Big Ole Fat Vent.
I have been working as a nanny for about six years now and I have come to notice that many parents want to be their child's friend more than they want to be a figure of authority.
Now I completely understand the desire to want a better upbringing for your child in comparison to what you had, but “love” is not a form of parenting.
I have noticed that there is a general lack of boundary enforcement and a large number of people are operating under the assumption that their children are incapable of maintaining standards and expectations. I see there is not a lot of respect towards authority figures in general, because they have not had to regularly encounter one.
I know fun is important for a child's upbringing, but boundaries are significantly more valuable. You want your children to know how to hold firm on their own boundaries while still respecting those of others. They provide a sense of safety and general guidelines for behavior and social interaction.
It's sad to see people expecting so little of their children, as they grow up having everything done for them, there is not much they can do for themselves. There is no tolerance to frustration and discomfort, and the ability to use their imagination to find things to do has been almost completely wiped out. They have hundreds and thousands of toys, games, and activities, but all they want is their tablets and have little to no desire for independence.
Your school aged child is not a baby.. I will not treat them as such. It is ok for them to experience discomfort and frustration. They actually need that to become sufficient problem solvers.
“No.” Is a complete sentence and does not need to be repeated. You want your child to internalize that for future use. “no” does not mean bargain, bribe, or negotiate. It means no.
It is ok to let your child be bored and have nothing to do sometimes. They will learn to use their imagination for play, or they will find something they are interested in. Let them explore and be bored.
Listening to audiobooks is listening to someone read. Your child is not actually reading. They are listening. Parents, its actually your job to teach your child how to read. I recommend at least ten minutes of reading per day. Make it routine, not punishment, and not a bribe for some other activity.
Children are much more capable than they are given credit for. Just give them time to struggle through something. Life isn't all sunshine, rainbows, and ease… It's hard, messy, and requires effort. It's your job to instill these skills into your developing tiny human. You cannot protect them from the difficulties of life. BUT YOU CAN GIVE THEM THE SKILLS TO MAKE THINGS EASIER AND PUSH THEM TO BECOME SOLUTION ORIENTED PEOPLE.
Let your kid be a kid. Let them experience discomfort, they don't need distraction. They need that unconditional love and support to turn to when they experience those feelings. Discomfort can't be avoided. It will just come up some other way.
By shielding them from the discomfort of growth, you are stealing their independence and unintentionally harming their development.
I am so glad to be leaving this profession soon, it's heartbreaking for me to witness this learned helplessness so often. ATP I almost feel like parents are just having children because feel they are supposed to or want a BABY not a full human.