u/Independent-Snow-23

I know the more traditional spelling is Callan, but I don’t like the harder A sound and it seems more difficult to say.

We’re having a baby boy and still haven’t come up with a name. We both uncommon names and like this name but not sure if it’s too different.

Thought nicknames could be Sunny or Mit.

For some context- we’re very outdoorsy people. I and all my siblings have uncommon names and have always loved that. My husband and his family have the classic white Christian names and he said he wished his was more unique. So we definitely want something different, just not sure how different.

So just wondering if there’s really anything to be done about this. SS is 17 and extremely difficult behaviorally. He’s been getting even worse lately and has been just ignoring whatever his dad says. Will talk back to teachers and tell them off. Won’t listen in class and just plays games on his computer.

We check his phone as he got in trouble for discussing bringing weapons to school and found some troubling texts from his step-dad. He was telling him not to ask permission for things from his dad, but just to do it because what is he going to do about it?

For some background, his mom and step-dad aren’t exactly stand up people. Both have been in legal trouble, step-dad has been to prison twice for non-violent crimes, but still prison. Step-dad never went to college and neither have held the same job for more than a couple year. Huge part of their income is the CS check. We have 50/50 placement.

His dad and I are engineers (PhD and Masters) so we’re very academically focused and try to push SS in school. He isn’t required to do any work when he’s at his mom’s, they let him try alcohol, stay up until 2 am on school nights etc. With us, he’s in 1 extra curricular a semester (his choice of activity) and works a part time job on the weekends. We’re trying to create a functioning member of society, and they’re trying to create a HS dropout.

SS is pretty smart at baseline but is just now refusing to do any work. He won’t do assignments and is borderline failing every class and is currently failing one. But he’s also very lazy so he obviously prefers to be at his mom’s where no work is required. At this point, college is out of the question, we’re just trying to get him to graduate hs. He won’t do anything we say, and the most we can do is take away his gaming computer because he doesn’t do anything else. But consequences don’t seem to bother him. He also lies about everything even easily provable things like he finished his homework or didn’t take money out of his dad’s or my wallet (we have cameras in the main rooms of the house for our dogs).

But how do you manage the other household trying to actively sabotage his behavior? His step dad is actively telling him to be disrespectful and do whatever he wants. He’s a legitimate criminal so would rather not confront them directly. SS has been an absolute misery the last 3 years and gets worse every year.

And yes, he’s already in therapy once a week for the last 10 years. He lies to the therapist regularly though and we’ve tried switching to different ones but hasn’t seemed to help.

For context, we live in the Midwest (US).

Below is what we’ve narrowed it down to so far, but open to suggestions. We’re going for a less common name.

Callen, Remington (Remy), Summit, Dresden

This is a little bit of a vent post and a little bit looking for advice.

But I’m 25 weeks and SS (17) still doesn’t know I’m pregnant. BM is an actual nightmare so we don’t want them knowing anything about what is going on in our household. It feels like an invasion of privacy.

I rarely interact with SS, and he’s the least perceptive person I’ve ever met so he hasn’t even noticed (even though we’ve been renovating the extra bedrooms into a nursery and I’m obviously pregnant at this point). I’d rather not tell him until as late as possible (or best case scenario, we’ll just have the baby and he’ll find out then).

I don’t have a good relationship with SS nor does my husband. I’ve been with my husband since SS was 9 (him and BM divorced when SS was 1). We have him 50/50. Honestly, SS doesn’t have a good relationship with anyone, even our dog avoids him. Thankfully he’s almost 18 and will be moved out in a year, but we really don’t want him to have a relationship with our baby. When I say he’s a difficult person, that’s an understatement. He’s just a jerk to everyone he meets and because of that, doesn’t have a single friend.

But will not telling him backfire in some way? I’m just a very private person and have only told close friends and family (no social media announcement or anything), but I’m worried this will cause some other issue I’m not thinking of.