner over there with like 300 different plans with them made… taking his nephew to a show, renting an air b&b getaway? and going to some other game thing on the weekend.

I mean, i understand that some families are more enmeshed and close, especially certain cultures- but I was raised so differently/independently. And in no way am I saying my husband should not be seeing his family btw- it’s more so the frequency and now being out on the back burner because they’ve complained.

Husband acts like making 1:1 plans with me is like pulling teeth/too expensive to eat out etc. But will buy 50$ tickets or 250$ deposits on the spot if his sister asks him to go to some shit. It’s maddening

I have already tried for years to get along with these people but the family system is full of gossiping behind each others backs, pretending to take interest and have concern only to get info to gossip about, blaming the in-laws and long term partners for “taking too much time with them and their adult kid”, talk down about codependency in couples, and then lose their shit and act weird if i’m not at a get together or two with my partner.. I go to a lot of their shit to make my partner happy, but there are some things where i’m like nah.. I just don’t feel up to all the socializing and tell him to go w/o me. They have an issue with THAT too. So IDK there’s so much more too but it’s not about that. This is just back story to how these people are.

Anyways this morning I ask my boyfriend “hey, what time are YOU going to your parents house today? I think i’ll stick back and just clean up around here and prepare for the week ahead.” He had barely any reaction, was very calm and told me the time and said thanks for doing the tidying up.

So the time is here where he’s supposed to beheading over there. He says to me, okay let’s start heading out. I thought he was joking. I reminded him of our convo in the morning and he effing LOST IT. “WHAT you NEVER told me that” “I CANT BELIEVE THATS HOW YOU WERE GOING TO TELL ME” “YOU NEED TO CHANGE (Be more social and family oriented) OR GET OUT (of the apartment i’ve lived at for the last 7 years). When I tell you he was LIVID. He was saying he was done with me, didn’t know what to do anymore. That I don’t make an effort. I don’t try. On and on. I essentially go silent and start disassociating. He mocks me and says “yep go online and write all about this and talk to your online strangers”. I genuinely just am looking for support from outside perspectives, even if I am wrong. He also shouted “WHAT AM I GOING TO TELL EVERYONE? THAT YOU DONT CARE AND WONT-PUT IN THE EFFORT?!” I asked him why he cares so much about what other people think and to just tell them I had stuff to do today. He goes on about us having very different values etc.

He leaves without saying bye. Then texts me that he’s sorry for yelling, but again, he just doesn’t know what to “do” anymore. (Idk.. how about respecting my boundaries and that I can be a little introverted and need time to myself would be a start).

Would you break up with your partner for not going to every single hangout at your parents house?! If they went to every wedding, birthday, baptism, holiday etc?

I won’t go into too much detail but my marriage is hanging on by a thread and was just threatened to divorce if I don’t “change” aka go see his family more.

Mind you- we just went on a small multiple day overnight getaway with SIL and her bf and my husbands cousins. Then two days after my husband went out with his family again to a big event. Now the family is asking for us to go over for a BBQ today. It’s all too much for me and i’m not used to constantly feeling like I have to be around the in-laws or even my own family that much. It’s just a difference in how I was raised and I am an only child. When I try to explain this, husband yelled at me and told me to “get it together or leave”, That “I don’t try at all” “we have different priorities and morals and values”. “Stop giving excuses” when I try to calmly level with him and hold my boundary. He won’t hear any of it. He left to go over there now and it ended really intense.

He also said to me “what am i going to tell everyone?! That you are lazy and don’t care about them and don’t want to try?” I asked him why he cares what other people think (it’s not that big of a fucking deal imo just say that i’m busy but say hello).

I can’t take this anymore every time the in-laws start popping up more and more I feel like I need some breaks in between visits and events. My husband is totally intolerant and is angry as F*ck at me.. it’s getting to the point where I’m actually extremely anxious prior to letting him know that I’m not going. He mocked me before he left saying “oh go run to reddit and talk to internet people” when all I am looking for is some outside opinions and solidarity because I genuinely feel like i’m going crazy.

Like I can appreciate and respect that some people have families that make a huge deal out of soccer/world cup etc. and the traditions and what not. But oh my good god am I getting tired of A) hearing a game on the tv super loud for what feels like all day- literally morning to night, “what’s the score” and “ohhhhh’s” and repeat until this is over. Groundhog day.

Then my husband can’t be assed to do anything or plan/show interest in planning something the two of us could do while he’s off work outside of the cup and scrolling on his phone/refreshing ticket master. He is unable to hear anything that doesn’t directly have to do with the cup right now. Will put off any plans I try to make or hint at, but will conjugate with his brother to purchase 2 thousand dollar tickets to go to (yeah you guessed it) the game.

He was literally gone ALL day today buying a jersey and out and about seeing family (totally cool, have fun) but when he called me on his way home he was pissed off that I hadn’t waited to watch “our” show together for when he got back home. He’s been gone for like 5-6 hours. To assume someone wouldn’t want to watch something or have entertainment in that time is crazy to me. He sounded genuinely pissed and quickly got off the phone with me once he heard I watched the episode lol.

Sil and her weird boyfriend are convinced after making up scenarios that I am manipulating and brain washing my husband, (SIL’s brother). (this narrative is based on literally NOTHING bc we barley see them enough for them to even remotely form anything accurate). I took distance because they were essentially triangulating, being passive aggressive and then outwardly just aggressive, mean, mocking me to my face, talking behind my back and much more. There is nothing I can think of that i’ve ever done to deserve this.

They see him less? Must be her controlling him and convincing him we are bad people.

Dh lets it slip that we are in couples therapy? I am an evil DIL who is obviously trying to brain wash!! /s

DIL compliments MIL cooking? She’s a b*tch who’s lying and being overly fake.

DIL makes a pointed joke back after SIL or her boyfriend throw digs all night? We must get up from the table and storm out at once.

I protect my peace by keeping an arms length from them, now i’m the bitch who thinks she’s better than everybody, is not family oriented and is trying to ruin the family.

OMG…. it’s endless!!

I am a good amount younger than her and she behaves in ways towards me that are absolutely appalling and for no tangible reason?! You’d think if there were a decent reason to hate me, SOMEONE would know something right? It’s because she has this weird hate/obsession/frenemies thing going on for me and it makes me so uncomfortable. It is 100% one sided and i’ve always tried to be nice and polite.. and friendly! She will act nice to my face but behind my back she’s insane.

She loses her mind when she sees anyone getting along with me and her voice goes up like 3 pitches and she chugs down her wine acting all out of character and anxious. 😬 And i’m just… literally being normal.

The newest thing is she makes fun of me every time I post on social media. If it’s a photo of me for example, she goes running around to anyone who’ll listen that “she doesn’t look like that in real life/in person”, “it’s so obnoxious/pretentious/weird/cringe etc. She says it to her boyfriend who’s 45 and should be more mature than to join in, and her daughter who is now having severe self esteem issues of her own recently(shocker).

These posts of mine are very far and few in between, and nothing inappropriate or offensive.. sometimes i just like how my hair came out or i liked my outfit or were out at some event.. I can literally see that she’s not only viewing everything, but is always one of the first people and she purposefully doesn’t like it or interact like I do for her.

It’s starting to make me feel like quitting social media completely, but then I’d feel like she got what she wanted. Would it be shitty if I just blocked her from seeing my stories altogether?