u/Impossible-Bid-3073

I have twin 14 year old boys. A lot older than most people on this sub it seems, but hoping for some advice.

They've generally been pretty close and gotten along well which I'm grateful for. However they are complete opposites and lately I feel its become an issue.

One of my sons is very quiet, reserved, keeps to himself. Does very well in school. On the sensitive side, wears his heart on his sleeve kind of guy. Of course I have no problem with that. Very much a homebody, doesn't have a whole lot of friends, just a few people he talks to at school.

His brother is the opposite. Very sociable, lots of friends, does many activities. Not as great in school but does okay. He's a teen and can be a little rough around the edges and jokes around a lot but deep down still a sweet kid.

I just feel the sociable one is leaving his brother behind. He has his friend group and things he likes to do separate from his brother and that's great of course but he's just not as close to his brother as his brother is to him.

For example their birthday was recently and the quiet one got his brother a very nice, thoughtful gift that wasn't super cheap. And his brother got him something fairly generic and cheap I feel like just to say he got him something. Later I saw the card the quiet one gave his brother it was very sweet and he told him he loved him and thanks for always being his best friend and it was just really nice. I could tell my one son was a little hurt by his brother's seeming lack of care about his birthday.

I feel like the quiet one wants to hang out with his brother more but his brother isn't that interested. For example we have a basketball goal by our garage and I've overheard the one ask the other if he wanted to play or something and he would say no he's busy or tired or whatever. He just always seems too busy for his brother and sometimes almost gets a little irritated at him always bugging him as he would put it.

I'm just not sure how to approach this. The sociable one isn't being straight up rude to his brother, and I don't want to force them to hang out cause I'm sure that could backfire. I do wish the sociable one would be a little more sensitive to his brother's feelings though.

For the quiet one, I do feel in some ways he should work more on being his own independent person and make his own friends and find activities he enjoys and I kind of do want to encourage him to put himself out there more. But I don't want to imply being sensitive or quiet is bad, he might get hurt if I think there's something wrong with the way he is.

I just feel they both have something they could work on. The one being a little more caring and sensitive towards his brother's feelings since they are family. The other one could use a little nudge to chart his own course. I just don't know how to approach this without hurting feelings or causing more tension between them. Any tips?

My little brother is 14. I'm 24 (male). A little bit of an age gap I know. My mother had fertility issues. I got married this past weekend.

It all started when I asked my little brother to be my best man. He said yes. I asked my dad to be a groomsman and he also said yes. When my mom found out she told me I should have asked my dad to be my best man. Here in rural, southeast USA it is somewhat of a tradition, but not as much anymore.

I explained to her that despite our age gap my brother and I have always been close. And while I appreciate my dad and the way he provided for and lead our family, he's very old school and he's just never been a very affectionate and caring person so I just never felt as emotionally close to him. She said that didn't matter and it was "tradition" and I probably offended him. She also said my brother is 14 and that's too much pressure for a boy and he's an introvert and he probably felt forced to do something he didn't want to do.

I talked to my brother and explained some of the traditional things a best man does like stand beside me and give a speech and all that and I told him he didn't have to do all that if he didn't want to, he would still be my honorary best man, but he said he wanted to.

As the wedding got closer my mom said she asked to see his speech but he said no and I needed to read it beforehand or at least get someone else to read it beforehand to make sure it was okay. She also said he had been stressing over it and it's too much pressure for him and I should just get my dad to do it. I said no, and I said he didn't have to show anyone if he didn't want to. She said he's just a boy and we need to make sure he doesn't say anything too crazy or awkward at the wedding. I said he's 14, not 6, he's fine.

When he gave the speech I could tell he was a little nervous. He cried right much during the speech and had to stop a few times to collect himself. He told some stories and told me I was his best friend and he was really going to miss me and it was going to be hard without me at home with him every day.

Overall I thought it was a nice speech and I consoled him a bit afterwards and he said he was sorry for crying so much but I told him it was okay and I really liked his speech. I will be living 30 minutes away so I assured him we could see each other often.

The next day I talked to my mom and she went on about how he "ruined" the vibe of the wedding with his speech and "all that crying" and it was embarrassing and he didn't even mention the bride which was rude and she said she told me he wasn't going to be able to handle it and I didn't listen to her. And how I "forced" him to do it when I knew he didn't like being in front of people.

I told her I thought the speech was great and it made sense he focused on our relationship. I asked my now wife and she agreed it got a little uncomfortable but said he's just a kid and it was really sweet how much he looked up to me and she felt all the guests were very sympathetic and understanding and thought it was nice.

AIO?

He's 13. We were never huge on co-sleeping, occasionally he would crawl in bed with us, but he stopped doing that at about 7 years old.

Last night he asked if I could stay with him that night. He seemed a little nervous or embarrassed so I just said yes and tried not to make a big deal out of it.

So we got into bed and I tried talking with him a bit. Asked about school and other things and got a lot of "fine" and "good" one-word answers.

Finally I ask "anything going on bud? Something you want to talk about?" He said no, he was fine and "you can go back to your bed if you want I don't care." Sounded very irritated with me. I said I was fine where I was. We kinda stopped talking and went to sleep after that.

Right before I fell asleep I could feel him scoot closer to me in bed and then he put his arm around me and kinda hugged/cuddled me. I pretended to be asleep because I thought he waited cause he was embarrassed to do it and was hoping I wouldn't notice.

I fell asleep like that but this morning when I awoke he was back on his side of the bed. He seemed relatively normal this morning. I gave him a nice, bigger hug than usual before he left for school. Eventually he pulled away and left for school.

Not sure what else to do. I feel like something is up but he won't tell me. Any tips? What if he asks again tonight? Keep doing it as long as he asks?

I'm a single mom, my boys are 12 and 14. The youngest is on the autism spectrum. Not the extreme end or anything.

They were wrestling yesterday. The younger is really into it. The older doesn't mind putting his brother in his place. He's gentle though and will let his brother win for a while before he takes over at the end.

The older had "won" that round by pinning his brother on his back. And when his brother got off of him the younger was lying on his back and there was a pretty noticeable "tent" in his shorts. He had his thin pajamas pants on so it was fairly obvious.

Now I thought that would be the end of it and he'd excuse himself or at least adjust himself but he proceeds to get up and tackle his brother and go for round two. I'm not sure if he didn't notice or just didn't care. I thought it was pretty awkward but I didn't want to shame anyone so I didn't say anything. The older continued to wrestle with him. I don't know if he didn't notice or just chose to ignore it or what.

I know it's normal to start happening at that age. I just don't want his brother to become uncomfortable if he were to come into contact with that. I feel like since his brother is older and bigger he's not scared of speaking up if he was uncomfortable but I don't know, he could have been embarrassed.

I don't want to embarrass anyone, just with his autism I feel he may need a little more guidance on what is socially acceptable. I'm sure he doesn't want his mom talking to him about that. Maybe I should talk to his older brother and see if he noticed and maybe let him handle it brother to brother.

Or maybe I should just stay out of it since they are brothers and they are at home in a safe space and I should let them define their comfort level with each other. Any thoughts?

My son is 15 and of course I feel terrible for him that he has to go through this. Not that anyone should but I'm sure it's especially hard at his age. He had one of his removed about 2 weeks ago. We've had some conversations and while of course he's struggling some, he does seem to have a good head on his shoulders about the whole thing. As much as can be expected.

I don't want to get into too many details for privacy reasons but I recently became aware that apparently he showed his (male) best friend what he looked like "down there."

My wife is pretty upset about it and told me I needed to have a talk with him about privacy and boundaries and all that.

Maybe I'm underreacting but I don't feel like it's that big of a deal? There was no touching and I feel like it was just a little curiosity on his friend's part and it was just my son's way of coming to terms with it and sharing his issue and struggles with his friend and I'm almost glad he has someone his age he feels close enough to to be this open with about his diagnosis and treatment.

At the same time given his age and all maybe a conversation isn't the worst idea but I really don't want to embarrass or shame him so I'm trying to tread lightly here. Any thoughts? Also I don't think this matters at all and I'd be perfectly fine if he was gay but he definitely seems straight by the way he's talked about girls and stuff. I just say that to say I don't believe there was any s-xual intent there.