It seems I try to make friends..I don’t seem to. I have like three friends I talk to but we don’t hang out a lot. I have PTSD and the fact idk something very mean happened recently. I thought going to the person that was their friend would help…it did not. It didn’t occur to me that people stay loyal even if someone is cruel. I think I’m a joke. I give up.
What was the point of overachieving and keeping on going if social connections aren’t real? My family hurts me the most. Everyone just expects me to keep going. I can’t anymore.
I feel like I’ve given up for a bit. I get really happy then see all the connections made between people and am then like omg I’m incapable of platonic relationships or maybe it’s cause I’m on the spectrum but I feel I just can’t be happy anywhere I go. . Even being included…idk what is wrong is with me. Finding my tribe for people seems impossible. How are people so happy? Some days I cant leave the house and then when I do I go home too early or I feel like everyone has partnered up and has their people. Maybe I should give up and spend the rest of my life randomly traveling alone?