Its been a while since I wrote, so I am aware my writing might be rusty. Nonetheless please tell me what I can improve. Tell me thoughts on the scene as well. I sometimes wonder if my story is too odd because my mc is pretty eccentric.
If you have any other questions such as context pls ask because this is a random scene from the middle of the story!
i got very mixed comments on their genders after posting on my insta story, i guess that means i drew them right haha.
I decided as a writing exercise, I would write down the scene that I was thinking about for my story instead of pondering what chapter 1 will look like. I fear my writing is a little rusty, so I am asking for feedback, helpful tips, constrictive critiques, and perhaps some thoughts on this scene?
What emotions was I envoking, if any at all?
Despite the character's eccentric life, was he relatable in any way?
Is the pacing alright?
Did my description of the setting and the character make the scene feel real, as if you are watching on a TV?
and any other tips for my writing please! What can I improve on? Thanks!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/107i4BEyr-3g_fQWY610FUCCeeDxaE9jeOT91Vi88yp0/edit?usp=sharing
SORRY FOR THE LONG POST!
My idea involves two protagonists, both of them are very… eccentric. The first character, H, is a 7 foot tall androgynous mess of a teenager who struggles with depression and PTSD from living homeless for months prior to returning to normal student life. He carries the weight of this and other adverse events that have happened to him in previous years, making him a target for rumors while others avoid him like the plague since he is so stoic and aloof all the time.
However, he is a very valuable athlete, one of the best in the nation, which is why the basketball team is holding onto him, much to the chagrin of other players. They feel like he damages their reputation with his appearance and controversy despite his enormous talent for the game.
His dilemma is his constant pursuit of a “normal life,” which he will never have, given his past and the way he tends to handle problems that come his way. The more he pursues this idea of a normal life, the more it backfires on him, his mental health worsens, and his past catches up to him and his newly found social circle, ultimately putting everyone in danger.
He ultimately needs to achieve his own norm, and learn to accept himself, including the rawest edges and the strangest bits of him.
The second protagonist, A, is somehow a little more unhinged than H, personality wise. She seems like the perfect Japanese girl, with perfect grades, perfect social status, perfect home life, etcetera. However, she isnt even fully Japanese (but tells people she is), and her perfection is just a manipulative facade to move higher in society. Outside of school, she is more of a punk, and likes to go outside dressed as a guy, since she enjoys being treated as one.
However, her concept of identity is extremely loose, with her dilemma being her lacking a core self. She is aware of this, at least, but it doesnt help with the fact that she has fragmented herself so badly to be perfect in the eyes of so many different people that she has a full blown crisis over not having a core identity to fall back on.
This problem gets bigger when she begins struggling with her gender identity and wonders if it is just her later-diagnosed BPD doing its thing. Her impulses get worse, and her emotions far more turbulent.
She falls in love with H, because not only can he see right through her facade (to her dismay at first, of course), but he is so authentic in her eyes. His constant pursuit of normality which she was able to attain but he cant because he cant shake who he is at his core…
Plus H falls hard for A, since he is a raging bisexual and she contains multitudes which validate his own gender experience.
Point is, they are both alone and isolated in a way, and I want them to represent that along with the toxic reaction of what would happen if those two things entered a relationship. Like the problem wont fix itself, nor will a barely functional relationship, spoiler alert.
There are other characters too, like an Japanese/ American foreign exchange student, Yu, always pestering H to teach him some basketball techniques, to which H tells him to go away every time since he doesnt have hopes for Yu given that he is short. Besides that, Yu tries to rebuild his life living by himself and changing from the bully he once was back at home. And Ichi, who is the glue of the whole group and the most “normal”of the 4. She has put up with A’s fragments since they were in junior high, and also puts up with constant racism given that she is from SE Asia and dark skinned, and also a gyaru.
Please tell me if this is something you would read, I know its not reliant on an action packed shonen plot to move the story forward but rather a glimpse into human psychology, philosophy, and world issues people tend to face today.
again, sorry for the longggg debrief! Ive been polishing this for years!
SORRY FOR THE LONG POST!
My idea involves two protagonists, both of them are very… eccentric. The first character, H, is a 7 foot tall androgynous mess of a teenager who struggles with depression and PTSD from living homeless for months prior to returning to normal student life. He carries the weight of this and other adverse events that have happened to him in previous years, making him a target for rumors while others avoid him like the plague since he is so stoic and aloof all the time.
However, he is a very valuable athlete, one of the best in the nation, which is why the basketball team is holding onto him, much to the chagrin of other players. They feel like he damages their reputation with his appearance and controversy despite his enormous talent for the game.
His dilemma is his constant pursuit of a “normal life,” which he will never have, given his past and the way he tends to handle problems that come his way. The more he pursues this idea of a normal life, the more it backfires on him, his mental health worsens, and his past catches up to him and his newly found social circle, ultimately putting everyone in danger.
He ultimately needs to achieve his own norm, and learn to accept himself, including the rawest edges and the strangest bits of him.
The second protagonist, A, is somehow a little more unhinged than H, personality wise. She seems like the perfect Japanese girl, with perfect grades, perfect social status, perfect home life, etcetera. However, she isnt even fully Japanese (but tells people she is), and her perfection is just a manipulative facade to move higher in society. Outside of school, she is more of a punk, and likes to go outside dressed as a guy, since she enjoys being treated as one.
However, her concept of identity is extremely loose, with her dilemma being her lacking a core self. She is aware of this, at least, but it doesnt help with the fact that she has fragmented herself so badly to be perfect in the eyes of so many different people that she has a full blown crisis over not having a core identity to fall back on.
This problem gets bigger when she begins struggling with her gender identity and wonders if it is just her later-diagnosed BPD doing its thing. Her impulses get worse, and her emotions far more turbulent.
She falls in love with H, because not only can he see right through her facade (to her dismay at first, of course), but he is so authentic in her eyes. His constant pursuit of normality which she was able to attain but he cant because he cant shake who he is at his core…
Plus H falls hard for A, since he is a raging bisexual and she contains multitudes which validate his own gender experience.
Point is, they are both alone and isolated in a way, and I want them to represent that along with the toxic reaction of what would happen if those two things entered a relationship. Like the problem wont fix itself, nor will a barely functional relationship, spoiler alert.
There are other characters too, like an Japanese/ American foreign exchange student, Yu, always pestering H to teach him some basketball techniques, to which H tells him to go away every time since he doesnt have hopes for Yu given that he is short. Besides that, Yu tries to rebuild his life living by himself and changing from the bully he once was back at home. And Ichi, who is the glue of the whole group and the most “normal”of the 4. She has put up with A’s fragments since they were in junior high, and also puts up with constant racism given that she is from SE Asia and dark skinned, and also a gyaru.
Please tell me if this is something you would read, I know its not reliant on an action packed plot to move the story forward but rather a glimpse into human psychology, philosophy, and world issues people tend to face today.
again, sorry for the longggg debrief! Ive been polishing this for years!