Idk what’s wrong with it, everytime I hit it it does this and doesn’t let any smoke out. How do I fix this it was working fine and then all of a sudden it just started doing that
Starting off with a little introduction and context;
I’m a 18 year old girl who was raised spiritually, but I never fully believed in what my parents were teaching me until recently (about 2 years ago, when I first got a chakra cleanse) ever since then, I’ve been trying to do so much research on different types of spirituality and philosophies but I feel like I’m being performative even though I’m just trying to figure out who I’m meant to be.
I just need a bit of guidance on where to go from now, maybe some books to read and just some advice of some sorts, thank you.
I don’t understand why I do this to myself but I’ve been struggling a lot with excepting my sexuality, but it isn’t like me at all.
I’ve always been open about me being attracted to women and my family has always been extremely supportive of that. For some reason I feel like I need to prove to myself that I don’t like men because in my head it’s impossible that I wouldn’t like them but I’m very aware that I’m a lesbian I just hate it.
But the worse part is that I HAVE proven it by trying to date men and all that stuff.
The last time I kissed a man I was trying to force myself to like it but I just ended up imagining him as a girl I had feelings for at the time. I don’t like men but it’s like my brain is forcing me to WANT to like men.
I hate that I seem so proud of being a lesbian on the outside, but I’m having this huge battle with myself on the inside. I feel like I’m faking who I am but I know damn well that I never want to touch a man again and I’ve only ever had feelings; like REAL feelings for women.
What is wrong with me? I think I’m still somehow in denial after YEARS of being out.
I need advice please
Just a little introduction; I’m a 18 year old girl who’s been struggling with mental health issues for a very long time, I’ve been diagnosed with generalized anxiety and depression but I’ve been getting way better this year. I only have 2 classes in highschool this semester and I’m graduating in not even 2 weeks. I used to struggle a lot with self alienation and other things of the sorts but I really did get better this year, I got on new pills, I’ve been so happy, I have amazing friends and I’m a loud extroverted person who can talk to anyone.
Here comes the problem:
When ever I get a second alone, I completely forget how much I’ve changed and healed. I feel so alone even with people around who support me.
The minute I’m in my room about to fall asleep I feel all my bad thoughts coming in and it drives me crazy. I haven’t been able to cry in such a long time and I think it made me feel more numb than anything. Like I feel nothing. I hate this feeling more than anything and now I have to get a new therapist because the one I went to for more than 6 years has an age limit to her clients.
I feel so alone. I can’t even clean my room or get up sometimes. The only way I’ve been helping myself is by making art which helps a lot but it doesn’t change the feeling of a pit in my stomach.
If anyone could give me advice on how to fix this it would mean a lot.